We decided it was time to lighten things up a bit, so we opted for a British body swap (?) film: VIRTUAL SEXUALITY!
Ryan felt we needed to lighten things up and dive back into some digestible fluff that he could get into his snarling teeth. But kinda what we found was that he's been tamed slightly. No longer has the pretentiousness of cinema's past enveloped his dark soul now that he's found the work of Nick Hurran.
Yes. Nick. Oh, sweet Nick. This man knows what he's doing with this (one of his many "body swap" films in his filmography). This happens to be one of the better examples. Now, it's no BIG. It's no FREAKY FRIDAY. It's VIRTUAL SEXUALITY: the spunky British comedy with plenty of that late 90's style and lack of taste that the early 00's also brought.
But hey, it's nostalgia. You kinda had to be there.
(Also, Ryan remains unchanged.)
Laura: Futures made of virtual sexuality. Well, hello there. Welcome to On the BiTTE the podcast that uncovers full frontal male nudity in cinema. My name is Laura, and I am joined by my. I am joined by my co host, Ryan.
Ryan: Hello.
Laura: And the dog. The dog joined us as well. He has nothing to say.
Ryan: Well, he can't say anything. He's a dog.
Laura: If he starts saying things, I'm leaving.
Ryan: He's actually very vocal, like he's an animal that he has a lot to say.
Laura: I don't know if he has an opinion about the 1999 comedy virtual sexuality, which is the film we are uncovering today.
Ryan: What a treat for our 80th episode.
Laura: Um, a wonderful fan of ours brought this to light after our nine songs episode.
Ryan: It was. Well, I think when we initially watched it, because we watched it before, and we're like, oh, I don't want to sit through this. But then we checked it, and because it did have stuff in it, we were like, oh, I guess we'll come back to this one.
Laura: I had a different opinion when we first watched it, and I loved it. So it hasn't changed too much from.
Ryan: Then to now, I think. Well, I didn't like it when we watched the first, like, 20 or 30 minutes of it, and then I watched it all the way through, and I had a lot more questions, but I didn't dislike it. It's weird. Yeah, it's a weird thing, because I thought, let's do virtual sexuality, because it will be a nice, lighter addition to some of this stuff. It's shorter, for starters, than some of the stuff that we covered for June. So I was like, let's do something that's kind of stupid, and Ryan will just reel on it like crazy, just pummel it with volcanic heat.
Laura: And then.
Ryan: And then I feel. I think it's a sign of my age, though. I think, like, I'm starting to. I'm starting to simmer down a little bit.
Laura: I don't agree. I don't think that's true. But this film is 1999. This film is high school for us.
Ryan: Oh, this is. Yeah, this is 99 as fuck. Like, this is great. Yeah, this is, like, at the cusp of, like, y two k, just before the dawn of the new millennium. Um, this. Yeah, this is it kind of wrapped up in a Nutshell.
Laura: I have a deep, resounding love for y two k movies, for films that go into virtual reality.
Ryan: Yes. I thought we.
Laura: Pretty weird thing. Lawnmower man, disclosure, ghost in the machine.
Ryan: I could go on Johnny Mnemonic.
Laura: Yes.
Ryan: Hackers yes. Although hacker. Hackers is like, that's not really a VR. It's not really a VR thing, but it does VR. It has like, uh, its representation of what hackers do. Virtuosity, in a cinematic sense, is quite funny. Yeah, virtuosity.
Laura: I have a list that I made on letterbox.
Ryan: You did? Yeah, you did? I think films. Yeah. Whenever we get the opportunity to do anything with some VR in it, I think you get very excited.
Laura: I'm really hyped.
Ryan: Yeah, very hyped.
Laura: So this film stars Laura Fraser as Justine, who I believe went to your alma mater, Ryan.
Ryan: She went to what?
Laura: Your alma mater.
Ryan: What's that mean?
Laura: She went to the royal conservatoire of Scotland. Oh, she went to.
Ryan: Well, it wasn't the royal conservatoire of Scotland back then. It was the. It was the Royal Academy of. Royal Scottish Academy of music and drama.
Laura: Same building.
Ryan: Yes, the same building. It changed its name just as I. As I left. And, yeah, we weren't very happy about that, but, yes, it's been a. It's been a scots institution for the arts for quite a, uh, quite a while. Well, good for her.
Laura: She's from Glasgow.
Ryan: Quite a lot of people have come from there. She's from Glasgow?
Laura: Mm hmm.
Ryan: Well, that's nice. That's nice to know. This is stuff I didn't really know. This is all news to me.
Laura: Well, that's what I'm here for. Rupert Penry Jones plays Jake, Luke de Lacy plays Chaz Lovett. And Kieran O'Brien, he's fucking back. I keep wanting to say it because we've been watching Love island, so this will not make any sense to anybody, and it won't be funny later. But the guy.
Ryan: I'm glad we're. Yeah, I'm glad we're entertaining our audience with, like this. Like this. Yeah, just take time doing this. Continue
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Ryan: on.
Laura: Key it in.
Ryan: Oh, dear.
Laura: Anyone watch Love island?
Ryan: Um. Um.
Laura: They can't hear me. They can hear me, but I can't hear them.
Ryan: It's only gonna be for people who watch the UK version. And I don't know if our audience watches Love Island. I feel like they. They have a certain caliber of entertainment that maybe they would.
Laura: What's wrong with us, then?
Ryan: What's wrong with us? Because we just. We have, like, I'm. I'm kind of. I'm kind of weird in a way that I. I like to gravitate towards more trash stuff more now, because, like, I think a level of pretension has become very selective now. It's like, I won't watch some of the stuff that you watch when, you know, you're at home on your own. Like the fucking Eric Roemer box sets that you're now buying yourself and watching at nauseam.
Laura: Good.
Ryan: Oh, my God.
Laura: Eric Roemer is my 2024 summer love language.
Ryan: I think I think it's I think you know what? His films are probably very, very good. I'm just. Yeah, I'm just.
Laura: Now you're just annoyed that I'm watching them all the time.
Ryan: I think so, yeah.
Laura: That's why you don't.
Ryan: I'm just pissed. I'm just starting. Yeah. I'm starting to simmer again. Fuck.
Laura: Oh, God.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Okay. This film was directed by Nick. Oh, wow. I never had any practice.
Ryan: This Hurna Hurran. It's either Hurin or Hurin. Cause I can say that Hurin, like I'm Hurran around. Um, or Hurran. I mean, it doesn't really matter. I mean, I can get away with it. Cause you can. I can say it. How would you say it?
Laura: I think if I was really saying it in an american way, Hurrin Huron. Nick Huron is probably what I would say.
Ryan: Yeah, I think that's what we're gonna see. But anyway, Nick is a british film and television director. Um, his 1998 film, Girls Night, was entered into the 48th Berlin International Film Festival.
Laura: Well.
Ryan: Well, um, so he's got quite a slim filmography. And for the most part, he's done a ton of tv. Um, I would say, if you want to look at the list of the stuff that he's done, it kind of goes all the way up to about 2018, because certainly he has his cinematic career. And then he kind of primarily goes back to doing tv, mostly at the BBC. Doctor who, Sherlock, uh, the prisoner, which I think was a remake of the old seventies version of the prisoner, which is probably one of my favorite shows ever. Um, but in terms of his films, it, uh, starts off with 97 called remember me. Um, 98 we had girls night. 99, we have virtual sexuality. Um, 2002, plots with a view. 2004, little black book. And 2006 we have. It's a boy girl thing. Now, we did watch a couple of other things that he's made because they're not. They're not terrible.
Laura: Last night I watched little black book, and today I watched it's a boy girl thing. And I gotta tell ya, this is very consumable. It's all easy watching.
Ryan: It's very.
Laura: Yeah, I don't hate it at all.
Ryan: It's very much fluffed. It's a little predictable. But he has very similar themes through his work that we've found.
Laura: He's done more than one body swap.
Ryan: Movie, like a freaky Friday or like beg, I guess, is the one I would liken. It's gonna be more like virtual sexuality.
Laura: Too, because virtual sexuality is weird. It is weird and surprising.
Ryan: It does some very surprising weird shit.
Laura: It's a boy girl thing. Very classic.
Ryan: It feels a little bit more like. Yeah, your classic body swap movie. Mhm. Um, virtual sexuality, I think, is a little bit more, I hate to say, a little bit more clever. It does some more clever sciency stuff. Um, yeah, it's a little bit more out of town. It's a little bit more sciency. Um, well, it is.
Laura: I did want to bring up that he's directed two episodes of altered carbon, one of which does have at least one full frontal male nudity scene in it. Yeah, season one, episode three.
Ryan: Mm hmm. I mean, from looking at the rest of his filmography, I don't know if we'll ever return to Nick's work.
Laura: Not as far as I've seen so far, no. But, uh, if we did, I wouldn't be mad about it.
Ryan: No. No.
Laura: The ones I've watched in the last couple days do not find this is.
Ryan: An odd situation where we've watched, I felt more involved in this man's filmography than even some of the more notable names that we've covered on, like the podcast. Why, like, schrader and stuff? I don't know.
Laura: I'm just really interested in this.
Ryan: Well, I don't know. It's been on. Like, I come home and it's on, and I'm like, I
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Ryan: could watch this, you know, like, it's one of those. It's one of those kinds of moments.
Laura: If you guys haven't seen little black book in a while, it's Brittany Murphy fucked. Yeah, that was also very surprising.
Ryan: Yeah, that's super fucked up as well.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Like, the ending of that movie is, like, awesome. It's wild.
Laura: Um, some villains in that film.
Ryan: Yeah. But it's also. Well, yeah, I mean, Holly. Holly Hunter's in that movie as well. Yeah, well, she's very, like, sinewy in that movie. Like, she's kind of like a. Not like built like a brick shithouse, but she's very. Two thousands, let's put it that way. Yeah, yeah, she's one of those. Yeah, she's very good in it. Um, and I do like it. Uh, but, yeah, why not? Uh, why don't we get into the synopsis okay.
Laura: A frustrated teenage girl creates her perfect man in a virtual reality machine, and in a freak accident, gives him life. She is a God with the help of virtual reality. The tagline of this film is, uh, if you can't find the perfect guy, make one. Also, on the front of the dvd, it says, love is just a point and click away. Um, so, yeah, I don't know, it's, uh. Yeah, it's wonderful.
Ryan: It's. Yeah, it's very, um. Um. It's got a real kind of british sensibility about it. Like british films from the nineties that had. How. How would we describe it? Because I don't want to compare it to, like, train spotting and stuff like that.
Laura: There are some connections to train spotting in this films.
Ryan: Films. British films of the nineties is they kind of, they steered away from the kind of closeted, kind of, like, blanketed, I guess, kind of like, stuffy feeling about them, and kind of moved into the modern era, um, with a little bit more style and a little bit more class and a little bit more identity. And I think the nineties is kind of. It's like the. It's like the new, new british, new wave of films coming out. And I would say that virtual sexuality to a certain extent, although it kind of like, it has this weird sort of like. It feels like a very kind of glorified, like, BBC kids show, but it's for, like, adults. It kind of feels a little bit like something like that.
Laura: Um, you can see the class and identity that this film has, especially since it begins with a wipe right at the beginning.
Ryan: There are some transitions in this movie that I do not dislike. I work in the audio visual industry, and I have seen some. I've seen some slideshows with some custom transitions. One of which I think I've described before, is maybe my favorite is the slide that folds up into an origami swan and then flies away sick. It was. Well, that was like, that was a crescendo of a series of custom animations that this person had. And they were like, they were like, well, I'm gonna be out in front of a thousand people. I'm just gonna go for it. And they did a whole bunch of stuff. I remember watching it, and I remember seeing the guys after I was, like, usually transitioned. Right.
Laura: They were fucking wild, you know, have fun with it. Just have a good time.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. No, just, like, throw professionalism out the window. You don't need to know. You don't need to look good at what you're doing. You just have to make sure that people are entertained.
Laura: That's what this film is.
Ryan: That's the mantra I hold on to.
Laura: This film doesn't look bad. I'm just joking. But this film is actually, uh, based on a novel called virtual sexual reality. Came, uh, out in 1994, and it was part two of Chloe Ray ban's four part Justine novel series. Okay, so there's more. Uh, Chloe Rayban's a young adult author, so.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah, I mean, that makes sense. This is definitely. I mean, this is more. This is r rated. And everyone is playing teenagers, even though they. I mean, for the most part, they don't look like they're teenagers. Um, they look like they're definitely in their mid twenties, close to their thirties.
Laura: If you were wondering why Rupert Henry Jones maybe looks too old to play a teenager, it's because he was 28 or 29 when they filmed this motion picture.
Ryan: Oof. Yeah, he's also. Yeah, but he's also, as we go on, like he's
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Ryan: not real. Like he is a creation.
Laura: We might have to argue about this. I don't know. I have a lot to say about that.
Ryan: This is gonna be like a real bone of contention just for the podcast in general.
Laura: I think we're gonna get into some trouble here, but it's gonna be fun.
Ryan: I don't. I'm looking forward to, like, breaking it down and, like, figuring it out. This fucking weird y two k like nonsense.
Laura: The Nol gay motion picture company produced this film who were also responsible for train spotting.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: And I don't know if you. The soundtrack is great. The soundtrack is super fun. I mean, the whole movie is very nostalgic of that time. There's the hair, you know, the clothes, the music. Everything is wonderful. I'm gonna put some of these songs like imogen heap, all saints. Uh, I'm putting some of this music on. My favorite songs.
Ryan: Listen. It's very indicative of the time. Like, it takes you back. It's a little. It's a little nostalgic because certainly this is the period of time where you and me would have been. Well, yeah, we would have been teenagers at this point.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Like, just getting into the two thousands.
Laura: You know, um, 15, 1614, something like that.
Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. Cause, I mean, we left school at 2003, so.
Laura: Yeah, I. I can count. So can I. Heath ledger actually flew from Australia to read for the role of Jake.
Ryan: Fucking hell.
Laura: Boom. He flew then to the states and ended up booking ten things I hate about you.
Ryan: Oh, well, then that's okay. That's fine. He was destined to play that role. Yeah, yeah, no, he made the right decision there. That movie is pretty good. Um, I mean, that's his standout. That's one of his standout roles. Those ten things I hear about you.
Laura: Yeah, it's great.
Ryan: Yeah, it's a really good movie, but. Yeah, um, that's fine. No, I think. Who. They get to play Jake in this? Yeah, I mean, it's like the whole thing where he's like, he's got. He's blonde and he's like this tall, lanky man, and it's like he's. For what? This girl, she's a young woman. She's 17.
Laura: Yes.
Ryan: Um, absolutely obsessed with sex and busting her cherry as all 17 year olds are apt to do. Well, I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, she's looking for Mister right. She wants to have sex with the right person. She just doesn't want to do it. She wants to, like, fall in love and all these sorts of things. Very kind of idyllic. Yeah, there's a very, very idyllic sense of living in this, in this picture.
Laura: I don't know if that's how every girl felt in high school. It's certainly not how I felt. I, um, wasn't waiting around for mister right.
Ryan: I wasn't talking about in reality. I'm talking about, um. I'm talking about the reality in this film and in films of this.
Laura: The virtual reality, sexuality.
Ryan: Yeah, it's a trope.
Laura: It's a trope of the hyperdez school thing. Oh, I've got to get laid. I have to lose my virginity. It's got to be perfect. It's american pie. It's every american high school movie that exists.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: So it's fine. I'll allow it. I get it. So she's going out with all these crappy guys. She's annoyed that everyone sucks. She keeps talking about Mister Barcode as if that's a thing.
Ryan: Yeah, I, uh. Yeah, they were gonna. She was gonna scan the right barcode and their barcodes were gonna match up or something, right?
Laura: Yeah, it's fine.
Ryan: It's a tropey thing that I think has come from the US, like, from America for sure. But, you know, by the time you're 17 in the UK, like, you gotta have kids, right? Yeah, pretty much. Or you're like, living off the system because you have a couple of children. Uh, yeah, I mean, it's not the same for everybody. I'm not saying that's the case. Cause I'm from the UK and I'm also from Scotland. It was, you know, it's like if you've no. If, you know, lost your virginity by 1415, then, you know. Cause the age of consent over there is like 16. Um. Yikes, you know? Yeah, yeah.
Laura: So there's the things in particular that jumped out to me that reminded me of high school were when she goes on the date with the Mister barcode and he's a shitty dude and he's got an annoying cardinal, and he takes the CD player face off.
Ryan: Fuck. Yay, dice.
Laura: Uh, oh, my gosh. I remember when my, it was probably my Hyundai Elantra that I had in high school. And I remember my dad putting in a CD player and he goes, you gotta take that
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Laura: off, you know, when someone's stealing it.
Ryan: Yeah. My dad had it in a case.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: He used to take it out and put it in a case and then take it into the house.
Laura: I even recently, in the last six months, went to go look for a new. I got an older used car and I needed like a new system so I could play Bluetooth things on it.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: And I go to a place and he goes, oh, well, if you don't like the ones that are touchscreen, you know, that have your bluetooth and everything on it, you can get some of these. These are cheaper. And it was the same shit. They still sell those for the CD players in your car and you could take the face off. I was blown away. They still make those?
Ryan: Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, you can't have dead technology if it continues to work and function. Um, yeah, no, I'm, I'm totally fine with that. I just, I think, like, it makes more sense now because we're not, we're not carrying a bunch of cds. Like, I remember, I remember my dad having in the booties car. He had like a triple cd changer.
Laura: Uh, absolutely.
Ryan: And he would change out, uh, and be like, what do I want on this driver for this week? Or whatever, and he could change which CD it was. Yes. But then he had a ring binder full of cds. I remember going out with my dad at the weekends and stuff. He would go to like, HMV and stuff like that. He would go to the sales, no joke. He'd come home with like ten cds, like every weekend.
Laura: I mean, my car, when I was in high school, I had a binder in the car and then I had the, uh. Yeah, you have that or the flip down on your visor, you know.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: You've got ten cds up there. That are just cooking in the heat.
Ryan: In the heat. Yeah. Well, you didn't. Yeah. You didn't have that problem in Scotland. Oh, right. Yeah. Um, certainly, certainly, yes. It is very, uh, much a product of the time. Also, like, I have an issue with people who wear sunglasses at night as well. And this guy did it and it's.
Laura: Like, oh, that just means you're really cool, that's all.
Ryan: Yeah, he was rad.
Laura: So rad. Justine has a big Willie style poster in her bedroom. Did you clock that?
Ryan: Mm hmm. Mhm.
Laura: Amazing. I want one now. It's an amazing album.
Ryan: Yeah. Which is ironic because she's all about those big willies.
Laura: She really is.
Ryan: Yeah, she was. She's all about, she's all about a big length of cock, this one. Jesus.
Laura: Oh gosh. So yeah, our main character Justine is trying to get laid by Kieran O'Brien, who's kind of the resident sexy guy at school. Big man about town.
Ryan: Yeah, he is the man about town. Um, I showed her the time of her life.
Laura: He seems like the worst. Yes, but that's just how it goes.
Ryan: You know, that's just how he's been written. Um, he's, yeah, he's.
Laura: This is a work of fiction, laura.
Ryan: Remember, this is not real. Um, no, he's, yeah, there's a lot of chat about like, oh no, I'm a virgin. And I'm like, being a girl is the best. And you're like blokes, what are they all about? It's kind of like the covers of like lads mags and stuff like that. And it's like these men and it's all this sort of stuff. And like, you know, she meets a couple of builders, you know, one of them goes like, your legs would make a lovely scarf.
Laura: That's pretty good.
Ryan: There's some humor in this. I mean, one of my favorite lines in the entire film is I think it's, I think it's very fucking funny.
Laura: Yes.
Ryan: When he's, when he, remember when he's washing the car windscreens.
Laura: Yes.
Ryan: And there's the cabbie like just behind him and he just, the cabbie just goes to me, goes, all right, cock.
Laura: Never understood why he was washing windows.
Ryan: That was, it just happened.
Laura: Well, let's just film some money.
Ryan: Let's just get it out of the way. It's fucking stupid. It doesn't make any goddamn sense.
Laura: Right.
Ryan: Just out there in a, in a, in a fucking wife beater. Like cleaning windscreens like a tramp, which is basically like, that's why they do it. I don't know why they couldn't have done anything else. But.
Laura: Yeah, I don't know what the point of it was. No, it kind of comes back around. Okay, hold on. Just for reference, I just kind of want to go over the body swap thing really quick.
Ryan: Yeah, we can.
Laura: Just. So that we can eventually get to the locker room penis scene, but carnage.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Yeah. So in order to try to get with. What is his character's name? Alex. Okay. Alex Kirin. Orion is Alex.
Ryan: Because there's only a handful of men in this, and I don't have, like, Jake in general, isn't really. I just isn't really a character to me. It's kind of just an extension of Justine, effectively.
Laura: I mean, that
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Laura: makes sense, considering what happens.
Ryan: But then it's mostly Alex and Chaz who are kind of, like, diametrically opposed, but they're actually. They're friends. Like, they hang out with each other.
Laura: I'm sure that they've known each other since they were kids, and they only, uh. They use each other, you know, pretty much, yeah.
Ryan: I, uh, mean, that's. You get. Yeah, you get your use out of folk in school, and then you don't really ever see them again.
Laura: Cause I know that when I really wanted to watch pornography with my friends, I would just call them up and bring my big box of porn over when their parents were out and smoke cigars in their house.
Ryan: Yeah, that's a weird. That's a weird scene.
Laura: Who, uh, watches pornography with friends?
Ryan: It's also very weird pornography. It's like cleaning windshields pornography, funnily enough. And she's like, licking the hose water.
Laura: I guess you. You know, you have fun, kitschy porn and you've got porn with a story. That's. That's not what this looked like.
Ryan: You know, this looked like video art stuff. It looked. You know what it looked like? It looked. It looked european. That's what it did. Well, yeah.
Laura: Okay. Anyway, she is trying to go on a date with Alex. It doesn't work out. So she goes to a VR convention with Chaz.
Ryan: Yeah. Cause she's got a best pal, Fran. Let's not forget about Fran.
Laura: Totally.
Ryan: Yeah. She's a. Ah, she's a right. She's a right goer. She's a right bundle of laughs. A firecracker.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: But she's also ladies. She is definitely. She has lost her virginity. So I guess it's kind of like you have Justine and Fran. Justine, obviously, who's still a virgin. And Fran's like, helping her along. And then Chaz and Alex. Alex, who's had plenty of women, according to him. And then also Chaz, who's just a bit of a geek.
Laura: It's a 100% a. She's all that situation where you've got the geek, and the geek takes the glasses off and you go, wow.
Ryan: Pretty much.
Laura: You've been hot all along.
Ryan: Mm hmm. Yeah. It's like. Yeah, it's like Clark Kent. It's like you'd never know he was Superman unless he was wearing those glasses.
Laura: Absolutely.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Um, so Justine goes into the narcissus machine, where she can see what she would look like if she had different colored hair or eyes or bigger boobs. And then she was like, what if I was a dude? Or what? Maybe that's not what she was thinking necessarily. But let me see what a, uh, hot dude I could make from this machine.
Ryan: Yeah. Her ideal man on a surface level.
Laura: I guess, because all she can think about is getting laid. That is all she wants. She's crazy for it.
Ryan: Yeah. I did laugh, as they say back home. Ganton.
Laura: Absolutely.
Ryan: Yeah. She couldn't. Yeah.
Laura: Once a trot, when she.
Ryan: Wetter than an otter's pocket changes.
Laura: Her sex to male. Right. And then she makes his dick really big in the machine, and then the people outside could see it, and the machine operator is. Is going, oh. Oh, my. And just makes a big old penis.
Ryan: I mean, that's just like Baldur's gate three. Like, that's just straight out of character creations for video games now anyway, because, uh, yeah, Baldur's gate three had a really big, like, they had a big dick thing where you have a massive bulge.
Laura: Cool.
Ryan: Yeah. And you can get yourself a nice big dick if you want one.
Laura: Our director has, uh, a love of boner jokes and penises. The movie I was just watching, the. It's a boy girl thing. Lots of boners.
Ryan: I mean, I would try anybody to not look at that nightclub scene where Jake's just standing there with a yemenite with a rock hard boner, and everyone's, like, dancing around.
Laura: And it's hilarious.
Ryan: It's like.
Laura: It's great.
Ryan: It's hilarious to the point where it's weird as fuck.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Like, just seeing that happen.
Laura: I gotta say, in it's a boy girl thing, the boners are so big that I'm confused as to why they would do that. Cause it. I don't know. I'm trying to think. I don't know. It's as though you had a ruler, a foot long, really big. And she's going, wise, my bone is so big. And at least in this movie, it's a little bit more contained. Even though he has supposedly, uh, a really big penis. Because she made it that way.
Ryan: Yeah, of course.
Laura: Anyway, okay.
Ryan: Yeah, well, she said it was like nine inches or something. Yeah, yeah, something like that. And he does. Like, there's a dick slap. Like there's the.
00:30:00
Ryan: Yeah, the film hits. The film hits a lot of very, like, very predictable. But like that, it hits all of the. All of the stuff you would expect from this kind of, uh, you know, we'll say in quotations, body swap film, you know, where you're testing out the waters in your new body, so to speak. Um. Yes. Yeah.
Laura: Okay. And it's so this whole shenanigan gets rolling into motion because one of the construction workers that was saying, you know, I want to wrap my. Your legs around my neck. Right.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Your legs would make a great scarf, of course. Throws a cigar. Right. Isn't that what it was?
Ryan: No. Or was it a taxi driver? The young one of the builders, uh, puts a hole through a gas pipe and then. And the taxi driver flicks his cigarette and then that causes a gas explosion.
Laura: That then somehow turns our main character into the man that she created in this VR machine.
Ryan: Well, it blows up the entirety of the expo.
Laura: Right.
Ryan: Yeah. So it's like, uh. It's kind of like, uh. It's like the aftermath of the beaches in Normandy. Like people are like, crawling out of wreckage and they're, like, looking for their friends. And you see this sequence where, you know, we think it's justine and seeing her point of view and stuff like that, and people are running around like, it looks like. It looks. It's horrific. Um, you know, but then that's when you begin to realize that Justine is now. Jake.
Laura: Jake. Yeah, I gotta say, no notes. Totally normal logic. And I. And I bought it hook, line and sinker is totally into it.
Ryan: Yeah. But the issue. The main issue I have with, like, how they've done this, because we do get a later reveal. Right. But then Jake is waiting. Like, if Jake is meant to be Justine, Jake is wearing the clothes Justine was wearing before the transformation. But as we read, like, we find out later on, it's not like Justine is Jake. Part of Justine is in Jake, but Jake is like a separate entity.
Laura: It's as though Justine was split, split in half and one of the halves turned into the computer man.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: But with her soul, memories and entire being, except in a man's body.
Ryan: Pretty much, yeah. Uh, like, she's been transposed into a.
Laura: Man'S body is bananas.
Ryan: It doesn't.
Laura: I was freaking out when that reveal happened, when Jake sees him herself in the car with Fran.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: And I didn't know who was the main character anymore. I didn't know what was going on. Uh, it blew me away. It was. It was very different to any type of body swap. Weird type of big type of movie I've ever seen.
Ryan: It was. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it kind of. It. I was. Yeah, I double took a little bit. I was like, whoa, what's going on here?
Laura: I think I said what out loud to.
Ryan: I did the exact same thing. And I watched this at work. I was just like, what? Yeah, hold on.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Like, what the fuck?
Laura: I did like, the montage, we were just talking about it. Uh, the montage of Jake looking at his man bits and shaving was going to shave his pits. And he goes, oh, no, I don't have to do that. And then, I mean, he didn't need.
Ryan: To do it anyway. There wasn't any hair there to begin.
Laura: With, but the slapping of the wiener against the legs. Hilarious.
Ryan: Yes. We're all capable of doing that.
Laura: It's very fun.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Um, if I could, I would. It's great. It looks like a great time.
Ryan: But I think one of the interesting things about that sequence is that immediately, because you're still under the assumption that this is Justine.
Laura: It's just Justine.
Ryan: Just justine in a man's body. But she's. She. Or at least like, you're under understanding that this person's in this. In this body, but she's, uh. Because she's in a m. Male body. Because that happens in the bath. Right? She gets a boner in the bath.
Laura: Yes.
Ryan: And you're not 100% sure. Like, what is it in the magazine that's turning her on? Is it the boobies or is it the bulge? Yeah, you know what I mean? So there's interesting kind of weird gender swapping, like gender norms
00:35:00
Ryan: and stuff being kind of, you know, flipped around and stuff like that.
Laura: Well, when Jake gets the boner in the club, it's because Hoover was all over him.
Ryan: Hoover? Yeah. Let's not forget about Hoover. Well, they call her Hoover because she sucks up everything. Which I think is kind of like, well, she owns it. She's kind of, I mean, I don't know. What would you call her?
Laura: It's interesting because when I heard the name Hoover, I thought, well, that's not nice. And they're not being very nice to her, and it seems very slut Shamye, but it actually isn't.
Ryan: No, she owns it.
Laura: She's the queen bee of the school. She's the hot chick of school. She gets all the guys.
Ryan: If she sees the man she wants, she gets it. Like, she knows what she does. Yeah. So it's not really slut Shamey. It's kind of like. Yeah, she's like, empowered. Yeah, to quite a certain extent. Um, you know, if she wants a guy, she'll get the guy. Um, again, that's another interesting moment in that nightclub. Is that like. Again, you're under the assumption that that's still Justine, I think, at that point, yeah. And.
Laura: But it is.
Ryan: She's getting. She's getting boners off of the. Off of the other lassies.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: So it's kind of. Yeah, you're kind of. Yeah. I don't know, stuff like that kind of made it slightly more interesting. Well, that whole seat, you know, that whole sequence where he's, like, looking in the mirror and stuff like that, and he's looking at his body m and stuff, it kind of reminded me of Spider man.
Laura: Like Tobye.
Ryan: Yeah, they told me Maguire, Spider man, where he's like, looking at his arms and his, you know, his pecs and stuff like that.
Laura: Why wouldn't she get a boner looking at herself as a man? Is that.
Ryan: I guess that's kind of where I'm going with it. It's kind of. Yeah.
Laura: Wouldn't you turn yourself on because you. It's not your body and it's your ideal man body, potentially. Hmm.
Ryan: M potentially. But it's like, a lot of fun.
Laura: To be had, potentially with that.
Ryan: It's. It's an interesting concept. I think it's maybe. It's maybe just going a little bit far. It's maybe a little bit too cerebral.
Laura: I'm trying to make my own body swap movie.
Ryan: You are in your own head.
Laura: Yeah, I was talking about that other movie.
Ryan: This is not the first time.
Laura: It's a boy girl thing. And I go, okay, so if they switched bodies.
Ryan: This is not the first time you've ever brought this up, though. Like, if you've ever had a. What?
Laura: Sex with each other? Is that gay? Or is it self love or is it kinky? I don't know. Is it everything? It's not gay, but you're looking at yourself. You're having sex with yourself.
Ryan: Yeah, but that person's also having sex with themselves.
Laura: Exactly.
Ryan: So it's like having sex with a mirror except.
Laura: But with.
Ryan: Except your swaps.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: So it's not gay because it's still like still different. You know, still members of the opposite sex involved there.
Laura: Hm.
Ryan: I don't think any of that's gay. I just think it's like. It's like having. It's like having a very literal out of body experience.
Laura: Oh, yeah.
Ryan: You know, it's like you're. Because I feel like I've had moments like that when I've like tried to walk home after a night out and I'm just like vomiting. And I literally feel like I can see. See myself.
Laura: Wow.
Ryan: And I'm just like. This is the worst I've ever felt in my life. And then I do it the next again week.
Laura: I wanna talk about some locker room boys. I'm ready to talk about these boys.
Ryan: I think we're gonna couple them together because they're pretty much the same. They're pretty much the same thing. But basically what you get, it's carnage. It's just utter card.
Laura: And it's so fun. It's really fun. Okay. So this penis scene comes in at, uh. 31 minutes and 54 seconds. And it's very, uh. Funny. Very funny.
Ryan: For whatever reason, they play basketball. And I would have thought why they not playing football.
Laura: True.
Ryan: Which I feel like is more of an american influence than anything else.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Or to our american audience, soccer. Even though that's not what it should be called anyway.
Laura: Um.
Ryan: Football. Yeah. I think they understand. They understand my prejudice, but.
Laura: Yeah. Justine, as Jake, plays basketball with the boys and they don't want Chaz on their team. Just because they're mean.
Ryan: Because he's a geek.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah. He's a geeky boy. He doesn't know sports.
Laura: But they also make fun of Jake for being. What? Playing like a girl, etcetera.
Ryan: Kind of. Yeah. He's a little bit flouncy on the field. Yeah. Which does make sense. It is meant to be Justine in a man's body. Um.
Laura: They all head to the locker room. I don't know where they're playing to where there's a locker room nearby.
00:40:00
Laura: Because it doesn't look like they're playing basketball at school. It looks like they're playing basketball just wherever. But it's okay.
Ryan: Ah. Like a club or something. It feels very. It feels like a very remote location. To weirdly have a kind of very pristine looking. Kind of like that, to me, is like a very standard, like. Like football locker room. I've seen plenty of those.
Laura: They head to the locker room and all the men are already naked. I assume they all walks there together, but they are all naked and they are doing a all the things. I'm just gonna assume. This is how men act in a locker room, right? You're slapping each other with towels, and you're rubbing towels in between your legs, and you're slapping your penis around. And, I mean, certainly that's normal, right?
Ryan: Yeah, certainly. Like, when I get into the locker room, usually the first thing I do is I grab the nearest person that's still wearing their underwear, and I lift them off the ground by a wedgie. That's like tearing into their arse. Cracked.
Laura: And you're making fun of wiener sizes, and you're just causing a ruckus.
Ryan: Yeah, we're just, you know, we're just like. We're just a bunch of lads, you know, like, living in the moment.
Laura: Because when Jake opens the door, it's butts. That's all that we can see. It's just a bunch of butts. And a few of them are doing a buffalo bill.
Ryan: Yeah, I noticed that.
Laura: Uh, yeah, they've got tucked in.
Ryan: Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. Yeah.
Laura: But without the quote, just. They're just doing a hard tuck.
Ryan: Yeah, no goodbye horses or anything. Yeah, it's kind of. Yeah, it's. It's. Yeah, it's weird that that's happened. But the thing is, is like, the thing I like about this, these sequences in the locker room is how brazen they are. Because we didn't expect this. No, I don't think anyone expects the.
Laura: Sheer amount of penises. Also, the fact that they are doing a funny joke. Big, large red x over the penises, but always just too late with a sound of, like, an uncorking every time they pop an x over a penis.
Ryan: Kinda. I was like, I didn't know if the. The censorship. I knew it was a joke, but I didn't know if the censorship itself was perfectly motivated for the moment. You know what I mean?
Laura: It was strange, but it was weird. It was really funny. So it didn't bother me because it's just funny that they kept covering them up too late. Um, and I just thought it was genius.
Ryan: Cause to me, I felt like. Cause jackass does it. And there's a scene, there's a slow mo shot. I think it's in jackass three, right?
Laura: Mhm.
Ryan: Where Pontius is like, hitting a. Hitting, like a ping pong ball ways dick, but, like, it's black barred, but the black bar doesn't follow him. And it kind of just, like, loses its way and then. Yeah. So that, to me, like, I understood that, but for this, it's slightly. It's slightly different. And I don't know if it's maybe, like, forced on by the censors and the directors, just like, well, fuck it. We'll just do this because this will be funny, because to me, it doesn't feel motivated in the scene whatsoever.
Laura: The x's?
Ryan: Yeah, kinda.
Laura: Okay. Okay. I still think it's funny. I don't think that it would have. I don't think it necessarily would have added or subtracted whether or not they were there. I don't think it matters too much.
Ryan: No.
Laura: I think if they were just penises, I think that it would still just be as wild as it is.
Ryan: It's very rambunctious. Like, it's just kind of. Yeah, it's every. It's. It's every kid's nightmare in a locked room situation.
Laura: Girl's body swapping dream.
Ryan: Kinda. Yeah.
Laura: If I was in a man's body and I got to walk into something like that, yeah, I'd be in 7th heaven. I'd love it.
Ryan: But supposedly Chaz doesn't get. Doesn't get naked because he's got a little weenie.
Laura: Well, according to Alex, he's just mean.
Ryan: He is pretty mean. But he's. He's brought women to the brink of ecstasy, like, countless times. Uh, you know how, like, Alix spends more of his time with his clothes off than he does with them on? Like, they're always, like, half hanging off. Or he's like. He's like. We enter a scene where his trousers are, like, unbuttoned, and he's, like, talking about, like, how he shagged this last and all this sort of thing, and it's just like, just pull your trousers up, dude. Like. Like, stop doing that. Like. Like, button them up. Like nobody wants to see it.
Laura: When Jake tries to walk by Alex, he menacingly shakes his dick at him.
00:45:00
Laura: Shaking it at him.
Ryan: Laura, it's not weird. It's just blokes, you know? It's just blokes.
Laura: Scary.
Ryan: It is kind of scary. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I don't know. Like, that sort of thing. Yeah. Well, that just reminds me of, like, um, uh, me, myself and Irene, that bit.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: He's like, footlongs. Get your foot longs. He's, like, in the. In the park, you know, like, with his penis out.
Laura: I, um, think that this, uh, is a scene that maybe can go down as a very prominent, fabulous and hilarious dick scene in my book. Top tier dick scene for me.
Ryan: Um, okay.
Laura: Just for sheer amount, in one room and how wild it is and how funny and, uh, just perfect for the situation. You know, you got a woman in a man's body walking in a locker room, and all she wants to see is wieners, and they're just swaying him about. It's her dream. Her dream scenario.
Ryan: Yeah. I think for me, a penis scene is only worth watching if it has a distinct amount of self loathing.
Laura: Oh, my God.
Ryan: Like, you know, like, bad lieutenant. But, yeah, with this, like, um, every.
Laura: Time you see a penis, you also.
Ryan: Want to see tears pretty much. And whining, like, whimpering. Yeah, that's all I want to see. Yeah, I think. Yeah, no, I do. I think, like, in the. Because this isn't the only. This isn't the only locker room scene, because it's, like. It's very tropey. Like, when you get into the locker room, like, I'm. I am expecting to see a dick at some point because I think the same thing happens in, like, challengers as well. Right. And also, it's in a. It's in can't stop the music. That's where we see that. That's where we see the kind of dicks in that movie as well, because they're. Even though they're blurred out, you can't really see them when you freeze it. You know they're there because you can see that shit moving around.
Laura: Gosh, there's. There's actually quite a few now that.
Ryan: Oh, there's a bunch that we've covered that are in locker rooms.
Laura: Yeah. So many m. I never even thought about it until now.
Ryan: I know there's a bunch. And I half expect us to see a cock if I don't see a cock in a locker room because, like, you see boobies in this movie as well. Boobies, you know.
Laura: Yes, you do.
Ryan: You do see boobies.
Laura: Um, but barely. You see the ratio is very tilted towards the man, which I'm appreciative of.
Ryan: Yeah. Which is fine, you know? Yeah. I mean, there's some. There's some decent looking ladies in this movie. They're all very much styled in the. In the ways of the nineties. Into the noise, though.
Laura: Butterfly clips and all.
Ryan: Pretty much platform shoes. Pretty much.
Laura: Yeah. So after that moment. Okay, I guess we can wrap up the penis scene. The other one is the same. The other one, uh, happens at 53 minutes and 42 seconds. It's a quick. Back in the locker room, Alex is grabbing his junk. And that's pretty much, well, that's where.
Ryan: The, that's where the, that's where the wedgie is as well, in that bet.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: They're just lifting that poor guy off the ground. It's just utter carnage. Like, it just, it looks like a literal fucking night.
Laura: He's so scared to go in there for sure.
Ryan: Oh, no, I'd hate it. I'd hate it. Absolutely hate it.
Laura: Yeah. Then in the timeline of the story, this is where you find out that we don't necessarily have a body swapping situation. We have a split human personality into two bodies, I guess, that are just intrinsically linked as well. They know they have the same dreams, they know what each other is thinking, and they feel each other's pain. Wild.
Ryan: Yeah, it's kind of, here's the thing. If it wasn't wild and kind of like, barmy, like kind of crazy, it would be unintelligible, and you'd be rolling your eyes thinking, that's like the dumbest shit I've ever seen.
Laura: M the accident forces, it forced her to inhabit the body of her VR generated ideal man, while I simultaneously remaining in her own body and developing a crush on her male self. Weird and wonderful.
Ryan: Yes. It's very odd, certainly, when. Cause in, like, you know, in big, like, you know, he goes big, basically, he turns into Tom Hanks, right?
Laura: And he will always turn into Tom Hanks.
Ryan: And he'll always turn into Tom Hanks. And the thing is, is like that child is missing. He is missing from his parents lives. And they're like, we have no idea where our son is. And Tom Hanks is just inhabiting his adult
00:50:00
Ryan: life. Fairly, yeah, but with this, it's like, I expected the same thing, because that's what it felt like.
Laura: He goes to his house and he goes, well, I don't want to worry my parents, and I don't know what to say exactly, but there is nothing to say because it's no, that, no.
Ryan: It'S, it's kind of, it's a little bit, it's a little bit mind bendy, but like I said, like, I think if you think a little bit too much about it, it does maybe get a little bit unintelligible. And you're kind of. Just a little bit like, well, that's just kind of, that's like, it's so stupid. You kind of, you start to dislike it a little bit. And I don't want to go that.
Laura: Far with this, but before we. Okay, I do want to talk about this. Before we wrap this up. But, you know, they end up meeting, um. You know, she's trying to sleep with herself and it's just not working, obviously, because she, uh. Anyway, they end up having the conversation. You figure it out. There's a whole subplot of the people who made the narcissist machine, who were trying to get Jake to study him, to figure out how it even happened.
Ryan: This is the one point in the movie where I'm just like, this is. This is probably retarded.
Laura: I don't care about it. I didn't write anything down about this subplot. They mean nothing to me. But when it comes to.
Ryan: Hold on, he does that. That guy also gives us the line of, um, you're ugly as shit, but you're a genius to like his compatriot.
Laura: Yes, he is. Horrible person. And so is she, to be fair. They're both really.
Ryan: Yeah. She's very smart. Um, I wouldn't say she was ugly either.
Laura: No, she's not.
Ryan: Yeah, but like, yeah, there's this guy.
Laura: Just wants a machine to make big tits. That's what he wants.
Ryan: They put a fucking, like a, uh, uh, transistor, uh, on his. On his cock and fucking shock him.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Through his penis. It's all sorts of. Yeah, it's all sorts of hostile stuff going on in this.
Laura: Very weird. But I do want to talk about the end because you. You wonder, what's the resolution here? These people are linked mentally, physically, but, uh, they're also the same person. And so I wondered, how is this going to get resolved? And how it got resolved, I thought was completely unnecessary. And.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: But then I start thinking, oh, well, how does he get, uh, you know, he doesn't have an id. He doesn't have a birth certificate, so how can he continue on? But they delete him.
Ryan: They do. Yeah.
Laura: Uh, don't like that.
Ryan: There's a lot of questions around, I guess, that. Let's just call them the scientists. Right? The purple scientists.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Where they have. No, they're trying. They're testing on him to figure out, like, well, one, his longevity. Two, his connections to how, you know, to just. To Justine, basically. Um, and certainly, like, I guess, like, the stability of this part because, like, what is it? Uh. Like, is it. Is it just. It's a soul being inhabited into a. Into a kind of, like, electric, like, alter ego, like, alter reality, like, vessel that's now moving around with the thoughts and feelings of this real person that it's inhabiting. And it's, to me, like, uh, it beggars like an awful lot of. Of questions. And. I mean, you say you don't like the bit where they delete them.
Laura: No, I don't, because it's sad. And I don't know why she's not missing anything. She's still a whole person, and he is as well. And they have different experiences. They might be having the same dreams, but they're different. You know, they're becoming different. So why shake? Live?
Ryan: No, but Jake is just. Jake is the. The self aware part of her personality, the mature, the maturing element of her personality that she adopts after he's gone.
Laura: Okay.
Ryan: So I kind of take it on board as if he is a very physical thing, not like Tyler Durden or anything, but he's a very physical thing that is a representation of how she is going to physically move on and mature as a woman going forward, so that she can see clearly. Because she has our blinders on. She has her virgin blinders. And she's just obsessed with just getting it done, doing this, when obviously the perfect man was already in her, uh, uh. Was already in her periphery, I guess.
Laura: I think that would have happened regardless,
00:55:00
Laura: potentially, but I. What happens to Jake? Is he job? Is he the lawnmower man? Does he go back into the Internet? Does he become the Internet? What happens to Jake?
Ryan: No, he just becomes nothing.
Laura: Jake, that is horrible.
Ryan: It's not cruel. Well, it's because he wasn't anything to begin with.
Laura: He was.
Ryan: He was just a vessel.
Laura: No, uh, he was just. He had real experiences. He was a physical boners. He was real.
Ryan: I think he was just. He was just.
Laura: Those are real.
Ryan: He was just a vessel for the emotional, uh, climax of this movie.
Laura: I think they could have coexisted and been friends, and they could have taught each other a thing or two.
Ryan: They could have. I just.
Laura: I think they're basically siblings.
Ryan: I mean, I'm just reciting the same shit over and over again.
Laura: I just don't like it, that's all.
Ryan: I. I know you don't like it.
Laura: Makes me sad. I was sad. Well, I didn't cry.
Ryan: Yeah, well, I wasn't fucking sad.
Laura: It was sad when they pushed the button and she takes off the VR headset and he's fucking gone. Just did a murder.
Ryan: You know what's sad?
Laura: They did a murder also. They also murdered the purple scientist guy.
Ryan: In what way?
Laura: They ran him over with the truck and it went.
Ryan: Oh, fuck. You heard him squish. Yeah, it's fucking.
Laura: They murdered multiple people.
Ryan: Yeah, they did. Yeah. She goes on. Yeah. When they're driving. That, uh.
Laura: Property damage.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: That murder.
Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot of liberties taken, I think, with the movie. I think. I think if you think about it too hard, I don't know why I'm defending it. If you're thinking about it too hard, then. Then I think you've. You've. You've overshot your boundaries.
Laura: I think Justine is a villain, and she shouldn't have deleted him.
Ryan: Um, okay, well, maybe. Maybe, like, maybe you should go read the book like I did with blue is the warmest color. Go read the book.
Laura: I'm gonna read that young adult.
Ryan: Get yourself informed and just, you know, then maybe that'll. Maybe that'll fill in some of the gaps to me. I'll just close the book on this film. I'm never gonna watch it again. It was just what it was.
Laura: Okay. I did want to bring up the fact that that band that's randomly around reminded me of Jonathan Richmond from. There's something about Mary.
Ryan: Uh-huh.
Laura: Just always around singing songs.
Ryan: Not as good, though.
Laura: No, no, no. Because I think Jonathan Richman sang some songs that, uh, continued the story, you know, moved the story forward.
Ryan: Yes.
Laura: These people were just singing songs.
Ryan: They're just singing and they're there. They're just kind of. They're props. They're, like, entertaining, moving, musical, uh, props.
Laura: They could have done more.
Ryan: They could have. And they do use them. I just don't think they're utilized particularly well, because when did. When did there something about Mary come out? Is that like 97 or something?
Laura: 98.
Ryan: 98 the year before, yeah. Uh, I mean, that's probably where they got the idea for this. It's just not done as well.
Laura: This film made $74,000 at the box office.
Ryan: Ooh, that doesn't sound good.
Laura: It was fighting up against the Matrix, the mummy, and funnily enough, ten things I hate about you. Ooh. And the same company that, like, the same company put out ten things I hate about you. Put it up against virtual sexuality.
Ryan: Of course they did, because they were like, it has to go up. It has to go somewhere. So it's a shame they set it up for failure. They did, because it wasn't as good.
Laura: But I think that they were wrong. I think this film is very interesting. A lot has a lot more than I was expecting. Okay, maybe I'm gonna back it up.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Do you have anything else to say before we go into our ratings?
Ryan: No. No, I don't. I don't think so. I think I said everything that I wanted to say.
Laura: Well, um, I'm just gonna go ahead and go first because I was already going on a rant, so I gave the visibility and context a four and a half.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: Shit, it could go to a five even if I wanted to, but it's. There's so much of it, and it's so pertinent to the film, considering how much she wants to see penises and how horned up she is. And I don't even know what else I have to say. It's hilarious. I think it works for the film and I enjoyed it, and I thought that the little x's were funny.
Ryan: Yeah, I mean, I'd probably go with a four because they do censor them, even if they are funny. So you can't go full marks for visibility anyway. So I think you can.
Laura: You see plenty.
Ryan: You see more than you would in.
Laura: Some of the other things that we've covered.
Ryan: But I still think, even if there's a level of censorship, which I still don't know how motivated it is in the scene either, um, I'd
01:00:00
Ryan: probably only go so far as to say a four. But in the pantheon of locker room scenes, it is certainly one of. Well, is it? Yeah, it's almost one of the scariest to me. Like, it's scarier than eastern promises in the bath, like, where he fights people and stuff like that, and his dick's exposed to knives and things.
Laura: Teenagers are scary.
Ryan: Kids are scary. They very much are. Like, that is a terrifying scenario. And I would much rather just walk home sweaty than.
Laura: Oh, yeah.
Ryan: Like, yeah, yeah, there's a lot. There's some questions there in the context. That's why it gets a four. But I do like it when it just cuts to someone being, you know, raised off the ground by their underpants and it just looks like. It just. Yeah, it just looks like it is tearing their nether regions.
Laura: Apartheid, probably. It.
Ryan: Yeah, because it's. It's just. It's disgusting. And, um. But, yeah, listen, what about the film? What did you give the film?
Laura: I gave the film a three and a half because it's not that good. It's not really a good movie, but it sure is.
Ryan: Watching sure isn't good.
Laura: No, I can admit that. But that doesn't mean I don't like it. I rated Lawnmower man a, uh, one. I love that movie. I absolutely love it.
Ryan: And why did you rate it a one?
Laura: I don't know.
Ryan: It's not a one.
Laura: It's bad. But I love it.
Ryan: Yeah. It's like bad jokes.
Laura: War is also really bad.
Ryan: But I love that movie. Yeah, well, Lawnmower man two's got roller skates in it. That's a vision of the future I'm, uh, into.
Laura: I mean, maybe I need. Let's watch Lawnmower man again right away. That's fine. I'll. I'll fix it. But anyway, I gave it a three and a half because it's. It made me laugh. It surprised me a lot. And the. The sheer variety and frequency of penises was a true delight. And I. It's 92 minutes. That's beautiful. Can't fault it. No notes.
Ryan: Melanin. Yeah.
Laura: Zero notes.
Ryan: Hold on.
Laura: No notes.
Ryan: No. Well, I gave it. I gave it three because I do think it's slightly better than average, but it's because I'm giving it a lot of, like, leeway because it's. It's stupid. It's stupid? Dumb. Like young adult garbage.
Laura: Hell, yeah.
Ryan: Like, it's. It's like. It's dumb. And I like the fact that, like, it starts off dumb. It continues being dumb. And it's also just. It just ends up being dumb. It's a dumb thing. It's got some really dumb stuff in it, and there's some funny things in it. It's very british, and it kind of has a very, kind of british sensibility about it and. Yeah, like, I mean, I think that's perfectly fine for a film of this ilk if this film wasn't, like, at least funny. Because, like, scrap all the stuff about it being, like, interesting and twisty turney and stuff like that, I'm like, I don't really give a fuck about any of that stuff. It's just, as long as the stupidity just, like, elevates it slightly, I'm totally all for it. Uh, I mean, you have a good time. Like, I mean, that's one of the reasons why I like Michael Bay so much. It's not because these films are good. No. Most of them are fucking terrible, but at the same time, they're fucking stupid and they're fun. Yeah. Ambulances fun. Bad boys, too. Is. Well, I mean, yeah, that's why I like Armageddon and stuff so much. The rock, like, actually. Hold on. The rock's actually probably a good movie.
Laura: That is a good movie.
Ryan: Yeah, it's a good movie. He has actually made some good movies. But the thing is, is like, they're. They're in a bubble of stupidity and you just kind of have to run with it.
Laura: That new bad boys movie is incredible. That's coming just from me.
Ryan: I don't agree.
Laura: Yeah. Loved it. Anyway.
Ryan: It's fine. Yeah, it's no bad boys. Too. Bad boys.
Laura: He didn't direct that movie.
Ryan: No, he didn't. No. He's got a hand. And it's the same guys who did the one before, which was bad boys for life, I think it was. But no, like. Like, bad boys two is like that weird, happy accident where it's just like, fucking hell. This is amazing. And, uh, you have no understanding why. It's just, like, fucking hell. This is amazing. And it's also stupid. So, like, for me, like, it just. It falls under the bracket of just, like, I'll never watch it again. I would highly recommend that someone watches it for 90 minutes because it's just a stupid, dumb time, you know? Don't get too. Yeah. Don't get too involved in the science and the logic of it, because it has none. Yeah. Just have yourself a gay, old, stupid time.
Laura: Absolutely. I agree with you. This is the kind of movie you find on Tubi. And it is on Tubi.
Ryan: Yeah. It's the same platform where you'll find that one where Trump comes back as a chinese clone and fights aliens.
Laura: To be is an amazing place.
Ryan: The wild west of
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Ryan: streaming platforms.
Laura: Absolutely.
Ryan: And it's completely free.
Laura: Yeah. So to be our sponsor, anyway. Uh, cool.
Ryan: I would say that money.
Laura: Oh, my gosh.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: I fucking would do it for free.
Ryan: I'll take any money, actually.
Laura: Yeah. Well, thank you, guys, for listening to our virtual sexuality episode. And I make sure if you're not following us on social media, do it. It's on the beat. Bitte. And it's the same everywhere because that's our name. And write us a review, please, because it helps and it's nice.
Ryan: It does help.
Laura: We like compliments.
Ryan: Mm hmm.
Laura: And m. We like to hear nice things. And coming to you from the scary, penis filled locker room next to a basketball court, I've been Laura.
Ryan: All right, cock it.
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