LAWN DOGS! Our very first John Duigan film, as well as our first Sam Rockwell, and a strange one to boot. Your usual duo unite, along with special guests Renée and newcomer Anna, to break down this incredibly odd film.
Laura touted this film as one of the seminal films that triggered this whole podcast journey. This was way before there was even a podcast and a website was involved with a completely different name. Laura had seen this film many moons ago and with its importance no short stretch in relation to the birthing of the podcast, we gathered a crack team of friends to analyze and scrutinize. Returning guest Renée and newcomer Anna join the usual pair for a critical look at this John Duigan film.
Let's just say delicately, this film is equal parts troubling, amusing, disturbing, and a real test of what you would find morally acceptable and no one (Laura included, funnily) ever thought we'd be put in such a quandary. Accompanying this video is also a moment at the 2015 Florida Film Festival at the Enzian Theater which had "An Evening with Sam Rockwell" on stage for a live Q&A and a young Laura asking him the important question if he's do any more films like this one. Catch that in our most recent videos tab on YouTube!
Ryan: Yeah. You know.
Laura: The dog is sleeping, and he's making cute sleeping noises, but it's also loud during our recording session.
Ryan: Wake him up slightly.
Laura: Oh, no, don't wake him up at sleep.
Laura: M well, hello there. Welcome to On the BiTTE the podcast that uncovers full frontal male nudity in cinema. my name is Laura, and I am joined by my trusty lawn boy, Ryan.
Ryan: Hello.
Laura: And we're also joined, luckily, by two ladies today. We have our dear friend Renee. This is your third time. Welcome, Renee.
Renee: Hello. Happy to be here
Renee: Happy to be here.
Renee: Thanks for having me back.
Laura: And our first time friend, who's been with me since the beginning, to where we were shopping around ideas for this podcast, or not even the podcast, this website a million years ago at different Irish pubs around town that never worked out. But here we are. We finally made it. Anna ah, hello.
Anna: We did make it.
Laura: We're finally here. We're finally here to talk about the 1997 fantasy drama Lawn Dogs.
Ryan: Fantasy fantasy drama.
Renee: I was wondering the same thing. I'm like at the end, it classifies.
Laura: Itself as a fantasy. I don't know if it's just because a lot of it could potentially be seen through a child's eyes. I don't know. That's what it says. I think drama horror show is maybe more precise.
Ryan: Yeah, no, it's a little bit, it's a film.
Renee: It's a film.
Laura: And this film stars Misha Barton in her debut film role. And Sam Rockwell, also Chris McDonald. I wrote him down just because he makes me laugh. I eat shit like you for breakfast.
Ryan: you eat shit for breakfast?
Laura: Happy Gilmore.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: You guys remember him from Happy Gilmore. The director of this film is the Australian director John Dugan. Who.
Ryan: Good. I'm glad that's how it's because that's not how it's spelt.
Laura: What did you think? I'm guessing I didn't do any research on how you pronounce his name.
Ryan: Well, I did think it was Dugan, but dwigan. It could be Dwigan.
Laura: Dwygon.
Ryan: Yeah, if you do it that way.
Laura: Dwygon.
Ryan: John Dwygon. John Dwigan.
Laura: written by Naomi Wallace, and it's produced by Duncan Kenworthy, who is very famously written on the top of the DVD, who produced Four Weddings and a Funeral, his claim to fame, which was the first movie he produced just before this one. Is that uninteresting to anybody?
Ryan: I think my whole thing is that well, no, he probably didn't make as much money on this movie as he did in the last one.
Laura: No one made money off of this motion picture.
Ryan: Okay.
Renee: I mean, you bought it for $2.50.
Laura: No, I wish I got it for $2.50. It cost me $6 at a resale store in Gainesville, Florida.
Renee: Well, they made a small amount of money because it was probably a donation.
Laura: Yeah. Support local support your local small chain of resale stores in central Florida. I'm trying to find out where it was, because it's weird this is a movie set in Kentucky, but it's actually a British film. So it was produced and distributed by a British company, and the director is Australian. Am I saying weird things? Why are you guys looking at me?
Renee: But it was filmed in Kentucky.
Laura: Filmed in Kentucky. But they classify it as, like, a British film.
Renee: would that explain the accents, the confusion there?
Laura: Maybe it's like they're trying to do that very posh accent of, like, posh rich folk. And then you got Sam, Rockwell, who's down there, down by the bayou in Kentucky in his tin can trailer. It's weird that he tends to put on that accent like he is in so many films with that Southern accent. But he's from California. But I don't know, like Green Mile. What else is he in? Three Billboards from in Ebbing, Missouri. He won an Oscar for that.
Renee: I guess he's good at it, then. That's why he does it.
Laura: So before Ryan goes into the director's prestigious catalog of films, I want to throw you the synopsis of this very strange indie movie. In the affluent gated community of Camelot Gardens, bored wives indiscriminately sleep around while their unwitting husbands try desperately to climb the social ladder. Trent, a, 21 year old outsider who mows the neighborhood lawns, quietly observes the infidelities and hypocrisies of this overly privileged society. When Devin, a ten year old daughter from one family, forges a friendship with Trent, things suddenly get very complicated. And the tagline for this film is innocence is a Dangerous Friend.
Renee: Oh, that's accurate.
Laura: Ah, that is very accurate.
Renee: I don't think she forges the friendship either. I think she forces the friendship. A friendship was forced on an older man.
Laura: On a much older man. They say 21, but he was almost 30 years old when he filmed this. He looks very young.
Renee: He does, actually.
Laura: But, yeah, he's much, much older. And she is ten years old. Misha M. Barton is ten years old.
Renee: Real life ten years old.
Laura: Yeah. Well, the director said that they did shop around for slightly older, just because it's a little bit easier to deal with maybe someone who's slightly older, like 12, 13, 14. But he said then you get into this weird, creepy, lolita ish type of situation where it's not as innocent anymore because they are kind of coming out or into puberty. So it's just a little more disgusting than it is in the film.
Renee: I could think of at least one part where I wouldn't want her to have real boobs popping out.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: Yeah, maybe two.
Renee: Yeah, maybe a few.
Laura: Ah, Ryan, why don't you run down, Dwygon John's, prestigious career?
Ryan: Dwygon John?
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Qui gon jinn's cousin.
Laura: That's right.
Ryan: Right, okay. That's right. John Dugan is an Australian film director and screenwriter, and he is currently still active making probably pieces of shit just like this.
Laura: Fuck. This is egregious. We haven't even talked about whether or not. We like this film. Keep going. Shut up and keep going.
Ryan: there's not a lot that I can really say other than he has made films. And here's some of them. god.
Renee: Ah.
Ryan: He made the firm man in 1975. He made the trespassers in 1976. Mouth to mouth. In 78, the year my voice broke. in 1987. Romero in 1989. Flirting in 91, sirens in 94.
Laura: I've seen sirens.
Ryan: Yes.
Laura: And guess what? Big surprise, we're going to have to do that on the podcast.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: I thought you were going to say more about it. There's a dick in that movie. Hugh Grant's in it.
Renee: Is, it Hugh Grant's.
Laura: Dick. No, but Hugh Grant does take his dick out in another film. Ah, I'll get back to you on that one.
Ryan: Yes. And then it's the leading man in 96. And then he follows that up with what we're talking about today, which is Lawn Dogs in 97. he is currently still active. And I think the last film he has down here is Careless Love in 2012. he also directed the Steve Coogan classic The Parole Officer.
Laura: That's right.
Ryan: From 2001. Wow. Okay.
Laura: Very familiar with that movie.
Ryan: Oh, Jesus.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: there's not much to say about John Dugan other than what Tandy Newton has to say about him.
Laura: i, really like Tandy Newton.
Ryan: We're all aware of. What did he do? Well, the mission, impossible two star. This, is according to a Daily Mail story from 2011. The headline read, tandy Newton's Affair at 16 with film director 23 years older than he. Which doesn't actually make any sense. But that was how it was written. Yes. everything I'm going to say is from the article. So, she had, quote, traumatic relationship, end quote. she has come to terms with claims. he john took advantage of her. She auditioned for Flirting. So during the course of, the auditioning for Flirting, the role that eventually went to Nicole Kidman, he auditioned Tandy Newton. And Tandy is quoted in saying, I was a very shy, very sweet girl. I wasn't in control of the situation. Would he have liked things to be? so, yeah, she never went to the police at the time, according to the article. And, here we are.
Laura: He's still at large. He is still he's still at large.
Ryan: The Dwy gun is still out there.
Laura: The Dwygun john is still out there. This is ribbling.
Ryan: Literally, this is all the information I could get was that he was Australian, he was born in the UK. He makes films, and Tandy Newton's not very happy with him.
Laura: Gross.
Ryan: Yeah. So we now have to cover his movie.
Laura: I don't know. Anna's on the case. She's going to find out if he's a real creeper.
Renee: I, have thoughts.
Laura: Oh, go on.
Renee: When there's certain movies and certain girls of certain ages with relationships with men of certain ages and that gap between maybe unpopular opinion, maybe not the Professional not a fan.
Laura: Oh, okay. I thought you were going to go a different way when you started that.
Renee: Yeah. I thought you're going to be like.
Laura: I don't know, unpopular opinion. I think it's just fine.
Renee: I thought everyone really hot take it is just okay. I thought perhaps it was popular. Many people like that movie, and I find that many men like that movie Flirting the Professional.
Laura: Wait. The, professional.
Ryan: The Professional.
Renee: The Professional.
Ryan: Who's in the professional. Oh, you mean Leon, the professional.
Renee: Leon, the professional.
Ryan: Oh, right.
Renee: We can put that oh, I thought.
Laura: You were saying that Flirting was a very popular movie. The one that Tandy Newton didn't get.
Renee: Oh, no.
Laura: And I was like, I've never seen that film.
Renee: Me either.
Laura: I don't know what happened on the set of Leon the Professional. Older man, young girl, but in the yeah. And those kind of things. And it's always a little bit uncomfortable.
Ryan: I mean, the box was properly ticked by, like, Lolita and stuff.
Renee: Right.
Ryan: Which was pretty kind of gross, I think, you know.
Laura: How old was she meant to be in Lolita, by the way? Do you know?
Ryan: No, I didn't read the book.
Laura: I didn't either.
Ryan: Yeah, I didn't read it.
Renee: That was a long time ago. I thought she was like, twelve.
Ryan: I mean, to be fair, that's not really what's happening in Lawn Dogs, though.
Laura: No, that's definitely not what's happening in Lawn Dogs. But now I'm wondering how old, Lolita was.
Ryan: Well, effectively, Lawn Dogs is the John Wick origin story. We did not know it was my gosh.
Laura: She was twelve years old, you guys. Lolita was twelve. All right. This is a ten year old girl in this film. And, there's not a Lolita element. But then sometimes when you get in these situations, you end up with a creep element, which happens. But that has nothing to do with Sam Rockwell's character and Misha Barton's character. Luckily, who are the two main characters that we follow throughout the film.
Ryan: There is still some gross shit happening with her and this other boy at some point.
Laura: Yes, absolutely.
Ryan: Yeah. There's a lot of gross shit going on in this gated community, effectively.
Laura: But yeah, this is the John Wick origin story, and it's Misha Barton. Right. She's the Baba Yaga.
Ryan: Yeah. Pretty.
Laura: Much.
Ryan: A dog died. It triggered off her rage and she's now shooting. Is it her brother or friend? Her brother's friend. Wasn't someone a brother?
Laura: No one was a brother child.
Ryan: Right, okay. Well, yeah, I don't know where the rest I don't know where these other boys came from.
Laura: They're just boys.
Ryan: Right, okay.
Laura: Don't even know where to start.
Ryan: well, we should start at the Rank movies. Gong, probably.
Laura: Yeah, go on. Do you want to tell them that the Rank organization, that produced this?
Ryan: Yes.
Laura: Oh, you don't have anything to say? Do produced, films for many, many years, and eventually they were bought out, along with Canon, I believe, by okay. By the BBC. And I figured out, or I found out that Rank and Canon were actually arch rivals as production. Ah, that was a very weird thing.
Ryan: Yeah. How best to treat them as rivals to amalgamate them into one, like, society.
Laura: There you go.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: And so this film was the last time that the Rank organization used the famous gong.
Ryan: Yeah. The opening title thing.
Laura: The movie opens up with a really weird okay, so the families together, this is when we get introduced to the family, right? So we meet Chris. McDonald. We get Misha Barton, and I forget the mom's name, but they're making cookies so that she can sell them for charity and kind of get out there and make new friends. It's kind of like a Girl Scout offshoot or whatever. and she's sitting there making these cookies, and they're on the train, she's supposed to be decorating them. And a fly falls onto one of the cookies. And she takes her thumb and you see like, the thumb in the frame. And then she just squashes the fly into the cookie. And I heard a laugh from you, Renee. That really tickled me.
Renee: Well, I was already thinking, like, she kept putting raisins in the bellies. I guess they were like little human figure cookies. And I was like, EW, gross, raisins. And then she put the insect, and I was like, cool. I was just wondering, is she going to cover it up with a raisin or is she just going to let it be like that? And it also made me think about how bugs are just in our food anyways. So she's just making it true to real mass production cookie. Put a couple bugs in there that's like the FDA allows.
Laura: About how I thought about that bug for a long time after that moment about when she's trying to shop these cookies around and sell them for charity. And I thought, which bag has the fly in it? And it really concerned me because it didn't concern her at all. Especially when she was eating a lot of those cookies.
Renee: She was down with it. Extra protein, man.
Laura: Sam Rockwell also was eating some of those cookies. And I wonder, is that the bag? Who's going to get the fly? And no one did. The fly never came back.
Renee: You know, what it had me thinking about, though, I was like, wow, she's making her own cookies. Like, what year is this? So I looked up know, when did Girl Scouts stop making their own cookies? Because at one point, they made their own cookies and sold them just like that. So what year do you guys think they stopped doing that? It's trivia.
Laura: Okay, what year did the Girl scout cookies. The Girl Scout cooking their own. Yeah.
Renee: And they mass produced them.
Ryan: Stop.
Renee: Mass produced they started mass producing them. Stopped making them themselves.
Ryan: Okay.
Renee: Started mass producing them.
Laura: 1963.
Ryan: Eightyn.
Renee: After, the bomber. After the bomb stuff. I want to say the unit bomber.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: All right. Okay.
Renee: There was all the or the Shoe.
Renee: Bomber surprisingly early, guys.
Laura: It's way earlier than 19.
Renee: Oh, really?
Renee: 1936.
Ryan: Wow.
Renee: Girl Scouts been lazy for a while.
Renee: Wow.
Laura: Yeah. So this is like the low end Girl Scouts. Yeah. Starting with Keebler.
Ryan: Or they wised up and they were thought they well, we're in a capitalist society. Why are we not mass producing these cookies and taking some of the proceeds for ourselves?
Renee: Yeah. I mean, they definitely started making more money off of them then.
Laura: Well, I think it's easier to.
Ryan: Sell cookies than it is to sell cocaine. So I guess so.
Laura: Yeah, probably.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: I was like, is it? And I'm like, well, everyone likes a cookie. Everyone like cocaine if they tried it. Right.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: that's the problem.
Laura: Don't do drugs, kids. Yeah.
Ryan: Fucking scarface over here.
Laura: Cookies after that.
Laura: Where do we go in the movie? What happens? Well, I wrote down, it's hotter than a cat's crotch out here.
Ryan: Oh, boy.
Renee: I'm glad you came there because that's one of my favorite parts.
Laura: That was a good line.
Renee: Well, because, the not cop.
Laura: What do you guys call fake cops? That fucking security guard.
Renee: Yeah. Mall Nash.
Laura: Ah. Mall cop. Mall cop. Fucking Paul Blart.
Ryan: Paul Blart. Yeah. Shit too much.
Laura: Yeah.
Renee: We all think he's, so Sam Rockwell's character pees in the cup, which I love.
Laura: He pees in a cup. Yeah.
Renee: I relate to that heavily.
Laura: I know that when that happened, you also giggled, which tickled me. because I remember that really funny peeing in the car story when you were in Colorado.
Renee: Yeah, I've peed in cups and no, no, that was.
Laura: Classic.
Renee: It's a classic me move, because I have had dogs that I can't leave in the car alone and stuff like that. So I've just learned to pee in cups. But, you got to have a big enough cup and you got to know what you're going to give. And that time we were stuck in, like, a snowstorm in a parking lot and we couldn't go anywhere. And I didn't want to get out of the car because I thought at any moment they would clear the road and we get to start going. So Ty and I both had to pee really bad. And I convinced him, like, we got to pee in these cups and just pour it out the window, whatever. So he's on the lookout, peeing in the cup. But guess what? I had too much pee.
Laura: Oh, no.
Renee: I filled the cup, guys, and then some.
Laura: What did you do?
Renee: It was a rental car.
Renee: Oh, no.
Renee: The first time we ever rented a truck. And I always thought that was weird because I'm not a truck person. I know you guys can't see me, but I'm not a truck person. And I peed in the seat of this truck.
Laura: You couldn't stop the so I stopped.
Renee: It, but not quite in time. So I peed a little bit, poured it out, and then did the rest.
Laura: How many ounces was this cup, do you think?
Renee: It was like, oh my gosh. I don't know.
Laura: It was like, probably like this.
Renee: I think this is 16oz.
Laura: That's a lot of pee, dude.
Ryan: Plaintiff pissed.
Laura: I was really holding it more than plaintiff pissed.
Renee: I'm a hydrated woman.
Laura: That's wonderful.
Renee: And then the other thing I was thinking about was I had this ex that was just like going through like, I m don't know what to call it, a debaucherous phase. And he would just be this lazy as he could possibly be. And he would drink orange juice out of those cartons. Right, okay. And then he had to pee. One time he's on the couch and he's like, I'm just going to pee in this rather than get up and walk 15ft to the bathroom and pee in this. Whoa. He forgot. Like, the next day he goes to drink the orange no, we were just talking about that. it happened. It happened to him. And he spit it out all over his living room the way he told me it. But I just love just like, how lazy can you be? But Sam RAL was not being lazy. He, asked to use someone's restroom, but because he's poor, didn't let him in.
Laura: Yeah, they don't let poor people in their house in this, scenario. So that's a shame. Wow, that's pretty gross. But then also what's gross to me is that there was orange juice and he left on the floor, but then continued to leave it on the floor. So it was like warm juice.
Renee: And he was just okay with that.
Laura: I think I think that's called depression.
Renee: Yeah, I think he was depressed. But what we called it back then was like his charming, charming, whiskey drinking, smoking cigarettes in the house phase endearing. Yeah, I fell for it.
Laura: Oh, my gosh. So that's why when Sam Rockwell in this movie is peeing in cups and pouring beer on himself, that you. OOH, I could get into this situation. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
Laura: there was also that moment where Paul Blart takes a sniff of his piss cup, which was fucking hilarious. Like, you wouldn't have smelled it or at least guessed the scent ahead of time.
Ryan: And it also would be warm as a warm cup liquid.
Laura: I thought he'd put the lid back on it.
Ryan: He did, though, I think.
Laura: But when Paul Blart. Picked it up and just gave it a sniff, it was like a wide open cup. And it was also sitting on the seat.
Ryan: No, it wasn't wide open. It still had that plastic cover on the top, but you would still smell that piss.
Renee: Yeah.
Ryan: Like Hard Time, he had just, like.
Renee: Finished it very yellow when he poured it out.
Laura: Yeah, he poured it out like a yellow gatorade. not a hydrated man.
Ryan: Yes. It would have been a lot funnier if he did take a drink of it like that cop did in Dumb and Dumber. Yeah.
Laura: So the penis scene of this movie comes in really, really early. Nine, minutes and 8 seconds. So this is post piss cup. A, hot Sam Rockwell, who is flexing a lot and also in a tank top for a lot of this movie, which I didn't mind.
Ryan: he's an outdoor boy.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Out there cutting grass.
Laura: He's a lawnmower man.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: To the soundtrack of Dwight Yo Gum.
Laura: Yeah. There you go. He's out there with his sweaty arms and he pops a beer in his truck and he's taking swigs, which blows my mind. I've never seen this ever in my life, where he's so hot that he takes the beer and just kind of pours it down the back of his neck for a little splash of cool relief.
Ryan: Yeah. No.
Renee: Unrealistic, but sexy. Yeah, I was into it.
Renee: That's what American country bumpkins are like. They do that. They pour beer on themselves to cool themselves off.
Laura: Yeah. It doesn't matter if it's logical. It only matters if it looks cool, I guess. Or feels cool.
Renee: Like a cold beer down your back.
Laura: But I guess maybe he knew he was about to take his clothes off and jump into a river.
Renee: Yeah.
Laura: So this is where we come to this dick scene. And you can also see his distaste for all other people in this world, like any other rich person, because he's driving his truck down the middle of this bridge and stops his car. All of these cars are lining up behind him. And it looked like cars are coming from the other way as well. Yeah.
Renee: It was like a single track. So they had to wait for him to get off, I think. Yeah.
Laura: He takes his shirt or shirt's already off and his trousers are already undone. I'm trying to remember if he does anything else. Like, does he grab and I just drinks more beer, throws the beer in the back of the car.
Ryan: Well, yeah, he finishes the beer. right. So hold on. He finishes the beer. He's already got his socks off, he's already got his top off and he's got his pants still on. So he takes off his pants once he jumps onto the edge of the bridge.
Laura: Yeah. He drops trow.
Ryan: Drops trow at the top, at the edge of the bridge, on the walkway. and that is when he does what I've referred to as because I looked it up a double front pike into the water.
Laura: Wow.
Renee: I called it a fancy dive.
Ryan: It is a fancy dive. Yes. It is a professional dive into water that I'm not too sure he knew how deep it was, but that's fine.
Laura: 9ft deep.
Ryan: It was 9ft deep.
Laura: 30Ft tall bridge and ah, 9ft deep water.
Ryan: Okay.
Renee: Do we know and it was it Sam Rockwell.
Laura: So this is Sam Rockwell's body, his penis. The whole scene leading up to standing on the edge of the bridge is Sam Rockwell.
Ryan: But he goofed off.
Laura: He did not dive. Do the double pike off the bridge.
Ryan: God.
Laura: Double flippity doo dot pike off the bridge. That was Randy Peterson, the stuntman who doubled for Sam Rockwell.
Ryan: Actors are just lazier by the day, aren't they?
Laura: I know, it's absolutely.
Ryan: They won't do the double pike.
Laura: It's despicable. Especially since there were pictures of him in his parents'house about being a do.
Renee: We need that star diver backstory.
Renee: Do we need that backstory, though?
Laura: The last thing I think we needed was the whole end of that film, for the most part.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: I think we'll notice that we talk a lot about the beginning, and then we're, like, just and then it ended.
Laura: Because this film has a major, absolutely major trigger warning. And I'm not even talking about potential, child molestation. It's not even that. It's worse. Someone murders a dog.
Ryan: Yeah, no, that's not very good. Every time I saw this when he was about to jump into the water, I thought about that bridge. That's just out near where the old cinema was where I used to live. And I remember kids continually taking shopping trolleys and dropping them over the side of the bridge, and I was just like, I just wouldn't do that. Just wouldn't do that at all. Because it's like there's going to be a mountain of shopping trolleys just underneath you. There just bits of shard metal.
Laura: And then I'm just thinking about Sam Rockwell jumping off this bridge. There's a bunch of shopping carts down there, and he just gets mangled to hell.
Ryan: I mean, to be fair, I do remember a time when a friend of mine picked up his other friend and they chucked him into that water.
Laura: No.
Ryan: Yeah, he's fine. He survived. But, yeah, I was kind of just like, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a great idea whatsoever.
Renee: So, Ryan, have you ever jumped off.
Ryan: A no, no, I'm scared of heights. Scared of heights. I wouldn't do it, but, I mean, if I had a good reason to do it, I don't know, end my life, then, maybe, but or like a nice, cool refreshment, potentially, from life. Yes.
Laura: Ah.
Ryan: no, I've never done that. I've just seen other people get chalked chucked into the same bodies of water, and that's it.
Laura: Well, that's troubling.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: So the stuntman, Randy Peterson, he jumped off of that bridge a total of six times. Five times. He did. It totally naked and then once wearing briefs just in case they would need, like, a TV version for the United States.
Renee: They did do that, though. There is a scene where Sam Rockwell is wearing whitey Tidies in a screenshot somewhere on the Internet.
Laura: Yeah, well, there you go. They got to cover all their bases.
Ryan: Yeah. They got to try and make as much money as they can.
Laura: That bridge is in Louisville, Kentucky. Okay, so next time we all take a trip to Louisville, Kentucky, we can, do the old we'll get Ryan to do the old Sam Rockwell double pike off that bridge. Name.
Ryan: I'll do a double front pike off that bridge.
Laura: Yeah, sure.
Ryan: I could yeah.
Renee: Make sure you pour beer on yourself first.
Ryan: Yes, I'll make sure I'll stink of booze and make sure that yeah, just piss into a cup.
Laura: Pour beer on yourself.
Ryan: We'll have a quartz, like a big quartz like soda cup just full of my hot, stinking piss.
Laura: I am so aroused right now.
Ryan: Honestly, I did not think I mean, at least you found what your kink is now. That's great.
Laura: That's my Christmas kink.
Ryan: That's your Christmas kink.
Renee: oh.
Laura: Wow.
Ryan: Yeah, look at that. Only took that much. Only took this to go.
Laura: So, I read an article, an interview with Sam Rockwell, by the Huffington Post. This was back in 2008 when, they were shopping around Choke. You guys remember that one that you totally expected to see nudity in?
Ryan: Yeah, the Chuck Palinick book that was turned into a movie.
Renee: Yeah, I remember the book. I don't remember the it's fine.
Ryan: If you want to see got it. I've got it on DVD.
Laura: I like that movie a lot, actually. I forget that.
Ryan: It's fine.
Laura: Whatever.
Ryan: Yeah, it's fine.
Laura: So, Sam Rockwell says I've had to do frontal nudity after diving into cold water. So I'm not a big fan of it. I've done it because I felt it said something about the character. With a movie like Lawn Dogs, it says something about the character. It shows you something about their freedom and who they are as people. So it is relevant to the film. Whereas if it's just gratuitous, it's just not. and then the interviewer asks, when you mentioned frontal nudity and it was important to your character, what do you think about using a prosthetic so that you look bigger than you are? And Sam Rockwell said, I suppose I would if it were Restoration Theater. I don't really give a shit. I'm not planning to show my penis again on film, but it would depend on the movie, I guess.
Ryan: Okay. well, we didn't say the moment where he does the dive. He basically comes back to his car.
Laura: Oh, right. Yeah. There is more.
Ryan: It's not as seeing him in the diving position. He does come back to the car because we did feel like we were getting cheated out. Of it a little bit.
Laura: Oh, and he gave it to us. He gave it fully to us all the way back to the car.
Ryan: Yes, he did. He gave us it back to the car, in full view of like a family with other obviously youngsters and stuff there just in front of him. And he just gives them a little wave with his hand.
Laura: I don't know what he was doing up until this point, but I don't know if he was just planning on being totally naked. So he just ripped at the gym for I don't even know how long. But he has got his chiseled arms, his legs. He's got that bubble butt.
Renee: Yeah, his butt looks great.
Laura: His butt looks amazing.
Ryan: He's got some junk in that trunk. Yeah, it's got a bit of a wobble to it.
Renee: You would never know how he looks in his lawn wear that his butt would look that good underneath.
Laura: Absolutely. But there are so many shots of him, his jeans, like, so many close up shots of the ass of his jeans in this movie.
Ryan: Still too loose in the ass as well. At one point, he does get hit.
Laura: And we all agreed that that board that he got smacked in the ass with would have bounced right back and hit someone in the face just to.
Ryan: Talk about that moment. Like that shot, it just hangs on his ass for at least an uncomfortably amount of long amount of seconds just before he gets hit by, Happy Gilmore dad with a piece of Dubai four right on his ass cheeks.
Laura: Gosh, that's so crazy.
Laura: I do want to tell a story. Akin Anna, was it 2015?
Renee: Yes.
Laura: So 2015 at the Florida Film Festival, sam Rockwell was the guest of honor. And they were showing the movie Moon. So he gets naked in that, but not full frontal naked. And I'd had a couple of old fashions at that particular event because I knew I was going to do something and I wasn't sure how or what exactly I was going to do.
Ryan: But mischievous.
Laura: He had A-Q-A and so I gathered up my courage and walked up to the mic. And I'm sweating. I remember sweating so hard. and I go up to the microphone. Oh, god, I'm trying to remember exactly what I said. I said, hi, Sam. And I said, I want to thank you for, your work in Moon, but especially your work in Lawn Dogs and Box of moonlight, which is another film where Sam Rockwell gets completely naked. And at that moment, after I said Box of moonlight, he laughs like he knows exactly what the fuck I'm doing. And I'm in front of an audience of people. His wife is, it's okay.
Renee: It was glorious.
Laura: It was pretty good. So I said that. He laughs. And I go, can we expect anything from you of that caliber anytime soon. And he pauses and he says, no, just in this tone. He's like, no. And I'm like, okay, thank you so much. I appreciate you. And he said, I appreciate you. And I walked back to my chair and I don't know, if only people in the know, you know what mean, like, would have gotten that remark. I didn't say, are you going to take your dick out, Sam? I didn't say, let me see that. Like I just said, when are you gonna do something like this again? He knew exactly what I was talking.
Ryan: Just get the police. Get the police. That's a fucking great psycho fucking asking me questions about my penis.
Renee: You approached it very classy and respectfully. I thought there was a couple of smirks from the audience when you mentioned those two films. I think they knew what you were referencing, but I think you took it well.
Laura: It's a really shining moment in my career.
Renee: Compliment.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: And I feel really good about it.
Renee: I was very excited for this moment.
Laura: It's really a defining moment of my life.
Ryan: yes. You show me on the first date or something.
Laura: That's something I would do.
Ryan: It was one of those things. No, not really. But it was within the first couple of days. she just could not let it be. and I never not you've never done anything like that since, though, either.
Laura: Oh, I've never had the opportunity. But I do keep following around Sam Rockwell. We went and saw him, on Broadway.
Ryan: Yeah, it's a real choice of phrase. We don't follow him around.
Laura: No, we don't follow him around. But we did see him in a production of American Buffalo in New York with Lawrence Fishburne, which was awesome.
Ryan: I would follow Larry around. Like, honestly, I'd like to hear what he had to say. Yeah. Less. so sam but certainly, Larry Fishburne. I'd be all over.
Laura: I was really hoping that Sam would have recognized me. We sat in the front row, really thought he'd go, that's that creepy dick chick over.
Ryan: Oh, look, it's her again.
Laura: She's going to ask me keep on taking my dick out.
Ryan: Keeps on asking me about dicks. No, I'm not getting, it out. David Mammoth said, no, no, I appreciate.
Renee: You, all of you.
Laura: But no more penises to talk about.
Laura: But there's a lot of weird things that happen in this film.
Ryan: Yeah, a lot of the good stuff happens near the beginning. but there is nine minutes in the first nine minutes. and it's only an hour and 40 minutes. but anyway, yeah, I mean, from what I have written down here, it is a bunch of things that happen because the movie is full of moments of, kind of weird. Right?
Laura: I would say it's weird because you what you have here is a friendship that is forced upon an older man by a young girl, which in its essence is completely innocent and always remains as such. But from an older man's point of view in the world, he knows that this is fucking bad because he's an outcast from this gated community. There's even people that he knows. He's sleeping with people within the community. So he is very familiar with that. He's familiar. He's got friends he went to school with, live there. but he's the Lawnmower Man, and he means nothing to them because they all have money. And so he's just this he's just.
Ryan: Waiting for he's just waiting for a Pierce Brosnan to pick him up and make him smart.
Laura: Absolutely. That's what he needs. He needs to get jacked up into the web. And then he will become the Internet.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: This is the prequel to Lawnmower Man.
Ryan: It is, yes.
Laura: So it becomes a really sticky situation that this girl puts on him that she doesn't realize that she's doing. She's just bored in her life. She doesn't feel like she's seen by her family. She doesn't have any friends. And she's a weirdo. And she meets this guy, and he's like, this is my best friend now. And he's like, oh, no.
Renee: She walks miles and miles, apparently to get to his house every day.
Laura: Yeah, very far.
Renee: Shows up at weird hours.
Laura: Yeah. She's like, oh, can I sleep over? He's like, fuck, no. You're a little girl who's obsessed with this fairy tale of the Baba Yaga. Can you sleep over?
Renee: Fuck no. Will you go steal some chickens with me? Fuck yeah.
Laura: Will you steal chickens with me and pluck their feathers and cook them and then play with their dead corpse feet while singing a creepy Russian fairy tale song? Absolutely. And you know what? Fuck it. Stay the night. Why not? We're best friends. it's so uncomfortable. She has no idea. He can't go, listen, young lady, I look like a pedo if you hang out with me. There's a point where he tells she says, like, we're friends, right? We're friends. And he goes, yeah, we can be friends, but we have to keep it a secret. And, you know, his intentions are good. Like, he's just trying to protect himself. But just that, in and of itself is just so fucking creepy. And it's not going to go well. No, he's my secret friend. No, that's not going to be good.
Ryan: This gated community is desperate for some real crime. I think that's kind of what seems to be happening here.
Renee: They were obsessed with him during the picnic. They all surrounded him. They bombarded him, accused him of the.
Laura: Lamp stealing stealing lamp shades.
Ryan: Those number one pairing lamp shades.
Renee: I was very confused by that. I'm like, where are these lampshades? They finally show you that it's like, not really lampshades. It's like outdoor lamp decor.
Laura: Yeah. So it's your lighting, your street light.
Ryan: Yeah, it's the exterior glass, like a gateway lamp. Or something.
Laura: Yeah, just like your regular street lamps. And when they were saying that someone's going around stealing lamp shades, I go, these motherfuckers won't even let him in their house to go to the toilet. Why is he stealing the shades off of their interior lamps? He's a good boy.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: For the most part. Until later. He's a good boy.
Ryan: Yeah, I guess so. Although I kind of feel like actually, I forgot about the thing that you were talking about. He did a discussion warning. Yeah. it's not good. It's worse than potential child, like, child assault.
Laura: Yes, it is.
Ryan: And child nudity, like all these things.
Laura: It is.
Ryan: Yeah. Technically, it is the worst thing that.
Laura: Happens in this film.
Renee: Let's not talk about that.
Renee: It got Bruce stirred up.
Renee: Yeah.
Ryan: it's even more offensive than the kid who was dressed as a Native American who pulls a gun on that girl as she's walking down the road. And not only that, she then puts that gun nozzle. In his mouth and says, you'd be doing the community a favor.
Laura: That little boy that looks like the kid from Christmas Story yeah. She put the gun in his mouth. A toy gun. That gun was so large. He said a tiny little boy mouth stuck it in there. That just sound really horrible. That came out of my mouth. I'm so sorry. She stuck it in that little boy mouth. I'm really sorry. I said it again.
Renee: We can't go by the middle without talking about I wrote down three different sexy scenes, and I want to talk about each one of them. I'm just going to list them and then tell me if I missed one. Sexy weeding scene, sexy salad scene, and sexy hole in the shirt scene. Okay, let's talk about those.
Laura: Yes. There's a guy who is Boinking Misha Barton's mother, and he has a best friend, Ramming Railing Porking.
Ryan: he's doing her. There's not really any fucking like, he's yeah, I think he's like, tossing her salad. Yeah, there you go. yeah, he's doing a bit of fingering. He's doing a bit of muff diving. I mean, that's really it. Yeah.
Laura: Jesus, Red.
Ryan: What do you mean?
Laura: Is muffin an offensive word?
Ryan: No. We know, felicia yeah, here we go.
Renee: Pointing.
Ryan: I'm the only guy in an all female podcast episode. What am I supposed to do?
Laura: Disgusting. Yeah, the weeding part. The mom is weeding her garden, which also sounds sexual. And that gross neighborhood boy who is probably, like, 21 years old, right?
Ryan: Yeah. I feel like we need to clarify some of the ages of some of these folk. Just in case no one's aware.
Laura: These neighborhood youths are in their 20s.
Ryan: Yeah, he's definitely of age, but he.
Laura: Wears, like his outfits are so egregious and so offensive. He's wearing the largest shorts I've ever seen that look like large they look like parachute shorts.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: Cargo shorts. All right, well, and a goddamn tucked in polo.
Ryan: I'm wearing a pair of cargo shorts.
Renee: My socks.
Renee: Yeah, it's like that classic goofing as like a dad look when someone's like, I'm a dad now. And they put that outfit on to be funny on the Internet. But he's just like he thinks it's hot.
Laura: Like, that's his hot boy outfit and it's disgusting. Those shorts should be burned. Good luck if you ever find your cargo shorts again. Ryan. They're going in the bin.
Ryan: I mean, I have like four pairs of them. I'm wearing one of them right now. Well, I'll wear them to bed. What do you mean? Well, then I'll just start burning your clothes. How does this look at this. Look at what you've created. Right?
Laura: Well, but this guy, this cargo shorts boy is friends with this actor who's super familiar to me. And I couldn't quite place him. His name's Eric Mabius. And I don't know if anyone other than me watched The OC, which also stars Misha Barton. But this guy was the mean dean from season two of The OC. And that's like he was really mean. Did you guys watch that show?
Ryan: The mean dean.
Laura: He was the dean of the high school.
Renee: I hear it's coming back, though.
Laura: really?
Renee: To bring him back, the original OC.
Renee: Well, I watched it.
Laura: spoilers for anyone that watched The OC. Misha Barton died, so she ain't coming back.
Ryan: Oh, no.
Laura: In that soap opera of a show I'll watch Adam Brody doing, were we.
Ryan: Going through a spell of watching The OC?
Laura: Absolutely.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: is that California? That's the only way I know. I love that show. That show is super comforting. Peter Gallagher. Amazing.
Ryan: Yeah, it's fine. It's fine to kind of see where some of these people are. It's not the least watchable show I've ever seen.
Laura: Remember that first episode where he goes, welcome to The OC, bitch. So fucking good. Watch that. You want some Gossip Girl? You're in for a nice evening.
Ryan: Also, watch most of Gossip Girl with you as well.
Laura: you are also, those funny videos on the Internet where a wife puts on a show and the husband's like, I'm not interested. And they keep creeping closer and closer and they're like, I can't believe what's going on in the show. And they're totally invested.
Ryan: Well, here's the thing. Yeah. Well, I got rid of any sort of creative integrity I felt I had because I feel like life is better than that. So I just watch all this trashy stuff with you sometimes.
Laura: Can't wait till Love island starts again.
Ryan: I, mean, it's going to be amazing. Up until the point they start getting given fake babies as usual.
Laura: And you just got to turn it off.
Ryan: And you're just like, this is awful.
Laura: It's like all those shows where you have some sort of game show when it gets to the final bed. I'm like, not as interested.
Ryan: Yeah, okay.
Laura: We need to talk about some salad tossing for a second.
Renee: Definitely.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: So, parachute shorts lover comes in. So they're having the barbecue, right? Everyone's at this barbecue, they're making the biggest steaks I've ever seen.
Ryan: There's some pretty decent looking steaks. Rich folk.
Laura: Is that what happens?
Ryan: Well, I think we're half and half meat eaters in here, right? Probably. Let's just say yes. Those steaks looked okay. They looked all right. Looked like he knew what he was doing.
Laura: grilling them on a barbecue. Do you know how much a slab of meat costs? I don't.
Renee: Too much to give to the yard guy.
Laura: That's right. He got fucking hot dogs. You saw that shit. They're cooking up those fat slabs of meat, big old prime cuts of beef. And they go, oh, give the lawn guy a couple of dogs. A couple of hot dogs. Oh, you look like you like a lot of ketchup. I don't know what that's supposed to mean.
Renee: Sounds offensive.
Laura: Didn't you hear him say that looks like you like a lot of ketchup? Like, would you have to cover up the taste of your horrible hot dogs? I don't understand.
Renee: He cooked them for 10 seconds. He's like, grab some hot dogs and then he put them on and took them off.
Laura: Yeah, that's probably why he didn't want to eat them. That was so weird, that whole scene. Because he's like asking they're all ganging up on him. Like you said, everyone's super interested in him at the barbecue. And then he goes, you know what? I'm going to get out of here. He asks Papa McDonald for the money for mowing the lawn. He gives him 40. He goes, oh, you're ten short. He's like, what? I thought I gave you a couple of hot dogs. That's going to cover the cost.
Renee: Not even at costco. No, the hot dogs cost that much.
Laura: That's absolutely right. They've never raised their prices on their hot dogs. That's costco for you. This motherfucker, he ends up giving him the ten. Like it's a big old joke. I'm like, this guy's fighting for his life out here. And you're trying to make a joke about $10 asshole. You knew he was going to be a villain when he showed up, right?
Renee: Classic Chris McDonald bad guy question here. Will Chris McDonald play an asshole? Yes, he will.
Laura: Because he always bet on that. But then while that's happening, the mom is making the biggest salad of her life.
Renee: Match those big steaks.
Renee: They look beautiful, though.
Laura: It looked like a good salad.
Renee: No, she was just throwing those tomatoes on there, though. Like just slabbing them on. Like she did not care. It was a lot of tomato, okay? No one else maybe saw that. It was just piling the tomatoes on top over. It was just slab and slab and slab of tomatoes. It was a bit much.
Laura: It's probably because she was about thinking about getting phylached by that young parachute shorted boy. I'm, sure it came in.
Ryan: Yeah. Her personal paratrooper was going to come into her pan.
Laura: She's standing up, right, holding the salad bowl really big in the air while he's underneath her, like, 1950s housewife dress, going to town on her vagina. And she's just like he looked absolutely.
Ryan: Titchy tiny under there as well. Like absolutely titchy tiny.
Laura: You saw his little sneakers. 21 year old man sneakers was like, who's under there?
Ryan: Kenny Baker?
Laura: But then that beautiful shot someone else tell it about that lettuce.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: Ah, Anna, talk about that wet lettuce.
Renee: That wet splashing wet lettuce slowly dropping to the floor. And when it hits, it explodes with moisture. The dropped lettuce. It meant yes. That's so much about the scene.
Laura: Art. That's art.
Renee: It was art.
Laura: That is cinema.
Renee: And mishtabart. M and Devin witnessed the entire thing.
Laura: Yeah, that's the second scene that she walks in on someone doing sexy stuff because she walked in on Sam, Rockwell and that Pam, that chick from.
Renee: Law and Order walked in spying. I don't know. She made that one. Like that was like, different. It's not like just walking into your home kitchen.
Ryan: Was she from law and Order.
Laura: Yeah, with the boobs earlier. We didn't mention her in the boobs.
Ryan: Isn't someone a fan of Lauren Order here?
Laura: Are you talking about yourself?
Ryan: No.
Renee: You're getting a little confused. I love Criminal Minds.
Ryan: Oh, right.
Laura: Pretty close.
Ryan: We're never going to talk.
Renee: I'm not an expert in really great TV crime.
Laura: They all are the same to me.
Ryan: They're not all the same. CSI is very different from them. Criminal Minds is different for a different reason. But it's all part of the same muck. if you like it, then you're special. That's all I'm going to say.
Renee: If you like it, then there's so much content. And you'll always be ahead.
Ryan: There's fucking loads of it. Yeah, there's tons of it. Ah.
Laura: Yeah. See, for someone like The OC, it's only got four seasons. It's hard. It's hard to live life like well.
Ryan: You just do what you did. You just watch them in repeat. Yeah. Just start from the beginning again. And you're like, oh, look, they're young again. It's like I'm going back in time.
Laura: Who doesn't like early 2000s pop punk music? Come on. It's the best soundtrack.
Renee: Were on one episode.
Laura: Yeah.
Renee: I was like, The Walkman are on this episode. I love the show now.
Laura: They had some hot bands back in the day on The OC.
Renee: Walkman was on OC. I love the walkman.
Renee: Yeah, they're like guys playing at whatever their hangout is while I have to watch it.
Laura: It's called like the fishing lore or some shit. The Dock.
Ryan: If I didn't feel left out earlier, I definitely do now.
Laura: Like you haven't seen the OC.
Ryan: Well, I mean, you're talking about pop punk like it means something. I don't really know who you are anymore. I don't know who any of you are. Really?
Laura: Remember when I made you listen to Newfound Glory in the car and you almost jumped out the window?
Ryan: Honestly, I almost amazing.
Renee: Out of joy.
Ryan: He was so upset and I'm singing all the words.
Laura: They're all coming back to me. And he's like, I don't know who you are.
Ryan: Honestly, I almost vomited.
Laura: It's like when you asked me to order you Hawaiian pizza the other day and I said, divorce. I don't know who you are.
Ryan: There is nothing wrong with having a bit of pineapple and some ham on there. Mixes up quite together, a bit of cheese and the tomato and stuff. It's perfectly fine.
Renee: I like pineapple on pizza, too.
Laura: You can like what about you?
Renee: I am very torn here because I like both pineapple pizza and Newfound Glory. I'm with both of you here.
Laura: Okay. It was just like the sudden knowledge of this Hawaiian pizza that you'd never mentioned before and the whole time I've known you. And you can like it. I don't have a problem with you liking it. But it just was like new information. And I thought I knew everything about you. And then I was just scared. Like, what else are you going to tell me?
Ryan: M. I mean, to be fair, your reply to it was Ryan, what the fuck?
Renee: Yeah.
Ryan: And that was it.
Laura: And I said, who stole your phone.
Ryan: To the pineapple pizza? And you're like, yeah, someone's stolen my phone. Ha. I mean, I don't was you know what? Sometimes you're in the mood for something. It's a little bit of Hawaiian.
Renee: Yeah, it's refreshing, but you got the salty. Sweet and salty. Add jalapenos next time.
Renee: Just girl minus the ham. Add jalapenos. That's my jam.
Laura: Yeah, it's very strange.
Laura: Okay, so there's this part where that guy, the parachute guy molests that little girl.
Renee: Just left it off.
Renee: She's playing with a gun, as children do.
Laura: She pisses on the car windshield. she steals a gun out of the car.
Renee: She puts a whole steak dinner in the what do they call it? A toolbox toolbox.
Laura: Tackle box. Tackle box.
Renee: which he kept pricking himself on. Like, what was he doing with that tackle box? Do you remember in the beginning yeah.
Laura: He kept, rich people like to.
Renee: Make fancy lores with expensive parts.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: That's a rich person hobby.
Laura: He obviously didn't know what he was doing, so he kept hurting himself. So in that scene where she's in the car and she's got the gun that she's messing with, the guy who was just Felicia her mom during a barbecue with the whole family, goes into the car and immediately, you know, like, that guy is a full molester. You could just tell. And you have these situations where this young girl's alone with these other men and it's like not creepy. And then all of a sudden you get this creepo who takes a bullet out of the gun, rubs the bullet on this child's lip, you guys, and then says, what do you think this would feel like inside of you or something? Right.
Renee: Yeah.
Renee: Smell like your mom.
Ryan: Well, I mean, he also smells like our mom as well.
Laura: Right around the facial area.
Ryan: In particular, he has Fanny face. it's a moment that, yeah, I don't know. Why is it there? Why is it happening?
Laura: okay.
Ryan: This poor child finding all these things about herself. I don't know.
Renee: That whole scene is there to be like, wow, a guy actually tried to molest her and her parents blew it off. And then a guy that is her friend that she kind of describes the friendship a little bit weird. Then he gets persecuted.
Laura: Absolutely. Well, because, the mom's upset because she says, the guy at the barbecue put his hand up my shirt. And the dad goes, you let him put his hand up your shirt? And she goes, no. They're like, oh, he forced it. She goes, yeah. And the mom is upset, but only upset because it's like her lover die And then, little Misha Barton says, like, oh, well, I guess it was just like tickling or whatever.
Renee: She said she ran away. And he said, good for you. That's my girl.
Laura: Disgusting.
Renee: So much cringe.
Laura: so the other sexy part that we need to talk about oh, it.
Renee: Is a sexy hole in the shirt.
Laura: This guy, this guy who's like the parachute pants, friendly, weird. He looks like an alternate universe. Like evil Paul Walker with his hair and his blue eyes and his chiseled bizarro Paul Walker? Yeah. So he goes out to talk to Sam Rockwell, and I noticed immediately, and I think you all noticed as well, he had a hole in his shirt. Like the rich Paul Walker guy?
Ryan: Yeah, it was weird. Yeah, it didn't make any sense.
Renee: It's not in line with his character.
Ryan: No.
Laura: What were you going to say?
Renee: Anna Crispin Glover kind of reminded me of him.
Laura: Really? Yeah.
Renee: his face.
Laura: Yeah, he's got very angular face, pointy nose. but then, Renee, will you tell what happened with the hole in the shirt?
Renee: Sam Rockwell slowly stuck his finger in it and moved it around a little. And then what did he say? Something like, you shouldn't dress like trash or you shouldn't dress I don't remember. I was so mesmerized by it, the sexual tension, because it seemed like it was coming from both sides.
Laura: It absolutely was.
Renee: He put his finger in there and rubbed it around. I don't know. Does anyone else remember the dialogue?
Ryan: I mean, as far as I'm aware, I remember him putting his fingers in there and it felt like he'd put his entire hand through the hole and started pulled it close, like nipples and things. And then it was like, okay, here we go.
Laura: He penetrated him.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: He just and then they had this whole thing with their hands for a moment where they were touching each other's hands.
Ryan: Yes.
Laura: and he said he could have done something better with those hands. I don't remember exactly what he said.
Renee: Lost in it. I was like, what's happening here? But then I just like my mind went blank.
Laura: Yeah. Well, I didn't write anything, and I know that this comes later, or, does it come later? But there's a moment where Sam Rockwell, out of rage, kisses that guy.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: Oh, the backstory there.
Renee: I mean, it's got to be something like I don't know, he hangs out with the other molested guy. Maybe he did some very young, weird stuff to Sam Rockwell and the other molestee.
Laura: Yeah, the parachute short. Parachute short.
Renee: Molested man.
Ryan: Oh, they're fucking.
Renee: That's his BFF, right?
Ryan: Yeah. the para rapist.
Renee: Maybe they're similar. I don't know.
Renee: They went to school. Something about being a doctor. There was something there's a backstory there.
Laura: Yeah. Just not explained.
Renee: Not explained.
Laura: Yeah.
Renee: But Trenton has a lot of backstory.
Laura: Yeah.
Renee: A lot of trauma. The cheese.
Laura: I mean, speaking of backstory yeah. I don't know why he won't take his dad's flags.
Ryan: It's bad enough that he just wants his dad to die so he doesn't have to accept any more flags.
Renee: That scene went from being so heartwarming and sweet to upsetting very quickly.
Ryan: Yes.
Laura: You can tell he has a lot of issues, unresolved issues with his father.
Ryan: Also, it'd be fair to say that I would also be slightly apprehensive about taking the flags because they were effectively stolen flags from comrades he'd met and was in Korea during the Korean War, and he was holding on to these dead men's flags.
Renee: I think it was a way of remembering them, though, I guess.
Ryan: But then he's kind of just giving the flags away.
Renee: Yeah.
Ryan: So it's a little bit of a conflict there, as far as I'm aware. Not to tell the man his business because his brain was being eaten away by canned cheese bacteria. but, yes, if anyone didn't.
Laura: Notice already that there's a really weird part towards the end of this film where Sam Rockwell like, kidnaps not kidnaps, but he takes little Misha Barton and you don't know where they're going. And she says, in the car, where are you taking me? And they end up going to his parents house. And it's really, like you said, really sweet. But then there's this whole fucked up moment with Sam Rockwell and his dad telling his dad that he wishes he would die, and then his dad's trying to give him all these dead man's flags. And I got to be honest, we've all dealt with our parents, and sometimes our parents just want to give us stuff. there's like, oh, I found this in the attic. Can you just take this? Oh. This is yours. Even if it's not yours, just take the shit. take what your parents want to give you and don't even have a conversation about it. If your dad wants to give you all his dead friends flags, just take the damn flags.
Ryan: Yeah, you can just bend them after.
Laura: Yeah, you can do anything you want with these items. They're probably not going to remember. Just put them away somewhere. Or if they're going to come over, maybe put one out just so you go. Remember all those flags he gave me? I still have them. Haha. Wink, wink.
Ryan: But look, there isn't anything as egregious as what's coming up right now. He gives Devin a little yeah, yeah.
Renee: Very upsetting to the whole community.
Ryan: You just can't just go around giving away turtles. That's not how it works.
Renee: No, that obviously means something.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: Make some special friends.
Ryan: secret friends.
Laura: Do you guys remember when we all screamed when he touched her heart surgery scar with his little witch finger?
Renee: His hands are so gross.
Ryan: like triceratops toes. Just, there's a lot of dirty fingers going in places where they shouldn't be going in this movie.
Renee: Word.
Laura: Yeah, there is that trigger warning scene right after that.
Renee: After they touch each other's scars.
Renee: They touch each other scars. We all know that they shouldn't touch each other's scars because they're just in no no places.
Laura: Well, they're not in no no places. His scar is not on his.
Renee: I don't know if you're hanging out with a ten year old girl, either of you taking off your shirt and touching each other. She opens it just in the center, but still it's like no.
Renee: She starts unbuttoning her very sheer dress and his is lower belly. Every spot is a no no spot for both of them on this child.
Renee: Especially on a child when you're like Sam Rockwell and you're like Chiseled, like, like you'll feel something in your no no places.
Renee: Renee lettuce dropping.
Renee: A wet lettuce will drop.
Ryan: Dear.
Laura: I mean, my lettuce drops.
Ryan: well, the thing is yeah. When you're trying to describe these moments, it's hard. That's why I'm just kind of taking a step back.
Renee: yeah, it's uncomfortable.
Ryan: it's really rough.
Laura: I don't want to talk about the trigger warning. Sam Rockwell does something unforgivable.
Ryan: I mean, I can talk about it. I'll say it in a sentence. So earlier on, ah, evil, Paul Walker's dog bit, Sam Rockwell on the hand, bit him on the arm. So he didn't like the dog. The dog was a nice doberman, but the dog got loose after obviously biting him because he gets kicked as well. We're bypassing that. He gets kicked, the dog gets loose. He's running around in the field and, Sam Rockwell chases him in his truck and runs him down and then he's dying. And then Sam Rockwell, batters his HECT in with a two x four.
Laura: Yes.
Ryan: So upsetting.
Renee: And the ten year old sees yeah.
Ryan: And then wraps his dead body, in one of his father's American flags.
Laura: Good thing he took it. Good thing he took the flags. You take what your parents give you.
Renee: It was the canned cheese.
Laura: Yeah. That also was a really strange part.
Ryan: Where he talks about yeah, such a throwaway line.
Laura: American rations. Canned cheese had bacteria that ate his father's brain apart.
Ryan: Yeah. It did make me laugh when I think Renee said something about, like, well, he probably just had a dose of Agent Orange. And that's probably what's eating away at his mind at the moment. well, he dumps the body just outside, the gated property. Just outside the gates.
Renee: Yes.
Ryan: This bloody American rag. Yeah.
Laura: He's like, this is war against Camelot Gardens. Do you guys remember when we all screamed when she called them secret friends?
Renee: Yeah, we should just wrap it up, all that.
Ryan: I think if anything like that happens, it's just like, yes, I need to get away from this child as quick as I can. She's going to drop me in some hot pedophilic shite. I can just tell.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: She's going to start lying and making up stories. I mean, that's what's going to happen here. And she does.
Laura: It all goes pretty downhill to the point where she basically ruins his life.
Ryan: such a weird moment.
Renee: She goes home. She's upset, obviously, as anyone would be, and she can't talk about it. So they all basically assume she was molested. And then she says some trigger things like, we touched each other. We're secret friends.
Laura: He touched my scar. Yeah. He's my secret friend.
Renee: and I love big mistake.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: and you get on a witch hunt.
Renee: Yeah. Not cop. Evil paul Walker villain daddy. They all come at him.
Laura: Yeah, they do.
Ryan: And that's when he gets hit on the cheeks. On the butt cheeks with that two by four. Yeah.
Laura: Boing.
Ryan: Junk in the drunk. son.
Laura: It's his best weapon of defense is that ass.
Renee: He had it kind of perked up, too. Like, almost ready for it.
Laura: Yeah, he did a little bubble butt.
Ryan: Booty squeeze over here, but yeah, he gets the shit kicked out of him. Then, Misha Barton just shoots.
Laura: Shoots that evil Paul Walker in the fucking stomach.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Then climbs a tree. Oh, wait. She like, forces her father onto her knees with a loaded gun. This kid.
Renee: It's not a piggyback.
Laura: What is it called when you get on someone's shoulder? I guess you just get on their shoulder.
Ryan: Yeah, shoulder. Shoulder sit.
Laura: Shoulder sit. Like a girlfriend at a concert.
Ryan: Yeah, pretty much.
Laura: She's too short.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: And she climbs a tree and then just tells the Baba Yaga story and how she set Sam Rockwell free.
Ryan: Yeah. The water rises. The forest comes out of the road. yeah. It's like when you break it down and you put it in simplistic terms. You're just kind of like you're beguiled by exactly what the state of affair like, just step by step everything that seems to happen in this movie.
Renee: So upsetting.
Ryan: It's very upsetting. Yeah. I was expecting a nice movie.
Laura: I forgot about the dog murder. And that is a no go for me. In typically, any film. I'm not a fan.
Ryan: It's incredibly cheap.
Laura: Yes, incredibly cheap.
Ryan: And I don't really understand. I mean, the only reasoning to do it is because the dog bit him. and he doesn't like the guy, but he just fondled his shirt hole. And then he also gave him a nice big aggressive kiss to the point where he bit him on the lip.
Renee: Well, actually, you forget they put sugar in his mower and that, ruined his way for work. Yeah, I guess that was the catalyst. And then, I think, not to read too much into this, because it's still no excuse to murder a dog, whether it bites you or not. But there's like a frustration with this well, the dad thing, but perhaps the relationship with the guy that owned the dog whose lippy bit there's something there with that dog. Maybe a relationship that should have manifested and never did and couldn't. It was like a weird side story.
Laura: Yeah.
Renee: The other part of Trent's backstory is that he's bisexual, but he was very.
Renee: Angry about the mower.
Laura: I agree. But the dog doesn't have thumbs. The dog can't pour sugar in a mower gas tank and ruin it. The dog didn't do anything wrong. And also, the dog was protecting his owner.
Ryan: Yes. You shouldn't use the dog as a pawn in your emotional games.
Laura: Absolutely, Ryan. Well said.
Ryan: Yeah, that's right.
Laura: John fuck Samurai.
Ryan: talking to you, John.
Renee: We were fans of him. He was being appropriate, rooting for playful, but wasn't pushing things. He was just a hard worker on the wrong side of the gate. And then he does that.
Laura: It's all over. Banished.
Renee: Yes.
Laura: Banished thee from Camelot. Motherfucker.
Ryan: Yeah, he does. Yeah. it's a weird, fucked up, strange thing, this movie. It really is.
Laura: I have one thing that, well, now that we're about to wrap this up, but John Dugan said something, and I know he's now a creeper, too, so cool. not m a fan of that. But he was talking about the difference between America as opposed to Europe and Australia in terms of sexuality. In film, which we talk about this a lot.
Ryan: We've talked about it, but this is going to be slightly troubling, probably, coming from him.
Laura: It's not. But it's something we've talked about before because there is a Puritan tradition in America in terms of how we deal with sexuality. So we're very okay with hyper ultraviolence. But in terms when you're starting to take your clothes off, it becomes troublesome in America. anyway, this guy says there's a very strange bias against the depiction of sexuality. You can have the most lord scenes of violence in mayhem and films, but if you have anything more than a relatively tame depiction of sexuality, you run the risk of arousing the wrath of the censors. It's peculiar, that aspect of the society. It actually succeeds in driving a lot of the activities underground. There's probably just as much activity, but it's all under a cloud of pervertedness and guilt. I don't necessarily agree with that because it's not like sexuality has to go underground in America. Americans are m. I'm not going to put that all Americans under the umbrella because obviously we do have a massive problem with sexuality in this country. But in terms of normal people, we're just doing our normal things for the most part, as long as we're allowed to do so. Oh, that's getting into a tough and.
Ryan: Sticky yeah, that's starting to get into something.
Laura: But now I'm thinking about people who can't do what they want to do, and that's completely unfair. So yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, you're right. All right. It's all fucked up.
Ryan: Yeah. No, I think there's an inherent conservatism, with the US and certainly the UK, where, it's a little bit more conservative here.
Laura: Wow.
Laura: All right, so let's go around the table, unless anyone has anything else they want to drop down before we get into our rating.
Renee: I just wanted to say my favorite quote from the whole movie.
Laura: Yes.
Renee: It was back when they were just being chummy friends and nothing was creepy yet. And he told her the story about pissing in the river. And then he said, what you piss in is yours for the rest of your life. And I love that.
Laura: Well, that's why that was his river.
Renee: And then he turns on Bruce Springs being real loud and moons her dad. I love that.
Laura: I love every part of Miss, you know, the time where we could moon people.
Renee: I was thinking about that.
Laura: I haven't mooned anyone in a really long time.
Ryan: That happened to us accidentally at San Francisco. Dude bent down when we were trying to eat pizza and we saw his gaping butthole.
Laura: I saw his whole asshole.
Ryan: Yeah.
Renee: we're more aware of consent now. And Mooning was always like, no, I'm just showing you my ass.
Laura: Yeah. We're not getting consent at all.
Renee: Yeah.
Laura: And if you do say yes, I want to see your butt, then I don't want to show it to them. I want them to not want to see it.
Ryan: And also, I don't like anti consent.
Laura: Yeah. I want anti consent when I moon somebody.
Ryan: The idea of mooning someone should be relatively quite humorous. I feel like we've just gone away from it shocking. But then, honestly, I wouldn't want to show my ass to anybody.
Laura: We don't spread. You don't spread and just pull it.
Renee: Down or lift up your scare so.
Ryan: I don't just slowly pull them down and then start to move. Slowly move my, ass. They can see my hairy asshole.
Renee: Slowness. Usually not involved at all.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: That's when you do like that funny jerk off hand motion. Like, hey, get out of here. But when you start to do it real slow, it starts to freak people out and you stare directly into their eyes.
Ryan: That's from a comedy skit.
Laura: That's from whitest kids, you know?
Ryan: Yeah, it's very funny. That's from a comedy skit. It's pretty good. Yeah. Okay.
Laura: Right.
Ryan: Okay. Well, then I've been doing it wrong all this time.
Laura: Yeah. So you do it quick. You drop and pull drop them down and pull them back up. Right.
Renee: Driving by in a car or something.
Laura: So all next time I drive us to the grocery store, you just go ahead and drop trowel, do a quick moon. But be careful because you're going to.
Ryan: Be like a culp station.
Laura: Got other stuff that could fall out or drop down.
Ryan: Yeah, that's true.
Laura: So you got to make sure that.
Ryan: You maybe that was what the problem.
Laura: Was before your tackle stays in place, come out.
Ryan: Right. Okay.
Laura: It's a hard thing to get out together.
Ryan: It's a hard thing to get my head around because I've been doing it wrong so long. I'm going to have to do some practicing.
Renee: Yeah, practice.
Ryan: Yeah, practice in the bathroom, in the mirror.
Laura: No, that's a good idea.
Ryan: It's just meant to be quick, right? It's just meant to be fast.
Laura: Yes. But you want to make sure they see it, so you don't need to go too fast.
Ryan: Right. So then we'll have to find a mirror.
Laura: It's okay. We're going to work on this together. Do not worry. Don't worry.
Ryan: Right?
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: So we're going to go around the table, and we're, going to do two ratings. the first one is going to be a combined rating of visibility and context on a scale from zero to five, five being wow, that context was amazing. And I could see everything. zero being I couldn't see anything. And it was like a horrible scene and I never want to think about it again. And then we're going to rate the same scale, zero to five, five being the best on the whole film altogether. How did you feel about it? Subjective? Did you like it? Did it suck? I know how we feel. So we're going to see how this goes. I, think we're going to go counterclockwise, starting with Ryan. And we're going to start with visibility and context.
Ryan: Okay. So I'll set the bar, I guess. so for visibility, I gave it like a good four. In terms of context, though, for him to do the dive, it's like, oh, we're getting an insight into his character. And it's nothing that ever really kind of pays off. So let's just kind of look at this moment just in isolation, I guess. I guess it's cool that it happens. And it's like, oh, this kind of like i, guess this guy mows lawns and he talks like he's maybe a little bit simple, knows how to dive. Right. So that's an interesting kind of start to the movie, but I guess, yeah, I maybe would give it four in terms of the scene itself and very much kind of sets the tone for the rest of the movie. It's a little bit weird, it's a little bit offbeat, it's a little bit strange. And I'm like, right, okay. and the kind of tone is set of the film by this point. So contextually, let's just start stop it at like a three so I don't have to go any further with this.
Laura: All right.
Ryan: If we look at it in isolation, I think it's fine. But then when I start thinking about the rest of the movie, I'm like, yeah, can I start falling into the vortex of London? And I'm not really happy about it.
Laura: Since there's a lot of us, why don't you just go ahead and give us your overall film rating as well so we can wrap this up and.
Ryan: We can all go to, don't.
Renee: I thought that was the three.
Ryan: Okay, well, no, three was for the visibility and never I've never seen this movie before. Laura's been going on about it, for a very long time, from the time that she showed me that video of her asking Sam Rockwell a question. And I'm for me, well, I agree with them. He probably shouldn't have to do things like this again. I feel like he's grown out of it because there's stuff like this that's I couldn't get my head around it. I found it to be a little bit sleepy. I don't know if it's a good movie, I don't know if it's awful, but, I'm kind of torn with some of the things that happen in the film and I'm not particularly happy about it. And then, obviously, when you start killing dogs purely for the basis of it trying to be, like, shocking, I'm like, well, yeah, I don't really know what this film is meant to be. And I gave it, a one and a half.
Laura: Okay, cool.
Ryan: It's not as bad as in the Cut.
Renee: I love in the cut.
Ryan: In the Cut is one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
Laura: I also don't hate in the Cut, but I love to make him mad about it.
Ryan: I mean, I'm not mad about it. I'm up on my pedestal and I just look down at the masses of you guys being like, I think it's all right, I think it's good, and I just shake my head in disapproval.
Laura: I can't wait till we do, like, an anniversary in the cut episode. All right, Anna. Ah. You ready?
Renee: Yes. Visibility and context. well, first he gave us the edge, on the edge, and I thought that was just going to be it. But then he comes out of that water full of swagger, swinging back and forth, but not close enough. So with that, like a 4.2, because it was still plenty. And it was nice. So it was a nice scene. There was a good soundtrack. It was sunny out. Yeah. 4.2.
Laura: Excellent.
Renee: As far as the movie, I think there were good performances by him and Misha Barton for her breakout role as well, in a very mature movie for her age.
Renee: But I don't know what the message was. I think they were trying to be a message, like a class thing. I'm not sure. Sam says in a quote, people who own lawns and people who mow lawns never the same people. And that's just not true.
Renee: I have a lawn, sort of, and I mow it.
Laura: Yeah, we don't own this. And I don't mow it either.
Ryan: And there's also not really much to mow. No, really? Yeah. It's in the rental agreement. We're not meant to do it.
Laura: Okay, go on.
Renee: So I feel like almost the two or 2.5 is high, but it's really for the scene of Sam Rockwell.
Laura: Yes.
Renee: That's where I'm going for the two to 2.5.
Laura: Okay.
Renee: Two.
Laura: Okay.
Renee: Just yeah, for that scene.
Laura: Absolutely. All right.
Renee: It's me. visibility and context. I am going with 3.75.
Laura: Wonderful.
Renee: I think it is a pretty scene. It's fun. I like the water bouncing off his body while he's standing there. I do think it tells us a little bit about his character. I agree with Anna completely that it just wasn't close enough for me. even though everything else about it was great. and then the movie itself, I give Yard Dogs, three. I thought there was some really good parts to it. I thought there were some really pretty parts. I do think that all the other characters other than the two main leads fell flat for me. They were not real people. They weren't fully formed for me. They're like, just bad. so, yeah, three.
Laura: Wonderful.
Laura: So here we are at the end. I'm going to give the visibility and context a four. I'd originally written a five, but I changed it because of all of your guys comments. I think you're right. It could have been closer, but, I mean, this is a pretty good one. So I could even go up to a four and a half because for how long it's on the screen and you kind of get a double dose, which I appreciate. He's also like, the whole package is enjoyable. You're right. Like the scene, knowing that he's really stinky, but he's going to get a little bit of a bath in the river. I don't know how long it took him to get back up because, like we said, that's 30ft down. He had to swim out? Are there stairs? Like, how did he get back up so fast?
Ryan: And he wasn't by the beauty of editing, he just ends up back on the bridge again.
Laura: It just seems like he would have been there a long time and he probably left the keys in the car because he wasn't wearing any clothes. So if I were someone on the bridge, I would have tried to move his car anyway. I think that's maybe four and a half. For me, I thought it was good. I liked the length of time it was on the screen. And I do think in terms of telling about his character, I thought he maybe would have been a little bit of a stronger character. He seemed like, instead of striking out against the people who have done him wrong, he struck out against an innocent dog. So I think that's pretty weak of character when you're kind of showing us in the beginning that you're like a strong, independent man that don't give no shit about nothing, but you're actually kind of a little bitch because you take it out on an innocent animal. That's really uncool. But I forgot about that part in that movie, obviously, because I had to shut down from the trauma, which is why I remember this movie so fondly. But I'm going to give the movie a two and a half. And if I were to rate it simply on the basis of what happened to that dog, it'd be like a one and a half. But it balances out just because we get all that Sam Rockwell fun because he's very fun in this movie. And I think that he steals the show because without him, this movie would be a literal pile of hot garbage.
Renee: agree.
Laura: Misha Barton's. Also great. she's just a little girl, but, yeah, that's where I am. We did it.
Ryan: Yay.
Laura: Yay.
Laura: Thank you guys so much for coming over here and talking about a movie that I have a long history with just on the basis of asking Sam Rockwell about his penis all those years ago. And it's kind of one of those originators, like the original kind of films that really kind of solidified what I wanted to do with this whole story. Like with the story of the website, the story of on the Beat, the podcast and everything. This is one of the OG movies for me, and it's a big one. And even though maybe it's not as good as I remember, but it's still like a big deal in the canon in the catalog of on the Beat, I think, for me. And I'm glad that we all got to share that together.
Ryan: Yes. Let's just point, out that something doesn't need to be good in order for it to be important. Indeed.
Renee: Well said.
Ryan: There we go.
Laura: Indeed.
Ryan: Yes. Because this film is fucking stinking crap.
Laura: But if you want to see a 29 year old Sam walkwell, jump off a bridge, and become the Sam Cockwell we know and love, then you have to watch this movie. And it's for you. It's out there for you. Sam Rockwell is always good.
Ryan: Well, I hope that the movie we cover later that also has a very similar kind of, naked, vibes to it is better than this one.
Laura: Well, the next Sam Rockwell we do also has a naked John Taturo in it.
Ryan: God damn. a double down on the Jesus.
Laura: So thank you guys again. Thank you, Anna, for coming over. I'm so excited that you could come over and do this with us. and yeah. So coming to you from Camelot Gardens. I'm going to make you all say who you are.
Ryan: She just said, coming to you from the pumping station. Because they said that in the movie as well. I don't know what it was referring to.
Renee: Her heart.
Ryan: Oh, that's right. She got herself another pumping station.
Laura: I'm not going to say that. Coming to you from the pumping station.
Renee: In a ten year old girl's heart.
Renee: Oh, boy.
Laura: Coming to you from, like, the Baba Yaga dog house.
Renee: Coming to you from the ribbon tree or the tin can.
Renee: Oh, yeah, the fallen lettuce.
Laura: Coming to you from a wet, crispy piece of moist lettuce.
Renee: I have been Laura, Naimana and Renee.
Laura: I'm Laura. Again, just wrap it up around a nice circle. thanks, guys, and we'll see you for the next one. Bye.