The finale of this year's Spooky Penis Month is a grand one: we're uncovering WAROCK: THE ARMAGEDDON. An instant classic.
The coming of the Eclipse marks the end of our "Spooky Penis Season" but as the runes need collected, the druids gather the sparkly Disney juice, and a Sands is born. Yeah, that's right! We're covering one of the late Julian Sands seminal roles as the eponymous WARLOCK! As a trilogy of films, Julian Sands plays the WARLOCK in the first two movies, alongside Richard E. Grant in the original Steve Miner film and Chris Young in the Anthony Hickox sequel. This is the film that we're uncovering this time, in WARLOCK: THE ARMAGEDDON! And we brought a friend, Tighe, ready to speak over "the rudest that ever troubled daylight!" in the most congratulatory and nostalgic episode in a long while. It's a shame that not only is Julian no longer with us but within this month, Anthony, the Director, is sadly no longer with us. Rest in Peace Kings!
Ryan: Should we do the, uh, you have to talking to the mic. Otherwise it doesn't work.
Laura: Well, hello there. Welcome to On the BiTTE, the podcast that uncovers full frontal male nudity in cinema. We are sadly on our last episode of Spooky Penis Month. But I am so happy to be here with my co host, Ryan hello. And our special guest, Tighe.
Tighe: Hey. Still the man about town.
Laura: Um, that's true. That's true. I appreciate so much that you texted me on a regular basis making sure that you were going to be on this episode.
Tighe: Yeah, I felt like I bothered you a little. But I have to talk about Warlock too, when given a chance.
Laura: Speaking of Warlock. We're talking about Warlock the armageddon.
Ryan: Oh, Jesus.
Laura: The, uh, 1993 supernatural horror film.
Ryan: It was a terrible segue. That was awful. That was horrific.
Laura: Keep it in.
Ryan: Uh, well, no, I will.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: Thank you.
Ryan: We haven't got another option.
Laura: Warlock. The armageddon.
Ryan: Yes.
Laura: Here we are.
Ryan: In short.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: We will be calling it Warlock too, though. I'm not saying the Armageddon every single time.
Laura: Well, it's just warlock. Could be just warlock.
Ryan: But there's already a film called Warlock.
Laura: Oh, I know.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: Call it the deuce. Let's just say warlock too.
Ryan: There was like hotshots part do. Yeah.
Laura: If there was a penis in Warlock, then I would be able to talk about Richard E. Grant for 1000 hours.
Tighe: That's a whole spin off.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Ah, the Richard E. Grant podcast.
Ryan: Redfern. Fucking love redfern.
Laura: Love Redfern.
Ryan: Redfern.
Laura: Uh, that is what this movie is missing. Even though this movie is basically perfect, it's missing Redfern.
Tighe: Yeah, 100%.
Laura: Miss him a lot.
Laura: Uh, and I also miss speaking of Julian Sands rip again, talk about Julian Sands so much. I feel like we're creating this hub of Julian Sands fan. Julian Sands fans in Orlando.
Ryan: Yeah, it's kind of like, uh, weird Effigy to Julian Sands. I think it's the Effigy he did not expect, nor his family. They would just stumble upon this podcast and they would hear all of the Sands magic that we spout every week.
Tighe: I mean, I would put hard money that if you just gathered up a hundred random people, and especially if you showed them like, a picture, they would be like, oh, yeah, that guy. I would say he falls in that narrow window of distinguished British actor who's also like, character actor without being just like, gruff British guy. I think he's semi ubiquitous in the limited sexy British thespian.
Laura: Yeah, I love hearing people. When I was watching through the special features on our collector's edition Blu ray set, uh, of Warlock, everyone talking about how sexy Julian Sands is. And I never really thought about it, even though my first introduction to him was really through Room with a View. And he is the sexy guy, the love interest in that film. So, I don't know, he pops up.
Ryan: Also in films that you don't expect him to he's in Oceans Eleven for about 5 minutes.
Tighe: Yes, he does. Yeah.
Ryan: He's the inventor of the supercomputer, um oh, no. It's Oceans. Is it Oceans?
Tighe: That was 13.
Ryan: It's oceans 13. The Al Pacino one, where it's just like, whoa, I need a big computer. And Julian Sands provides them with said computer. Of course he does.
Tighe: Yeah. That's an industry slang for Julian Sands.
Ryan: Pretty much big computer. I mean, or if you refer to him as the Warlock. He's, uh, the rudest that ever troubled daylight, as they said in that first movie.
Laura: You said you liked Richard E. Grant's accent as well.
Ryan: I did.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: I didn't really have too many problems with it. I did think, though, that maybe he could have been more Scottish. Like he could have referred to the Warlock as one bad bastard.
Laura: Yeah. But he's too with God, like too Christian.
Ryan: He's really rolling his r's in that first movie he, uh, does.
Tighe: And he says it somewhere, I think a special feature of the comment. It must have been a special feature.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: He says, like, I think I'm going to go with a bit of brogue on this.
Ryan: Of yeah, he really rules. Yeah. He's all over the place with think I think it's pretty mean for what it is. I mean, Sean Connery was considered for the role. And I feel like that's too much.
Laura: Maybe that's why it's like an, uh.
Tighe: Potentially potentially worthy I heard they went they wanted him. They'd both seen the producer and director had both seen with Nail and I. And they loved him already. And they were like, we got to get that guy. So they convinced the studio to fly him out and do like three or four days of casting in London. And they knew they were going to basically cast him. But they were like, all right, well, we just got to see a bunch of other people while we're there to do the due diligence. And one of those people, they happen to see Julian Sands. So in their, like, going through the motions to get Richard E. Grant, they discovered Julian Sands.
Laura: What a fucking he is.
Ryan: He is one of those absolutely is.
Laura: Another one of those guys that pops up and I scream Julian. Like when Brad Durif shows up.
Tighe: Yep.
Laura: Every time Brad shows up, I'm like, it's Brad.
Tighe: I mean, he strikes me the ways people speak about him, that he is like a joy to work with. Like whatever you're doing. Like the quality of the film, whatever you're doing. People speak of him so highly. He's like the kind of guy that you could call and be like, hey, you want to show up for two days and be an Oceans 13? He'd be like, delighted. He seems like just like an affable guy that's like, yeah, if I'm not doing anything, let's hang out. What do you mean? To be big computer?
Ryan: Great.
Tighe: I'm big computer.
Laura: I heard he was quite method. I know the director said it. And I think Paula Marshall, who plays Samantha in this film in Warlock, the Armageddon said, yeah, he wasn't a ton of fun when we were shooting just because he was very much in character. I'm like very much in the Warlock character.
Ryan: He's playing a bad dude playing a bad man.
Laura: Everyone said, he's so lovely. He's so lovely.
Laura: Um, speaking of people being lovely, also, Chris Young is in this film. And he is a picture of the 1990s with the 1990s hair. And he has such a familiar face. And of course, I had to research. And I'm like, oh, he was in the Max Headroom series when that was on TV. So he was like the boy genius from that show. And I think he's great.
Ryan: Well, this is now a proper time in which you can bring up Max Headroom without it feeling like it's been shoehorned in.
Ryan: You did it. Yeah.
Laura: Thank you.
Ryan: There you go. You only had to wait a wee bit. That's all you had.
Tighe: You did it. You got there.
Laura: I finally got there. I got to talk about it.
Ryan: If I could go a night without hearing Max Headroom, honestly.
Tighe: But you know what I love him from is the Great Outdoors. He's the older brother in the great outdoors. That John Candy movie, which I love. Absolutely love. And yeah, he's the older brother in it. And he's like, it's only a couple of years difference. And he's just like he's still that 90s kid.
Laura: Hell, yeah. That movie is great.
Tighe: Yeah, movie is excellent.
Laura: So this film was directed by I'm so sad. Everyone's dead. R-I-P. Anthony. Hickok. Hickox, Anthony. Hickox.
Ryan: Anthony Hitchcock.
Laura: It looks harder to say than a don't poison her. Yeah, it's not that hard to say, but it looks difficult.
Ryan: I think it's hickox, Anthony. Hickox.
Laura: Yeah, so, um, I have some notes about Anthony, but I'm not going to step on Rydog's toes.
Ryan: Um oh, please don't.
Laura: Yeah, you know what? Actually, let me just throw out the synopsis in the tagline and then I'll hand it back over to you to tell us about Tony.
Tighe: Great.
Laura: Okay. Every 600 years, a great evil has the opportunity to escape and unleash Armageddon. A group of five stones has the power to either free the evil or banish it for another 600 years. An order of druids battles with a warlock determined to unleash his father upon the world. This thing says five stones, but there are six. That was from Letterboxd, and I did not mistype that.
Ryan: And they were called the Druid.
Tighe: Find five more. You know what I mean? Like, maybe that was the confusion, whoever was writing it. Yes, it is six stones. He just starts with one because it's the one he's born with.
Laura: Uh, the tagline is, when he comes, all hell breaks loose.
Ryan: Holy shit. Fuck yeah.
Laura: Freaking sheep. Okay.
Ryan: Why don't you give your son a kiss? There it is. Uh oh, my god.
Laura: I love this movie. Okay.
Laura: Tell us about Anthony.
Ryan: So. Anthony. Hickox. Um, English film director, producer, actor, and screenwriter. And as we mentioned, he died this October in 2023. I think it's like maybe about a week ago, if that.
Laura: It is exactly one week ago today, as of the recording of this episode, october 9.
Ryan: Um, I will say, though, he's got a relatively quite distinguished career. There'll be plenty of things in here that we'll have seen. And I'll kind of note some here. So wax work from 1988. Sundown, uh, the vampire and retreat from 1989. Uh, obviously waxwork. Two lost in time in 1992. Hellraiser three. Hell on Earth from 1992. Um, which is probably one of the only I think the only other good sequel. I think there's only three good sequels to the Hellraiser franchise because I did a sit down and watched all of them.
Tighe: Bless your heart.
Ryan: And they're fucking horrific.
Laura: Some of them are a nap time with all of the rest of those Hellraiser movies.
Tighe: So hard I knew it. There's no way you I was just like, how does she legitimately watch all of these?
Laura: He woke up from his nap and then rewound it.
Tighe: I haven't done a watch in like, I'm going to say ten years or whatever. But I remember being like, wow, I thought a lot of these held up a lot more. They're not garbage. It's just like they're a lesser version of the one before it. And it's just that keeps going down.
Ryan: The very modern ones are awful. It's a very good example of how you take a really good, interesting franchise with a massive backstory and completely fluff it, like, completely fuck it up. But I do like Hellraiser Three because it has the guy that shoots, uh, audio CDs out of his head. And also there's the cameraman cenobite as well. Oh, yeah, there is that stuff. There is the good one that comes after that. That I think that's the one that's also set in like three different time zones, and one of them's in space. And whenever you take horror to space, I think that's always a good one.
Laura: The one that has Adam Scott in it.
Ryan: Yes, I think it is. Yeah, that's the one.
Tighe: Pretty sure.
Ryan: I do like that one. The, uh, other ones, I can't really recommend.
Tighe: It'S.
Ryan: Hard yeah, they're not good.
Tighe: Diminishing returns is the definition of diminishing returns.
Ryan: But 92 is a good year for him. So is 93. Because then we have, uh, Full Eclipse, and then we have, obviously, Warlocked Armageddon. Um, after that, kind of few notable exceptions. You have Payback in 95, invasion of Privacy in 96. Uh, prince Valiant in 97, StormCatcher in 99. Jill Rips in 2000. Contaminated man in 2000. Last run. 2001 It goes on for quite a while up until about like 2019, which is kind of when he made his last film. And the only one to kind of note is a, uh, Steven Segal movie called Submerged in 2005. Um, but yeah, I guess we kind of go into the story of Tony. Um, but yeah, obviously there's two separate people in the Warlock, um, universe who played the Warlock, obviously Julian Sands, who made it his own. And then after that, in Three, we had Bruce Payne, who played, uh, the warlock. But then we talk about the original. The original was directed by Steve Minor. And Steve Minor's got, again, a relatively quite distinguished career. He directed final, ah, Friday the 13th Part Two and three. He also did Halloween H 20. Um, the personal favorite of mine, Lake Placid.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Which is a really good one.
Laura: The last time I watched Lake Placid was a really long time ago, probably 20 years ago, and I was on mushrooms.
Ryan: I loved watching that movie because it is so short. It's only like it's 78 minutes or something.
Laura: It's so good.
Ryan: Um, and it's just a good monster movie. Um, and unfortunately for Warlock Three, which I can't even remember its subtitle, what is it? It's like Children of the Damned or something. Whatever the fuck it's called.
Tighe: It's children of something.
Ryan: Children of Innocence or whatever. Cradle of innocence. I'll look anyway, that was directed by, uh, Eric Fraser and he didn't really do anything else.
Laura: The end of Innocence.
Tighe: That was returned to Innocence. That 90s.
Ryan: Uh, then there's that scorsese picture, Age of Innocence, which is different.
Ryan: Mhm.
Ryan: I don't know.
Laura: This one looks great. And it's also on that Blu ray set.
Tighe: I'm going to watch it. You mean you're going to sleep through half?
Ryan: It doesn't look good. So I don't know.
Ryan: I watched Warlock for the first time all the way through today because I'd only ever seen it in parts.
Tighe: The first one, yes.
Ryan: What? Yeah, it was one. But that's just something I was also surprised.
Laura: I think it's just because I tend to put on things when he's at work.
Tighe: Ah.
Laura: I tell him all about it after.
Ryan: It was a weird one because I used to watch kind of weird, strange things. I had friends in college who, huh, had kind of slightly varied tastes in film. And that's how I got to see Krull all the way through. I got to see Willow all the way through, and I got to see Meet the Feebles all the way through. Um, but then obviously, uh, with Warlock, I've only kind of seen it in parts. Um, it's hard to tell which one is my favorite. I do think Warlock and Warlock Two kind of sit side by side relatively quite well. I might like Warlock Two a little bit more just because it's a little sillier.
Laura: We're going to find out.
Ryan: But then there's no red fern in the second one. That's the biggest ding, which is the really? Yeah, I really wanted, like, an ancient hero to turn up with a Scots accent and a salty whip like I really did, who used the weather vein as, like, a spear. But, uh, yes, it was a waste. But, uh, the only other thing I did like about the opening of Warlock is it starts with a cat getting put in a box.
Laura: In the OG Warlock.
Ryan: In the OG warlock. Yeah, it does. And then you find out things leave my brain.
Laura: Well, no, you find I'm left with.
Ryan: Feelings of it happens so fast. And it's like the beginning of the movie. But then you find out later that they're going to burn the Warlock. I think it's over a lie, like living cat.
Laura: That's like the only way to kill the Warlock in that particular film. Burn him over a box of kittens?
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: Jesus, it's monstrous.
Laura: There's some horrible shit.
Laura: Okay, I'm going to talk about when he flies later because I do want to bring up the fat of an unbaptized child. But I want to save it for later.
Ryan: The flying is one of the best and also probably one of the worst looking kind of effects in the entire movie. But I love it for how kind of silly it looks.
Tighe: Well, Steve Miner, just not to quote the behind the scenes, but he was like, two years later, we would have done the flying all different. He's like, the only thing when I watch the movie now that I absolutely hate is the flying. He's like, it's great for what it is. At the time, he's like, but it was on that cusp of being able to do that really easy digitally. So like a year and a half, two years after came out, it just looked crazy dated. But at the time, it was like, yeah, this is good. But then it just immediately was like, oh, shit.
Ryan: What do we do?
Laura: Would they have done what they ended up doing in Warlock, the Armageddon? Because it looks fucking insane in this one.
Ryan: Well, they kind of still perfect. I can't remember, uh, the Chinese directors, they'd made a bunch of, uh, martial arts movies, but they used a lot of wirework and stuff. Yes, I think it is Shaw Brothers. Um, they perfected the wirework to the point where it wouldn't be picked up on camera whatsoever. Which is also something I think in that original Warlock you don't see very much. There's a really good shot with the flying, which I think is great, where he does like a kind of reverse 180 and then he lands on his feet uh huh. In the graveyard. And I'm like, you know what? That's actually very effective. It's just the stuff that's obviously he's rotoscoped against the blue screen. And then they make it smaller as if he's going away from you, trying.
Tighe: To give like.
Ryan: This.
Ryan: And it's the same in the second film as well, where you're just like, oh, Jesus. It's ropey. But I also appreciate it because if it was too realistic, you'd be like.
Tighe: Well, I think of that movie as sort of like when you see really good stop motion. That was like the peak it ever got at guy flying done with wires in a cable, you know what I mean? Not martial arts, but like flying flying, like you said. Shortly after that, all that stuff just went digital. So it's like you're watching like a craft give its last hurrah.
Ryan: Yes, pretty much. Yeah. Which I think is a real shame, because there's obviously stuff in Warlock Two, quite specifically, where it's the advent of obviously 3D effects coming into film and stuff like that. I mean, Jurassic Park comes out this year, but it's nowhere near that. Um, they have trouble rendering a knife in this movie, effectively, which is a real shame.
Laura: No, it's not. It's perfect. Everything that flies the stones, the knives, the baseball.
Ryan: The baseball. I do like that final scene where it's like, no, it's your knife. No, it's your knife.
Tighe: No, it's your knife.
Ryan: Wrong way around. No, that's your knife. So, yeah, I do like that stuff because it's obviously played a little bit more for laughs.
Laura: But, uh, before we get away from it, I do want to talk about Anthony Hickox a little, just for a moment more, because he's from this film royalty family, which I didn't know about until today, but his father was Douglas Hickox, who directed Theater of Blood. Okay. Um, from 1973. The Vincent Price. Yes. Treasure. And his mom was Anne V. Coates, who uh, won an Oscar because she was the editor of Lawrence of Arabia.
Ryan: That's it.
Ryan: Wow.
Laura: She did a bunch of other things.
Ryan: Tons.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Okay.
Ryan: But I mean, very much sealing up. It's the uh, who, you know, um, that gets you into the industry.
Ryan: Absolutely.
Laura: So this film, although it is a sequel to OG, warlock is like it's almost like, uh, another story of Warlock. Like, what else could have been, because it's not even necessarily a sequel. Yeah. So it's like ah, not even a spiritual sequel. It's only a name. Is it a sequel even though you have the same main character kind of trying to do the same thing, but through different means?
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: I mean, they don't allude to the first movie in any way.
Ryan: That's what I think makes me say.
Tighe: That, like, he does come back from the dead, but I guess they don't even say that he's dead. He's just he's just born.
Laura: Yeah, because the original one starts off in like what, 1693 or something, like 1640 or something. Yeah. And then it's 600 years later.
Tighe: But then that doesn't no, it's like 300 years later.
Laura: 300 years. It's different on everything. Um, for this one, it's like they're talking about 600 years.
Ryan: Right.
Laura: And I'm like, but it's not been that long since the first one.
Ryan: They had to bring them back somehow. And pretty much they just bring in because there's not really druids or stones or any of this sort of stuff. In the original. The first one, um, and there's also, like there's a major lack of spell casting and stuff like that. In the second one, um, he kind of comes in fully suited up. In Warlock Two. He's already flying. He's already doing certain things. He has his flesh map.
Tighe: Well, at that point, he's fully supernatural. In the first one, he's just a guy. He is just a guy who got some power and you know what I mean? Like, he knows the spells and the tricks. The second one, he's just like fully a supernatural being.
Laura: The son of Satan in this?
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: He doesn't have to render fat or do this or that. He just does what he kind of wants.
Laura: Yeah. He have to gather the pages of the Grand Grimoire.
Tighe: Yes, exactly. He gather the six runes, which I think the rune thing happens every 500 or 600 years or whatever. But it wasn't always the warlocks who was trying to assemble them. I think it could have just been anyone.
Ryan: This creature from hell.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: This time it was just the warlock that got set.
Laura: Could have been Thanos in theory.
Ryan: Uh, either we it could have been Thanos. Thank you for bringing the Marvel universe into this bullshit.
Ryan: Here comes, um, we will say, well, the one thing I do like about this is that you see the druids in their time when we're at the druids at Stonehenge at the beginning of the movie. And then they are thwarted by the, let's just quote unquote evil forces. And then we jump forward, obviously 600 something years to the future druids who are all wearing tucked in kind of silky shirts. And they kind of go around with their mobile phone attachment to their belt and stuff. Uh, and they're wearing their Velour everything's. Like, nice druids. Future druids.
Laura: I was going to call them like Republican dad druids. That's what they look like.
Tighe: Yeah, but they vibed me as like liberal California dads. They're like reading books and hanging out. Reading books?
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: Uh, drinking a fuck ton of coffee and never sleeping. By the way, just real fast, do you notice how none of the druids ever sleep? You've never like it'll be like, oh, they just drink coffee at night. And then the morning will happen and the kid will be like, hey, I'm off to this. They're like, cool, we're going to work on this. They never go to bed.
Laura: Maybe that's a thing about the druids. Maybe they don't need to go to sleep.
Ryan: They might not. I mean, they do have spells and trinkets and things. Like they have that glittery sage, uh, drink that brings people back from the dead and heals their wounds.
Laura: Um, but Disney cocktail.
Ryan: The Disney cocktail. The Glittery Disney cocktail.
Laura: They're the only guys that do any magic fair point.
Ryan: The druids.
Laura: Yeah, they got that little pin with the black candle and the leaf that makes them up.
Ryan: Green blood. Yeah. I mean, I'm, um, not saying I didn't like them. I just thought it was very interesting. Certainly the main dude, the main druid who's known for playing like, the police chief in other things, I thought was, uh, his no nonsense druid odyssey that's going on, uh, I thought was pretty inspired.
Tighe: Yeah. Quick shout out to the casting people on this. All the druid people? No, for real. Those are some solid, older, middle aged character actor guys. Like working actors. But, uh, they're like, show me the best working actors who are 50 to 55 or whatever.
Ryan: Those were the dudes.
Tighe: And they're great.
Laura: You're like that guy?
Tighe: That guy. Holy shit, that guy. You know what I mean? When they're all druids.
Ryan: Well, I think I've brought this up before where I'm like, I don't know if we have that anymore. Like in the feel like that certain demographic is just not 100% not the same.
Tighe: The character actor to me today doesn't exist. I think they get celebrated up to a level of Nick Cage esoteric, sort of like weird pocket universe, you know what I mean? Or they just ride it out on series, but there's no sense of it's too easy to find out who anyone is in a movie. So there's no like, hey, that guy saw. Um, because it's so easy to find out who they are and then follow them on social media or whatever. So that mid tier working actor character actor thing is like a weird sort of disappearing thing.
Ryan: Yeah, it's like they're either too small that you don't recognize them, but they're also incredibly young, or they're so well known that they've just gotten older, so they're always going to be in that lead role regardless. Yeah, I feel like it's a lost talent pool that I'm kind of disappointed in.
Laura: I think most of those character actors that I can think of now are women. Mhm, like, that kind of age group of character actors is like Margot Martindale and Dowd. These are these in their maybe fifty s or I don't know if they're in their 60s, but these women that I'm like, they're in everything. I see them all the time, character actors, and they're amazing men. Uh, off the top of my head.
Tighe: I can't now, but you know, speaking of Matt Furina, who was great for like, a hot period of time, steve Berco.
Laura: Tell me more about Steve. Uh, I can't picture him in my.
Tighe: Mind'S eye, but you can. Like 98 to 2003, he was in everything. He was like, handsome, funny guy, you know what I mean? I wouldn't say indie darling, but like, low budget. Sort of like, oh my God. You're looking him up and you don't recognize him.
Laura: How do you spell his name?
Ryan: I recognize the name. I just want to be.
Tighe: I think it's B-I-E-R-K-O. What film is he in?
Laura: Look, hold on, I need this guy, okay?
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: He looks like he would be, like, in a Mountain Dew commercial.
Tighe: Oh, my God. Let's see what it lists him as. 13th floor. Okay. Long Kiss goodnight. Scary Movie four. He was in Cinderella Man.
Ryan: What?
Laura: How do you spell his name? Because now people that are listening to.
Tighe: It are B-I-E-R-K-O which I think is what I said.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Okay. Yeah.
Tighe: He wasn't Kane Leopold in the commercial. Sex in the City. Allie McBeal. I'm telling you. So for me, fear and Loathing, he's Lacerta. He's the photographer that's on their assignment when they're in the desert. Oh, right, yeah, I remember that. Um what's that one he did? He did a movie with the guy from Wings.
Ryan: Oh, it's Craig Burco.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: Isn't that what it's craig berko sorry. Right. Okay, hold on. Well, that one's on me.
Laura: Single white female.
Ryan: Oh, I see. What yeah, from know what you know what you're talking about.
Laura: Uh, Anthony Hickox said that this is a masterpiece, but then immediately after said, not one of my proudest moments, but it does have some fun stuff in it. A very self deprecating, uh, look into Warlock, the armageddon by the director, which is one of my favorite commentaries that we have available to us. It's a top tier commentary.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: At least he's able to kind of at least he's funny. At least he had saw the funny side of the stuff he was making with his filmography. As it is, I think he would have to have had a lot of fun with what he was.
Laura: Making. Yeah, it's pretty great. It's like, pretty much up there, uh, with the commentary. The John Bormann's commentary for.
Ryan: Uh, he was he's slightly more serious to the point where it's slightly nauseous.
Laura: Was it for, uh, Conan the Barbarian?
Ryan: Yeah, that's slightly different, though.
Laura: That's, like, also very great.
Tighe: Very, very fun. Oh, man.
Tighe: Speaking of, uh, Schwarzenegger. Oh, my.
Ryan: God.
Tighe: The commentary. Uh, that's him and Paul Verhoeven for my God. Get your mark. Total recall.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: It is just two men with very thick accents talking, and they're so excited, and they're just, like, yammering back and forth to each other, and there's thick accents and it's so cute.
Laura: That sounds like you're just like, oh.
Tighe: My God, this is so adorable. Those are two of my favorite boys. I'm surprised you haven't heard it yet. We have that it's so good.
Ryan: That four K. Yeah, it's on the 4K.
Tighe: Like, they're just kind of gassing each other up and it's like, it's very fun.
Ryan: Uh huh. Well, that's probably better than the well, I mean, the John Millius, like, Schwarzenegger commentary. I mean, Schwarzenegger is just reciting what he's watching.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: He's like, calling the play by play.
Ryan: And you're.
Tighe: Like, huh?
Ryan: With the, uh, axe.
Ryan: And then they. Do this.
Ryan: They get on the horse, and then John Millius is just like, the entire time.
Laura: So we were doing this thing.
Ryan: They're so cute.
Tighe: You know who's great on a commentary?
Laura: Robert England.
Tighe: Oh, I bet. I mean, he, uh, even says it once. I think it's even on Freddie versus Jason commentary that he's like in these dulcet tones you're listening to are me, Robert England. And it's just like, holy shit. It's like, is this a coffee commercial? You don't realize how smooth that man is when you're just listening and talking his real voice.
Laura: It's like, stop turning me on.
Tighe: I think he lived, or used to live in Claremont. He had an address in central Florida for many years.
Ryan: Adorable.
Laura: Yeah. Uh, adorable.
Laura: The first type of things that I started writing down for this film is right before the Dixie. So I don't know if anyone wants to talk about anything before the dick scene, but I pretty much am writing about the eclipse and her flippity dip onto the dining room table.
Tighe: The only thing that I would say in the opening is that two things. One one of those druids, I'm sure, is david Crosby. Watch that opening thing again. I am m sure that they were filming in riffith Park one night. David Crosby was just like, on 02:00 A.m. Walk, and he's like, hey, what are you guys doing? They're like, we're making Warlock Two. He's like, that's fun. Can I be in it?
Ryan: And they're like, sure.
Tighe: You're a Druid.
Ryan: David.
Tighe: And he's just in there. There's a guy that I swear to God, is David Crosby in that opening. But also, what are those weird linen opening credit things, like, in the way they place them in the the moment peak of the momentum of the action where you would never cut it stops, and it just arrests all momentum for a while.
Ryan: And I'm just like, what is this? It's like the beginning of, uh, Law and Order or something. Pre credit sequence.
Tighe: But the choices, the places in which they're making a dome feel very strange.
Laura: And like, yeah, I think the director said I keep bringing up the commentary. I think he said, oh, these horrible.
Tighe: Opening credits. Or maybe he just made a decision. He's like, yeah, that didn't work out.
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: I mean, I don't know if they're great, but I don't dislike it. Um, I do think that I don't know how much time it took. A bit. But the stills that they stop on are incredibly uninspired to be.
Tighe: That's what I mean. The choices they're making and where they.
Laura: Stop are just like one of the.
Ryan: Druids is the director extra.
Ryan: Oh, really?
Tighe: Oh, God.
Ryan: It can't be Crosby extra. Six on horse. Pause. Okay, right. Um clive, look a little bit more emotional. Clive one of the guys, when it freezes, and I don't know who it is, but it freezes, and it's like he is just intently concentrating on the fact that he does not want to fall off that horse. He looks.
Ryan: Terrified.
Ryan: Yeah, they look terrified. Horses are very scary, people say. Yeah, they are scary. You don't have to ride them, and they kick you in the fucking head.
Tighe: Yeah, thank you for that.
Laura: Yeah, I appreciate that. I don't need to get on a horse. I've been on a horse, so I'm good forever.
Ryan: I also have been on a horse.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Ty, have you been on a horse?
Tighe: I've never been on a horse.
Ryan: Shit.
Tighe: I said, hey, man, you got to get back up on that horse. But it was more of a metaphorical horse, I believe.
Ryan: Yeah, fair. Okay. Uh, cool. I mean, we actually got on a horse.
Tighe: Yeah, I know.
Ryan: You're cooler than me, for sure. No one's debating that. With a helmet and stuff. Oh, that's less cool. Oh, yeah. You put on a horse riding helmet. You what? Oh, cool.
Ryan: Anyway, supposedly Satanists read X Men. Did we cover that? No, we did. Um, um what's his new the main lead the lead character, Kenny, um, he reads comics and stuff. And we see a copy of X Men. And I remember the bullies are just like, look at this. Satanist reading up. What are you, like a mutant with your regenerative powers? You satan as fuck. Ah, yeah, look, he reads X Men. X Men's. Not a great comic. I know you like the X Men.
Tighe: Laura, but I love the X Men. Um, Satanist. I mean, if anything, it's like thinly veiled anti Nazism, which I'm all for with the X Men.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Families in general.
Ryan: I think it's weird that you're actually getting into the X.
Tighe: Men thing. It's a weird line. You're right. No one's ever associated reading comic books, especially the X Men with Satanism.
Ryan: No.
Tighe: There's so many other titles you could have chose anyway.
Ryan: I mean marvel's. Incredibly guess. I mean, you could probably go that far.
Ryan: Sure.
Tighe: But.
Ryan: I mean, the bullies have to they have to attach themselves to something. I got bullied for reading comics, and now everyone and their mother fucking loves comics now.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: Well, yeah. Did you ever telepathically turn sprinklers on them?
Ryan: Uh, no, I didn't. But certainly I'm not like some of the people who say they love comics now with their big fake tits and their fucking nonsense, streaming it to the world.
Laura: So, you know, I don't know why.
Ryan: It looks that's what I.
Laura: Was missing. I think comics are just fine. I don't know why people are cruel in school.
Ryan: I think kids just are cool to be cruel. Down with school. I see. Uh, get rid of school.
Ryan: Okay.
Ryan: Yeah, I guess. No, we need school.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: People need to fucking be able to read, because that is the problem. People are stupid enough as it is.
Laura: Let's, uh, talk about a dick. Yeah. Okay. So we have these runes, right? And they all are special. We've got six runes, and the very first rune that we see is shaped like a vagina. And it's the birthstone. Makes sense. And this chick is wearing it to impress her date. That's coming over a very special date. But when she puts on this necklace, she looks out at the lunar eclipse and then immediately gets knocked up by the moon.
Ryan: It happens.
Tighe: Okay.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: That's pretty common in the city.
Ryan: It's pretty cool.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: I think something to add, obviously not to kind of take away from the momentum of this moment, is that the runes have been stolen and they have.
Tighe: Been spread around the ryan they've been spread around North America, specifically. Oh, I was going to say that somehow in these six ruins, maybe we should all keep them. Not only the same continent, the same land mass, and then actual governing body, or whatever you call it, uh, country. You know what I mean? It's like there's not one in Mexico or Canada. It's like, oh, no, they happen to be on, like, Route 66, basically.
Laura: It's like they're in New York, Chicago.
Ryan: It's the one road that goes all the way across from the east to the west.
Tighe: Uh, yes, basically. I love that they all happen to be here.
Ryan: I mean, the US is the center of the world, obviously. Remember, when the aliens attacked, they only attacked the US.
Tighe: I mean, even Warlock One, where does he crash land from?
Ryan: Boston.
Tighe: Oh, weird. He's in La. All of a sudden when he like, he doesn't have to go through time, but space, because that was.
Ryan: Convenient for yeah, there's a lot of things going on. Anyway, um, yeah, so they're all in North America. Um, and this woman has the Odly shaped vagina stone.
Laura: She's got the special vagina stone and she gets impregnated by Satan's son. Satan's one and only son.
Ryan: Oh, my God. Yeah, it's so great. She births out something that looks like a really disgusting black bogey and it's moving around and the dog gives it a wee lick.
Laura: You know that I love practical effects and I love a nice gooey bag. So wet. It's so incredibly wet. That's what I miss about those monster movies, um, those practical effects when you.
Tighe: Get like, a wet that, you know, the actual effects guys, they literally tubs of ky and they just have just rubbing it on.
Laura: It just lubing up.
Ryan: Julian yeah. As the decades go on, things get drier.
Tighe: No, but let me say, I think a peak of pure wetness, just a sidebar for a second, is from beyond. From beyond the, um, absolute gooeiest drippiest wet monsters ever. The whole thing, top to bottom. It's wet. It's a sexy too.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: I mean, yes, but also wet, like.
Ryan: A very distinct way. I mean, there's also that horrible scene from The Terror from Beyond Space where that woman gets attacked by that giant space bug as well. And it's very kind of gooey yeah.
Tighe: I forget which, uh, nightmare movie it is, but when he swallowed I think it's three or four Dream Warriors where he swallows that girl when he's the big worm. The big Freddy worm is like also hella gooey. I remember being, uh, whoa, look how wet that weird worm Kruger.
Ryan: Is. Yeah.
Ryan: I think the only other thing that I like this birthing sequence is probably only second to the birthing sequence in Hellraiser where Frank comes out of the floor and develops a skeleton in reverse.
Laura: Ace Ventura when Nature calls.
Ryan: Slightly different. I mean, isn't that the same year?
Tighe: It's pretty wet.
Ryan: You're not wrong. Well, he's very sweaty in that sequence. Very sweaty. But, uh, I don't know why in Ace Ventura, he thought that he would have been fine with that tiny little fan in that rhinoceros. You're dissecting this in the African serengeti. How did he ever think that was going to be? That is heat beyond heat.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Fans not going to do it? No, that little tiny little fan. I mean, I know it's for comedy and obviously that's how that is, but.
Laura: Uh, I can only laugh when it makes sense.
Ryan: It just doesn't make any sense. That moment to me was guano.
Laura: Um wow. This film has one of my, um, what do you call it? Like, I don't abide dog harm.
Ryan: Right?
Laura: Yeah.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: But for whatever reason, this didn't bother me at all. Okay. So she's got this white Pomeranian. And the Pomeranian is very curious about this very wet bag of human goo.
Ryan: Right?
Laura: And the dog walks over to the and walks into the pool of blood around it and starts licking the goo. And I loved it. It was so funny. Then you've got a hand that comes out, which ends up being Julian Sands, and grabs the dog, swings the dog around, and then fucking tosses it against like a wall. But it just goes to this moment where the dog, of course, is getting grabbed. And the dog is concerned, rightfully so. But then when he throws the dog, it's like a little teddy bear. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's like a little plushy dog. But it's so funny. They made it so I wasn't very concerned. I wasn't worried about him.
Ryan: Doesn't he just pull the dog into his, uh, like, I don't know, the black scrotum sack that he comes from?
Laura: No, he tosses him.
Ryan: Oh, he just tosses it.
Ryan: Okay.
Ryan: I thought he pulled it in.
Tighe: He might have. He just hugged him around. He just gets real wet because everything's real wet. Yeah, everything gets um I was curious to watch that. I was like, what did they put on that to make that dog go over there? There was something fish oil. What was that dog trained to just be like, I will actually walk through.
Laura: Corn syrup to do this. Yeah, those dogs can be very finicky.
Tighe: Because you're going to shave that dog at that point. Like corn syrup and that fur. Oh, yeah.
Ryan: Done. So yeah. Anyway, peanut butter. That leads to yeah. Um, well, he is birthed. He's birthed in the way that comes.
Laura: Out of that bag. I think that they put him on a riser or something like underneath the ground and then rose him up through the ground, through the bag.
Tighe: Um, which they probably only had one or two takes that I think he really like. It looks like he's in that weird condom womb placenta thing. He breaks through it and it looks like a very intensive reset.
Ryan: It looks like, you know, when they birth that really bad. ORC in Lord of the Rings, it's like that. It's in his own little bubble. And they break the bubble. The arc so bad that he kills the little ORC. And you're like, all right, cool. He's a boss arc. Yeah, he has his own health bar. Yeah, he has his own health bar. So he's like yeah. He's not going to fuck around. So yeah. No, he's birthed. But because he's birthed, um, he's naked.
Ryan: Naked.
Ryan: Covered in black goo. Oh, my gosh. He's covered in treacle.
Laura: Don't you want to give your boy a kiss, mother?
Ryan: He's slowly walking towards his now, mum.
Laura: Um um 14 minutes, 10 seconds into this film, we have a newborn baby.
Ryan: Julian. Yeah.
Tighe: It pops off, I think technically would have been in.
Laura: The first man. Yeah, he's fully naked. Um, as you were saying, covered in goo. His mom is rightfully horrified because she was just about like she was getting ready. She kind of had this Megan Fox look to her. I don't know if you felt that at all. I don't. Like, especially when she got really upset, she kind of looked like Megan.
Tighe: I did not catch it.
Laura: Um, but she's rightfully upset because she was probably looking to get laid by a very special guest. And instead pray tell, who. Instead, I'll bring it up.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: Everyone has to wait. Instead, she gives birth to a demon baby. Okay, I'm going to bring this up.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: I'm getting too ahead of myself. I'm too excited.
Ryan: It starts with G and ends in.
Ryan: Remlins. Stop.
Laura: So yeah, he's walking down the hall towards his mother. She's bleeding out, trying to crawl away from him.
Ryan: Very upset. She's bleeding from all these different she smashed onto the dining room table that had glasses and plates and all sorts of stuff on it. So she's got like lacerations on her arms and all sorts all over her face. So, um, she's not doing well. And also something forced its way out of her. Pretty big, too.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: I mean, it wasn't a full size man that came out. Like, he grew a bit, but I.
Ryan: Mean, it was like the size of a yeah, it wasn't like gozu where a full size man comes out of a woman. It wasn't like gozu.
Laura: But she's same thing forever torn apart down there.
Ryan: Well, forever is not very true. No, she's not got very long to live. Um, so she scrambles to the bathroom. Let's get ourselves into the bathroom. And he's walking down the hallway. And obviously he's very menacing because he asked her for a kiss, called her mum. Like, all this sort of thing. Um, I mean, uh, you just give.
Laura: Him a wee kiss. I wonder if she had been nicer to him, like a mother should be, do you think this would have gone south so quickly?
Ryan: He's a real bad bastard, though.
Tighe: He has a mission.
Ryan: He knows what he's going to do.
Laura: He is not nice. He doesn't have to kill anybody.
Ryan: He could have quite charming, to be fair. He could have had all the ass he wanted. But you know what? He's not going to take it.
Tighe: He's no longer mortal. He cares about those things.
Ryan: Did he get any ass in the first Warlock?
Laura: I don't think so.
Tighe: Listen to this.
Laura: Here you go. The only people that warlock has any that warlock has any kind of and it's not a sexual thing necessarily, but the only type of intimate moments that he has with any other person in.
Ryan: Any of these films is with men.
Laura: Uh, the first one, he bites off that guy's tongue, gets right in there. Really gets in there. And this one, he sucks out a guy's ear. And very intimate.
Ryan: Very sexy stuff. Yeah, I would say so.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: You're not going to lie to women. But he never gets as close to a woman as he does with any of the men. Yeah.
Ryan: It's amazing.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Anyway, for anyone, I hope to Satan that y'all have seen this film. Because this moment in the bathroom is one of my favorite things that's happened in cinema. When he pops up over the door from the outside. And there's that. I don't even know what you would call it.
Tighe: It's like a transom window.
Laura: Okay? And he kind of pulls himself up. He's naked, covered in, like, blood and goo. And he's saying, let me in, mother. Let me in. And she goes, fuck you. Which I thought was quite rude because he hasn't been mean to her yet. He has not done anything wrong.
Ryan: I love your justifying of this.
Laura: Like, he hasn't he didn't choose to be bored.
Ryan: He stalked her menacingly down that, uh, hallway, completely naked.
Laura: Outreached calling from mother. He was just as confused as she.
Ryan: And I will point out. Uh, we did kind of gloss over it. When he's coming down that hallway and his body catches the light a certain way, that's when you see it. In case people are wondering oh, yeah. Whether that happens or not.
Laura: I don't know how clear that is on the to be version. But on that Blu ray, that dick is crisp and clear.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: You should get yourself that Blu ray version because it is incredibly cheap. And, uh, it's, uh, three strikes there that you, uh, get. You get the three the throttle, as it were, of the warlock. So it's definitely worth getting.
Tighe: Oh, my God. Just for this half a second, 14 and somewhat minutes in.
Ryan: It's worth it.
Laura: Yes. Oh, god. For the bathroom scene is my favorite.
Ryan: It's my favorite. So she won't let him in.
Laura: She won't let him in.
Ryan: No.
Laura: Fuck you, son, she says. And he's staring at her from that little window above the door. And he just screams this scream that is obviously otherworldly. But it's like a grown man making a baby cry. It's a very, very strange noise. And he looks crazy when he does it. And he screams so loud that her, uh, eardrums burst. Blood everywhere. And then all of the glass and the windows and the mirror just shatter.
Ryan: And implode inside of the bathroom.
Laura: Everything explodes. It's so cool, you.
Ryan: Guys.
Tighe: Yeah, but what would he have done if she hadn't ran from him? What was his agenda there?
Laura: It would have been like everybody else, because he has to get these runes and these stones willingly. He has to be given to them willingly. He cannot take them. If he would have asked, maybe she would have been like, yeah, take the fucking stone and get out of my house.
Ryan: Well, here's the thing. He didn't know about the stones until he convenes with her corpse to the devil or the demon, uh, who effectively brought him back. So he's like, what the fuck's going on? Why am I back? It's the 600 years now. And then obviously, he convenes with the devil by sticking his hand in the side of her head and she talks. Um, but then what's? His face comes to the door wearing a nice suit.
Laura: Okay, hold on. Before we talk about that special guest okay, who's right here in this room. I wish he probably would have if.
Ryan: We would ask him.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Anyway, I'm going to bring up the commentary again, but, um, Anthony says, um, when Julian kind of comes out of that placenta thing and he's walking down the hallway, he goes, here comes penis. And then yeah, that's what the director said in the commentary. Oh, right.
Ryan: Here comes penis. I thought that's what the boy said.
Laura: At the no, no, I'm going backwards. I'm going backwards. I didn't want to leave this moment yet. And he goes, Before Spartacus, we were first. And then he also said, won't sell in Japan because only women can be naked. Um, and then he said that Julian is method, which is why he insisted on being he's like he's like, you don't have to be.
Ryan: And he no, no. I mean, this isn't Julian's first rodeo, though, either. Yeah, the guy does not fuck around when it comes to this sort of thing. No, I'm just glad he did it because otherwise we wouldn't be talking about warlock. I mean, that's really the thing. So that's why we were well, I think the minute that you saw it because you just put it on for shits and giggles. I just wanted to watch m that movie. You wanted to watch it. It immediately replaced something else that we were going to do this year.
Laura: Oh, yeah. Because normally if I'm watching a film because sometimes dicks just happen when you're watching a film. And I do have a really great database. But there's some films that I just didn't know about that aren't maybe culturally as popular. It's not like a boogie night situation. Like warlock. The armageddon. So it's not on everyone's, uh, top list. But I will normally stop it. And I go, oh, well, we're going to do it on the podcast.
Ryan: I do like the idea of Julian Sands, like looking in a mirror, being like, I'm a star. I'm a star. I'm a big, bright, shining star.
Laura: He is. He was. But I'll normally stop the film and go, okay, we're going to do it on the podcast. I'm not going to finish this movie because, uh, then I'd have to watch it twice now, this film, I go, there's no fucking way I'm stopping watching this film. I love this. And it just continued to get better from there. And now I've seen it several times. And I'll watch.
Ryan: It again.
Ryan: It's good. It's a fucking great film. I fucking think it is fun as fuck. It is really silly. And it really plays into some of the things that I like in the first one as well. So the first one's fun. Fun in a different way, in a more kind of fantasy way. Warlock Two is a little bit more horrific. There's a lot of needless deaths that.
Tighe: Happen in this film. And like a little sillier. You know what I mean? Like, the first one has comedy for sure. But the second one is just more out for a quick laugh.
Ryan: I love his flesh map. Like the map that tells that it.
Tighe: Dries out and he's.
Ryan: Got to covered with leaves and shit.
Ryan: Again.
Tighe: Doesn't make any sense, man.
Ryan: Come on.
Tighe: You got to take care of that.
Ryan: Rips that prostitute scalp off and says, here's your hair. Look at your hair.
Laura: Well, she was being really annoying.
Ryan: She was being annoying. But did it really warrant that level of cartoon? Cartoon villainy, you mean? Yeah, pretty much.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: I don't know. Well, this scene where after he puts his hands inside of his mother's neck while she's laying on the table and he convenes with papa Satan and he gets that flesh map. So the director thought that maybe this was like a bit too far. He thought that the audience that was.
Ryan: A specific moment where the audience turned on him.
Ryan: Okay.
Laura: He goes, it didn't go over too well. And he said that if he were to recut the film, he might take some of that out. I think that's a shame.
Tighe: In there that much. It's really I mean, it's a couple times.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: I thought it was m also, which I noticed watching it again. She's laying on that table and he's kind of at her head, right? And where he has his hands in her neck and stuff. And he's doing all this whatever, talking to Satan. You can see his pubes. Yeah.
Ryan: Crystal clear.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Thought you were going to see it again.
Ryan: Well, her head's like perfect level to where his junk?
Laura: Um, so very Austin Powers type of so. I guess so.
Laura: But someone comes to the door. You guys. A special date finally. A very special date. Finally. Does anyone care as much as we do?
Tighe: I guess we'll find out.
Ryan: Probably not. Probably not. I mean, we're of a generation. Um who's there? Yeah.
Ryan: Knock, knock.
Laura: Wait, she knocked.
Ryan: Knock, knock, knock.
Tighe: Oh, hello. It's fucking Zach Alligator already. Jesus. You guys. Zach Alligator from Gremlins Fame.
Ryan: I thought we were doing like a role play thing.
Laura: You go, knock, knock. What kind of fucked up game?
Ryan: But no one says ding dong. It's always knock, knock. You're like, oh, my god.
Ryan: Hello.
Ryan: I'm coming to the door. Give me a minute. And then you go and you open the door.
Laura: And it's the 90s. We've have doorbells now.
Ryan: All right. Okay. Well, yeah. I mean, I guess so. Well, now you've got ring doorbells and you can just look on your phone like, oh, it's what's his face from, um it's Zach. Zach Gallagher.
Ryan: What?
Tighe: Dude, I would love if I looked at my ring notification and be like, what? He's at my door and he's wearing black.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Oh, he brought me flowers.
Tighe: What a lovely that's probably happened to somebody in like, I don't know, eagle Rock or some other neighborhood in La. Uh, they'd be like, ring.
Ryan: Oh, shit.
Tighe: Is that Gallagher? Yeah, he's my neighbor.
Ryan: Hold on.
Ryan: Let me see what he wants. Yeah, well, it's probably happened. But it's like being Steve Gutenberg. And you're like, nope, not answering that door.
Laura: Jesus.
Ryan: Definitely not.
Tighe: Oh, my god. I would rush home the goose.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: He's also pantless, of course.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Because he was running through Central Park.
Tighe: I could be at my spouse's funeral. This will never happen again. This will never happen again. She would understand.
Laura: Sorry, dead wife. Go forth. Go forth to get the goot.
Ryan: Look at the glutes on that goot.
Laura: Look at the gooch on that dear.
Laura: So, uh, Zach Gallagher showed up because, uh, he just had come over for lunch to the set and they put.
Ryan: Him in the movie. Was that true?
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Well, he was in wax. Was it waxwork?
Tighe: Waxwork.
Ryan: And waxwork, too.
Laura: Have you seen those die?
Ryan: I haven't. Yeah.
Tighe: Are they wet? No, they're not as wet as they should be. No, I will say the first one especially. It, uh, vibes like a first film. It's just like a little rough around the edges. There's a lot of polish. It's a real movie, but he hasn't quite found his footing. You know what I mean? But it has a lot of different monster makeup effects in it. That's what really sells it. It's sort of like for the Monster Squad monster assembly movie, you know what I'm saying? So it has that going for it, which I think is why it has a lot of lasting power, but it's not objectively like a great movie. There's a better execution of that movie.
Ryan: But it's a solid concept.
Ryan: It's got that little person in it on the poster. I think I might have seen this movie.
Tighe: Who was also in Warlock Two. Yes. And who was also somebody say it.
Ryan: I don't know. Isn't the smallest person in the world.
Tighe: At that uh yes. Who played Alf from Alf, my favorite sitcom as a kid. Yes. That actor, whatever his name is, I can't remember.
Ryan: Was in Alf.
Ryan: Okay.
Tighe: He was Alf for all the seasons.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: And yeah. Was in a lot of movies. He sort of, like, parlayed that celebrity into that.
Ryan: Wow.
Tighe: Okay. I mean, we were on Gallagher, and we somehow got off of Gallagher. But anyway, there he was.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: So good for him.
Tighe: There's Zach.
Laura: There's Zach. I had written down about, uh, the flying, which we've already kind of talked about. But did we exactly say how he was able to fly in the original film? Oh, we did not. In the original film, he's talking to this little kid who's actually kind of cool, and they're having a nice time, and they're playing video games together on the swings, and they're just having, like, a nice chat. Warlock and child. And then you find out that in order for him to fly, he has to drink the fat of an unbaptized child. And so the next thing you see is him just drinking out of, like, an aluminum can, and then he starts flying. And, um, in this film, as we'd already talked about, he's already a supernatural son of Satan, so he doesn't need to drink the fat of a child.
Tighe: I feel like Warlock Two would have showed you some version of the dead kid. But Warlock One, I think, was still classy enough to be, like, cut away and just heavily imply by the hot rendered fat in the cup that he killed that kid. Where I feel like Two would have given you some level of gore with it.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: That's just the difference.
Tighe: Pretty horrible.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: But I think it's more effective in the first and be like, oh, shit, he killed a kid. Like, at that point, you're like, oh, got it. So he's like, really, actually a really terrible person. Got it.
Ryan: Check.
Tighe: I, uh, heard your child was dead. I grieve for you. Yeah, he does roll into that small community trailer park and he's yeah.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: But tell me about the did they.
Ryan: Tell me how did your child.
Ryan: Die? Yeah.
Tighe: Was he baptized?
Ryan: Oh, yeah. Was he baptized?
Tighe: Was he, like, in the moment where she's maybe having doubt, like, oh, god, we never baptized him. What if I just sent my kid to hell? Richard D. Grant's there to be like, look, was he fucking baptized or not? Is he burning in hell or is he not? Because he's definitely a Christian man. Redfern is 100% a Christian man. Absolutely.
Ryan: Boy.
Ryan: Rot the minute that she gives that answer. And he does not say.
Ryan: Anything afterwards.
Ryan: No, he has gone to hell.
Ryan: Then.
Laura: Uh, he's not worried about the child. He's worried about the fact that warlock.
Tighe: Can fucking fly now.
Ryan: Yeah, fair point. Pretty much. Yeah.
Ryan: Pretty much.
Ryan: There are only two things in this world the warlock will matter. And he'll be like, that was you.
Tighe: I love a Scottish man doing an.
Ryan: English man doing a Scotsman. I mean, it's not hard. It's really not. So I wanted to bring this point up. I think it's important. But, um, there is a point where, um what's, uh, his name again? It's not Jimmy. What the fuck's his name? Zachariah?
Ryan: Kenny.
Ryan: Kenny. There we talking kenny's talking to the girl who's going to be also the second warrior in this piece, the Druid warrior. But there's this weird sequence that's almost in slow motion. And, uh, it's his father and Frank, who's the friend, they've both got guns. And they just set up upon his son. And they're like, dad, you're scaring me. And he just fucking shoots them through the stomach. And then they bring him back to life. And then this is when he learns about obviously the Druids and everything is and he's just like in a very disparaging way, as if the kid should have known all of this as well already. Is he's like, it's a world of magic, son. And it's like, of huh?
Laura: Course it is. It's another one of those things where it could easily have been he could have been brought up with this, you know? Or maybe not all of the information to the point where he would go, if this goes down and a warlock comes, I will have to kill you, but you'll be brought back to life. It's cool. That'll be hard to swallow.
Ryan: You know what would have been really fucking interesting? And it would have sealed up all of this stuff because everyone in the town don't like this family because they're weird, right? They're very kind of anti, let's say, uh, to them. They're very anti Christian. Even though the faith and the Druids and their background, their history is all.
Laura: Yeah, they do think they're Satanists, but they could just fucking explain it.
Ryan: They could just explain it. But I feel like this is very much like kind of the middle American, uh, mindset where it's kind of like we don't really understand things that are different.
Tighe: So we hate it. Yeah.
Ryan: It's small town. Yeah, small town.
Ryan: Thinking.
Ryan: But the thing that I thought might have made the film interesting is the idea of they replace the druid thing with or don't replace the druid thing, but take the idea of they're like a survivalist family and they're brought up on these beliefs and it's like, one day you're going to be the next druid warrior. So from the age of his birth, he's brought up to believe that he's going to become this hero that's going to be needed in the near future and stuff. I would have liked that.
Laura: Yeah, but then he wouldn't have had all those silly little tricks and trying.
Ryan: To learn his magic power. Uh, like Luke Skywalker, when it basically turns into fucking Star Wars at one point. Except that they replace the droid with the blindfold thing when he's trying to train with the lightsaber with just a, um, baseball and trying to hover a baseball about. And that becomes a thing.
Tighe: And you're pointing out a thing that I really hate that bad scripts do. And I never say like a sentence like this, but it's that hallmark where someone like the main character doesn't know something, the other person well, I'll explain that later. Well, I'll tell you later. And it's like, this is going to take you 10 seconds. Just fucking say it. Ah, but that happens. Three or I may be nice. It's probably more like four to six times with the father, where it's like, get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning. And in the morning it's one sentence he had to say that did not have it's. Just like you could have set this kid down for five and a half.
Laura: Minutes and filled him in.
Tighe: It's even worse with drags it out with the girl.
Ryan: Oh, yeah.
Laura: With the girlfriend daughter.
Ryan: Samantha.
Laura: Because the thing with Kenny is that he has these powers and he's told about the powers and he's being trained and he's still shit at it. And then you have Samantha, who is not told a damn thing, doesn't know what's going on, but she can do her powers immediately without any training.
Ryan: I mean, she's also a woman and she matures quicker than the man does. Kenny doesn't strike me as someone who's particularly intelligent. I'm not going to put it out there.
Laura: But he does go swimming in jeans.
Ryan: He swims in his own well, it's also dangerously close to having, like a Jeff Buckley moment where he'd just end up jumping in the water and he'd still be wearing, like, his fucking boots and he'd die. Luckily, he did take his shoes off. But then he's also another thing that I really didn't like about him was that he's desperately obsessed and he's going to go, no matter what, to San Francisco. And it's obvious he's never been before, otherwise why would he want to go?
Laura: I don't know. Was San Francisco really nice in the 90s maybe? I think so.
Tighe: Unsure.
Ryan: Okay.
Tighe: Especially from small town northern California was like, oh, yeah, it's this big city.
Ryan: Like, wow.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: I guess if you're going to made it.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Maybe he's going to college, right?
Tighe: Maybe if you're in California already. Uh, yeah, it is. Maybe he's going to be.
Ryan: Yeah, maybe that makes sense.
Tighe: Talking about this kid in the feel like this is a good segue to just the fashion in the movie. But specifically Kenny's shirt that he has towards the end, which is just like all pockets. It is these two massive pockets that basically go from like, sternum to waist. They go past the bottom of his ribcage. And I mean, there are yards and yards and yards of fabric in that one. Sorry, I hit my mic. Sorry. It drapes fabric and it's tucked in. And if you need, like a comparative shirt, watch Sleepless in Seattle. Tom Hanks is also in like 38 yards of light denim fabric made into a shirt.
Ryan: And it is just ridiculous. It's like quintessential father in a romantic comedy. Not even father single father in a romantic comedy sort of outerwear.
Tighe: But then Kenny the teenager is also wearing it in this movie. It's just so ubiquitous 90s.
Ryan: You're like, oh, because Tom Selleck has the exact same shirt in one of those three Men in the Baby movies as well.
Tighe: That, uh, feels right. Yeah, it was me at the time.
Ryan: It's his muck around, like, I'm going to do things at the weekend sort of shirt. Yeah, that's it.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Because I've got one of those shirts. I really like that shirt.
Tighe: Is it also like a light denim.
Ryan: It'S like a light denim blue shirt.
Ryan: Wow.
Laura: Bring it back.
Ryan: Bring it back. I'm going to. Yeah, I think it's all comfy. Well, it's also like I mean, yeah, we're getting older, but I really like just that kind of clothing on me now with the temperatures and stuff, the way they are.
Laura: I'm like loungewear.
Ryan: Yeah, like a.
Tighe: Good lounge fabric.
Ryan: I can just really well, not velvet. Like light denim.
Ryan: Yeah. Seinfeld. Fucking hell.
Ryan: Did we get to the bit where.
Laura: There'S, um, so many good deaths.
Ryan: Julian Sands starts squirting. Oh, my gosh. I can't stop you squirting.
Laura: He goes when he's at the gas station. Yeah.
Ryan: Oh, yeah.
Laura: When the Druids do their one spell and he squirts. I think that the gas station attendant is holding his hands over his squirting back. And I think he just yells, won't stop squirting. He said something to that effect. And I screamed. He's squirting at his ears, his eyes. It does nothing. Like it never comes back. They never use it again because he.
Tighe: Gets a quick little refill from the attendant.
Ryan: Good as new. Yeah, but it's kind of like the druids don't ever do that stuff again. It's like it happens by accident. But then it might work. And he's like, no, this isn't working. But it is working. He's just not aware of it.
Ryan: Working.
Ryan: So I was also kind of, like, slightly bemused and a little bit confused by what was going on. I didn't have an issue with it, but I was kind of like, oh, this is never going to be brought back up again. It kind of felt like a weird non separate.
Tighe: In the first one, they do do things like she nails the nails into the dirt and it hurts him in.
Ryan: His feet. It's explained because when Red Fern's there, he is obviously the intellectual in this situation. He knows everything. So when he says to do this, it's like, what the fuck do you mean? He's like, no, this will work. This is why this works. But there's nobody really in this world that we have in Warlock, too, that's true, to do any of those things. Even. Certainly when you feel like the druids themselves are doing things, but they're not aware that they're working.
Tighe: Yeah, I mean, I guess at this point, they're basically been sitting around for 500 years, just, like, hanging out. So they're like, hey, this shit probably works. You know what I mean? Whereas Redfern was like, using that on.
Ryan: The Daily because obviously there's the Frank character, who's notably the oldest of the three Druids that are there. And immediately when they find out, uh, that the warlock is loose and he's on his way there, he's immediately like, well, I was hoping I was going to see my 70th birthday. And every single turn he is like, M Mr. Pessimistic? Like, I'm m going to go look out my grave spot. I'm going to go do this. It's like, Chill the fuck out, Frank. Let's have a little bit of optimism. Just a little bit. It is a marriage. It is a world of magic, son. Just got to give it.
Laura: A chance.
Laura: Uh, I want to bring up a couple of the deaths because I really like the fashion show. The fashion show, fashion lady.
Ryan: The one touch I like, great. The one touch I like is that when he notices the stone on one of the models and he gets up on the catwalk and starts walking towards the off stage area, they're still taking pictures.
Tighe: Of him. He is sexy. I mean, I wouldn't bat an eye. I would probably fire off a few myself and be like, what is that?
Ryan: Well, who cares? I mean, when he does touch that suit that the gremlins boy is wearing, he just goes he just.
Laura: Goes black. He swaggers out wearing that suit.
Ryan: Looking good.
Tighe: He does, yeah. I will say one of my favorite, um, moments in this film happens when he drops her. She crashes through the glass ceiling and she hits the thing and there's like a quick sequence of people reacting or getting hit with blood. And there is a guy in glasses, I think, who gets it direct in the face, like a squirt. Like they hit him with the pneumatic gun. Right in the face. And I mean, it's less than a second. I would guess it's like 18 frames, you know what I mean? But it's so fast. But he takes it like that dude definitely had to see the set medic. Like, he took it in the eyes. It's so fast, but it's so intense.
Ryan: It's so good. Took it like a champ.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: The way that the blood comes out, because I feel like the blood comes out before she even hits the ground. And there's just glass everywhere. She probably only falls maybe like three stories.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: But say 2020, 5ft maybe.
Laura: Uh, it's not.
Ryan: That far. Well, she also gets impaled on glass.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: So there's probably a lot of that going on. Well, 20ft is, uh yeah, you can die from that height. Like, you'll die you will die from that height.
Tighe: I do love that he walks backstage and is so charming that she's just like, I'm going to leave this fashion show. I prepared for god knows how long.
Laura: You've got this, hon. I'm so annoyed when he needs to get that rune from her, uh, the stone. And they're in the air flying. And she's so turned on by the fact that this guy can fly, which fair enough. And she's flying in the air. Then he asks her for the stone. And she just fucking gives it to him while she's floating over. I'm like, don't do that, man.
Ryan: Wait until you're on. Yeah, you can see it from a mile away. But then you also have zero respect for her from the beginning, where it's just like his, uh, pickup line is, yeah, I'm a witch. And she's like a warlock.
Tighe: Yes, thank you for pointing that.
Ryan: I love that.
Tighe: She's like, you mean a warlock? She's like, oh, I know my britannica, uh, dictionary terms for witches and warlocks.
Ryan: Yeah, well, I know what I am. Um, can be witches. I know what I identify as.
Tighe: She's like, I went to Brown.
Ryan: Okay?
Ryan: I understand what the difference is.
Laura: What does he say when he drops her?
Ryan: Does he say, like, ride over? Yeah, rides over.
Ryan: This is also the introduction of him having Schwarzenegger, um, levels of, um, one minors for each of the deaths, which I appreciated a lot. Like, he runs over a bunny when he's got that car. And he goes, it's the wild west. For whatever reason. I don't really understand what that means. But he runs over a bunny.
Laura: There's not a big sense of love for animals in this film.
Ryan: No.
Laura: Dogs are tossed around like dolls. Yeah. Birds littered on the streets.
Ryan: Rabbits unceremoniously squished.
Ryan: Yes.
Ryan: But, um, it is the 90s, so funhouse. Death circus funhouse. Hall of Mirrors.
Laura: Hall of Mirrors is my nightmare. So I don't think that this would have come over to you, Ryan.
Ryan: I, uh, will point this out. It's one of my least favorite shots in any movie is the establishing shot of the circus because it looks like a really bad matte painting and put in front. And there's obviously they haven't got like a big top or the tent or anything like that. They just obviously have this interior that they've made up to be like the horror circus thing. But that establishing shot looks fucking terrible. Um I don't remember it. It's something that I saw, like, immediately that it did look it looked pretty bad. Looked pretty awful. I would expect people to maybe look at that when they go in there because I think the only physical set is something that's in the bottom quarter of the screen. The rest of it, uh, is a painting. Oh, wow. And it looks really bad because you can tell it's a painting. But then when they get in there, this is when it gets a little surreal, I think.
Tighe: Yeah. He's transported to a whole dimension that no one else gets transported to, full of, I don't know, kennels and like a miniature train. And then a monster pops out of the ground and a close up.
Laura: Welcome to the other side of reality.
Ryan: I do like that.
Tighe: But it's so brief. And you can tell it was like, done on a budget in a day. No shade. It's just kind of like, shit, we got to make a whole dimension. And they were just kind of like miniature train. Got it. Uh, bunch of Kennels. Got it.
Ryan: Cool.
Tighe: Oh, just shoot a tight of the thing coming out of the ground. It's just like it feels a little slapped together in a way that there are other things we're going to spend our money on.
Ryan: I like the idea of it because the idea of it is much scarier than the reality of it, where it's like you can physically look at in a mirror. And he's basically saying there's another world behind that mirror. And it's like the bizarro world that you're in right now. And it's fucking hellish. That's something I quite admired and I was interested in.
Laura: I love a, uh, scary mirror thing. I was about to bring up that I don't think that you would have seen this growing up. But I don't know if you've saw it.
Ryan: Ty.
Laura: You remember? Are you afraid of the dark?
Ryan: HM?
Laura: Do you remember that episode with the mirrors? It was called the Tale of the Mystical Mirror. I do not. It was a 1995 episode of are You Afraid of the Dark? And it was a similar thing where god, I can't remember the episode. It only haunts me through images in my brain because that show had some.
Tighe: Really scary oh, no. Plenty of other things haunt me. But that one, um, I can't recall right now.
Ryan: But absolutely.
Laura: It was like show was great. Like, uh, a bizarro version of you on the other side of the mirror that's like, stuck. And then they trick you into going into the mirror world. And that's kind of what this obviously is doing.
Ryan: And it is there's a shitty film that we saw recently that was like that with a girl and her other self was on the other side of the mirror. We saw a film of that recently.
Laura: I don't remember.
Ryan: It was really bad. Well, I mean, my memory was fucking terrible. Um, but no, I mean, there's the Bloody Mary. There's the Bloody Mary folklore with the mirror. And then obviously we have candyman as well, which is kind of just a take on that as well.
Laura: Those are things like coming out of the mirror at you rather than your.
Tighe: You don't go in the mirror.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Into your world.
Tighe: I mean, also, we're not mentioning I guess that's a spoiler, but, uh, us I mean, we're not mentioning that. That's like a modern day version of that. I mean, I feel like you can spoilerly free mention that now years.
Ryan: You should have seen it, I think.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: You probably should have seen us by now.
Ryan: But yeah.
Tighe: So there is a m modern version of that. Again, people taking like a classic trope and kind of turning it on its head. Um, but the fun houses also has don't quote me here. It definitely has one of the most noticeable split diopter shots in the movie. But it might have two within that one sequence of them all talking, if I remember, because this is our segue into this movie, has a lot of split diopter shots. Most movies of the time. There was an era where you would have one it was like a specialty thing you would bring out for one shot.
Ryan: I would say the split diopter, I would note more towards, um, like Brian de Palmer or something.
Tighe: He does make extensive he said, Tony Hickox in this one movie. I'm curious what the number? The count is. It's at least five, but I wouldn't.
Laura: Be surprised if he it is at least five because we started counting at the 40 minutes mark of the film. And we had five.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: Uh, I wouldn't be surprised if there.
Laura: Was seven or eight, which is there's one in the beginning.
Tighe: So there's at least six.
Ryan: We had six.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: I wouldn't be surprised. It's obviously Tony had a little bit of inspiration from Jaws, which I think is one of the only times I think the split diopter shots is actually very good just because Brian de Palmer uses it all the fucking time.
Tighe: I love it.
Ryan: It's great.
Tighe: It is a signature sort of thing for him. And it's sad it's now gone by the wayside. Thanks to over. Ryan's going to bring it back. Very sensitive. Very sensitive center. Uh, just new opticals and very sensitive center.
Laura: We're going to wait for Ryan's next film, and he's going to do it even more than.
Ryan: Six times.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Let's just make everyone feel fucking sick by just having an entire film made up of just split diopter shots.
Tighe: How can I get them both in focus? The sides of the room.
Ryan: How'd I get one close and then someone far away.
Laura: He just makes it sound like it was the most clever thing in the world. And I loved it for him. He's like, oh, see, I couldn't quite get them both in focus. So what I did was oh, my god. I love it so much.
Ryan: It's so great.
Ryan: There's some really good pieces of direction in this film. There's some really ingenious kind of camera moves and stuff. I didn't write any of this stuff down. I think I was just going to remember.
Tighe: But no, he does some proto Michael Bay kind of things, will whip by an actor and then come up for an over the shoulder. And it's like, what? He could have just shot a master or whatever, but he chose to like no, the coverage for this kid walking out of the school and seeing the bullies is to whip up the sidewalk and then come up and be over his shoulder. It's like a strangely inspired kind of thing. Um, in a movie that has just, like very normal camera work otherwise. But there's a couple of times he does something weird. Like there's something notable like that that you're like, okay, he's kind of trying some shit.
Ryan: There's like weird canted shots that are on the ground for an establishing shot and things when they're having a conversation. Then you're kind of like, okay. Um, like, he's playing with it a little bit more than you would have thought. So it's a little bit more dynamic than some of the stuff we saw.
Laura: In Warlock, I would say. Yeah, he's having fun.
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: He's like, trying stuff. Steve Miner is a little more like not that it's not uninspired, but like, Steve Miner is just like a craftsman. You know what mean? Like, I, uh, think Hickox had that young brash thing where he was still just like doing a shot because it was cool. Whether it was unmotivated, it could be completely unmotivated. But it's just like, yeah, but this is fun.
Laura: Let's do it. Hell, yeah.
Laura: Do we have any other moments before, um, we kind of trickle down to the end?
Ryan: I've got a couple more things. The only thing I would say is that ending sequence with there's a massive battle between them all at the end. And I'm not going to spoil most of it. But there is the this is your knife no, this is your knife moment. And then when they finally kill off Sands, um, yeah, it's pretty brilliant.
Tighe: The melting M sequence is top notch.
Laura: Absolutely.
Tighe: It's so wet in a movie.
Laura: That's wet and it's practical. It is gorgeous. The way his leg kind of breaks apart and the skin falls off. His eyeball pops out. I love it. They don't do shit like that anymore. I think it's starting to come it's.
Ryan: Starting to come back a little bit. It's always been in your kind of mid tier horror stuff. I feel like it's the purity of trying to try and keep, uh, those elements of cinema alive because yeah, you get a little sick and tired of the video game stuff when you go to see that in the cinema. Yeah, absolutely. Gets a little bit tiresome.
Laura: This one has a good mix, you guys, of silly CG.
Tighe: Uh, the mix.
Ryan: It does have a mix. It has a mix.
Laura: Let's say it has a mix, you guys. It's just like Jurassic Park.
Ryan: Like you were saying, it's exactly like Jurassic Park. Basically, they are able to make the prop knife look exactly like the knife in 3D when it's flowing. Yeah, with the lighting effects and everything.
Tighe: I have to mention one my favorite part during the end battle sequence, before he melts, julian Sands pushes over one of the big, tall stonehenge rock columns. And you can distinctly see as it falls over two crew members assisting Julian Sands push it over. Not for almost a full second. To me, it's like once I see it, I was like, I'll never unsee that. There's two dudes clearly pushing that thing over with him.
Laura: I remember you mentioning that the other.
Tighe: Day and I forgot to look the next time. I was too engrossed.
Ryan: I was too engrossed. I was too engrossed as well. There's just a lot of really cool moments in this movie. I mean, it rains blood at one point, and I totally forgot about that.
Laura: Uh, he goes, it tastes like blood.
Ryan: She is covered in blood. I mean, if you need to make sure, well, it's like, whose blood is this? Are you bleeding? Am I bleeding? What's happening here? Do we have wounds to tend to? Yeah, I wouldn't put it in my fucking mouth, stupid. Yeah. Ah. Um, but yeah, um, this movie is pretty fucking good.
Laura: Uh, so I only have a couple other things before we get into our ratings, but I read a variety review that said of Julian Sands in this film, chewing up the landscape with great relish, sands almost erases all thought of his.
Ryan: Colorless adversaries. Damn. Jesus Christ.
Tighe: Uh, there's nuggets of truth in there.
Ryan: But wow.
Laura: Uh, I think that everyone did a great job in this film. I don't think anyone is underperforming. I think everyone's having fun.
Tighe: Again, that discounts all those solid all the druids are really solid. Like standby guys. I mean, I forget his character name, but the guy that goes to try to find him and kill him is Norris from.
Ryan: The Thing. My favorite bit in the entire movie is him stumbling and thumbbling his way. And he's got, like obviously he's got a pocket full of bugs, right? And they start to vibrate. And he has that little that look on his face just like, oh, no, there's the warlocks in the elevator. And he has the knife. He has the knife. And he's going to use the knife on Julian Sands and the thing. And he's got his little bum bag. And he's just kind of going around. He's got his shirt.
Laura: Tucked in.
Ryan: Uh, it's brilliant.
Laura: These Druid daddies are doing their absolute best.
Tighe: They really are man direction.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: They've just been waiting. They knew it was going be to their time. They've just been getting high. They lived through free love. I mean, come on. Let's give these guys a little bit of grace.
Laura: I don't know if I think they.
Ryan: All I think they all void for Reagan, though.
Tighe: They're just like the generation that inherited. If your son was going to be born, you're like, oh, 600 years are going to be up. Like, you're the one who's going to actually have to face this. And these dudes knew they'd probably still be alive to face this. One of them was like, I'm going to have a kid. I'm thinking about this more than anyone involved in the script probably ever did. I'm going to have a kid. He's probably going to be the warrior. You know what I mean? Because you're like 600 years or whatever it is, is coming up.
Ryan: Yeah, but they already knew because both of the kids mums died in childbirth. And that was the indicator.
Tighe: So when that happened, they were like, okay, cool. It's time. It's coming. But they're also in Northern California. And then I do such means. They were probably around for the hence, free love, weed, et cetera. I mean, Wicca was big here. I mean, sure, that's Druid adjacent, right?
Laura: Speaking of weed, apparently Chris, uh, Young, who plays Kenny, um, liked to get high before shooting his scenes. That's what the director the director said that he goes he's like, can I say this? He's like, no, I think it's legal. He used to toke up before shooting his scenes.
Ryan: I'm like, cool. I think the statute of limitations on that is probably done now. Plus, also arrest him.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: California has legalized marijuana and stuff now anyway. So it's not like it doesn't make a difference. Yeah. I mean, it maybe means that his performance was a little fucking sleepy. Although he's not bad. The two young characters aren't bad.
Laura: Uh, it's our perfect 90s boy.
Ryan: Here's the thing. It's like comparing this film to stuff that we see more recently. To me, I don't have any issues with Warlock Two because of how crap some of the stuff because some of it's humorless that comes out now. And it's just like it just takes itself far too fucking seriously.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: This does not do that.
Laura: This is very fun.
Laura: Let's get into our ratings. I wonder if we're going to make Ty go first. I think we will. You can do both. So we're going to do visibility and context scale from zero to five. In terms of the dick scene, which we talked about a long time ago. Um, and. Then the film overall, what say you?
Tighe: Visibility and context. I mean, it's context. I'm going to give it a five. He's naked. He's just been born. It's the one time all of us are naked. So context, five out of five, like, everyone would be naked. Um, visibility. I'm going to go with like a three. It's brief, it's dark. I could have taken a lot more of it. So I'm going to give it a three. But, uh, five out of five, just on a dick in general. I know we're not supposed to rate that, but I see what you yeah, just like five out of five for just like a dick. If you line them up, I'd be like, that's a solid dick. All right. So, yeah, that's my thing. Um, movie overall, again, if we're doing out of five, it's a solid four, four and a half. You know what I mean? Which is great for me, because to me, that's like an eight or a nine.
Laura: So it's like I was going to ask on your IMDb scale, what is it?
Tighe: Yeah, because I'm an out of ten guy. Um, I would put it at like a solid eight and a half. That's what I would say. It's a solid eight and a half, which I would also rate the first Warlock. They are, again, very they're both great movies in different yeah.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Okay. Ryan he's kind of taken all of the ratings that I was going to say anyway, just for kind of, uh, the sake of time.
Ryan: The docking station together, potentially. We are docking. Um, recording for context. Yeah.
Ryan: Five.
Ryan: Obviously, he's just been born, obviously. Duh. Uh, um, and then we only really see it in full light when it passes, the light, um, near the end of that shot as he's walking down the hallway. But also, it's incredibly terrifying that this naked man has just kind of risen out of a pile of, um, putrefied placenta and juices.
Tighe: And he's you haven't seen it. He's real wet. He's still beautiful and naked, but he's dripping with goo.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: And she's like, oh my god, something just came out of me. And it's just, like, ruptured my insides. And I am bleeding everywhere. He wants to kiss me. He's calling me Mummy. It's pretty fucked up. Um, and obviously for the film itself, I kind of follow the same sentiment. I'd probably say it's probably closer to a four. But I have so much more enjoyment for the film because of how silly it is. I gave it a kind of solid four and a half, the same as I gave Warlock two. I gave it a four and a half, too. Um, yeah, I'm a big fan of them.
Laura: Druids. Ken. I'm basically in the same boat.
Ryan: Ah.
Laura: I gave the overall visibility, in context, a three and a half. Because, again, like everyone said, you don't see it for long, but at least it is quite clear. And it is incredibly menacing. That's not how she thought her night was going to go. No. She thought she was going to get boned gremlin boy by gremlin. Instead, she gives birth to Satan's only son. So it's a change up in her evening. She doesn't get to have sex with, uh, Zach Gallagher, which is a shame because he dressed up real nice and she made dinner, it looks like.
Tighe: Oh, true. She's got like three inch heels on.
Laura: I mean, she's ready to go. Yeah, she was ready to, um um so that's really sad. But it is very scary. That whole scene is incredible. But yeah. So three and a half in terms of the film. You're probably right, Ryan. Maybe it's more of a four. But it's a four because it is a very fun movie. Very fun. We're all big Julian Sands fans down here. Um, and I think that it's a great shame.
Ryan: Well, he's gone as a kind of major compliment to the man. He took a character and he made it his own. He really epitomized the Warlock character. He really put the effort into making it. Something that has a significant cult following was something that he will be remembered for for, uh, the rest of time. For anyone ever watching these Warlock movies. He really epitomized this role.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: If you speak to people that I remember when he had gone missing, uh, I know friends of ours were like, Warlock. Warlock is no. And, um yeah, that really did kind of gave him that kind of cultural, um everyone kind of knew him from that.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: I mean, I know him from renting the first Warlock VHS more times than I can remember. Yeah. I mean, dead serious. Like, this might be one of those movies that I've seen the most just because I watched it so much in my youth.
Laura: Nice.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: So this is a great movie. I hope everyone yes.
Tighe: I have one more thing I meant to bring up in the beginning. I'm so sorry. And it wasn't in my notes. But just want to talk about for a second that this movie was written by the great David Tui. I'm going to talk about Dave Tui for a moment. We can let's talk about Dave Tui for just a hot second because I fucking love David Tui. We're talking about fan clubs.
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: Me and my friend Eddie are the biggest two Tui fanboys. Like, tui heads, dude. When Below came out, which is a great movie, you haven't seen Below. We walked around telling everybody who would listen to us for more than 5 seconds how fucking great Below is and that everyone should go see Below. So David Tui, um, he wrote the first Warlock movie. So two and three have characters based on but he also did many other movies as a screenwriter and then a director.
Laura: Um, including the whole one of your wife's favorite films of all time. Oh, yeah.
Tighe: The Fugitive.
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: To do the fugitive. I forget about that. But he created he wrote Pitch Black, and then he directed the rest of all of that whole riddick series, um, of films. Um, didn't he do that? What's that Alien movie with, um what's his face in the sinise? Was it Gary Sinise? Foster?
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: So, yeah. No, David, who has a very storied career, a great genre screenwriter and director. And this was, I think, one of his first big hits. If I forget, you're looking at letterlocks. You can tell me. But I think Warlock was like one of his breakouts. It was like his second or third movie.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: The great David Tui was involved in this. I got to bring it up. Yes, you did.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Which space bounty hunter?
Tighe: Terminal Velocity.
Ryan: Yeah.
Tighe: Dude, I'm telling you.
Laura: David Tui.
Ryan: Wow.
Ryan: Yeah, I remember.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: The minute we spoke about it was like all the reddick stuff. And I always liked the reddick stuff at a kind of soft spot for it.
Tighe: I always thought it was me, too. It's great. Semi cheesy genre of filmmaking.
Ryan: I love it.
Ryan: Wow.
Ryan: Although he has made a movie with Charlie Sheen. It was called the Arrival.
Tighe: Yeah, that's what I was trying to think of. It wasn't sinese. It was the arrival of Charlie Sheen. Thank you.
Ryan: Yeah.
Laura: Well, isn't he also in terminal velocity?
Ryan: Sheen?
Ryan: I thought Terminal Velocity was oh, it is.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: There you go. What's the one I'mixing up with? Uh, it's passenger 57. Always bet on black. Yeah. Wesley Snipes. Slightly different.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: There you go. The more you know he fucking wrote Water World.
Tighe: Yeah, that's right, dude. He was like, on that level of, um, Stephen Summers in the where he was just like somehow studios were giving him money to make genre movies, and we all benefited from it.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: I'm getting confused here. All right. No, that's fine. That's okay.
Ryan: I thought Kevin Reynolds and Kevin Costner were the same person for a moment.
Tighe: No, he did direct him twice.
Ryan: He directed them twice. He did Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. And he also did Water World. I thought Kevin Costner did Water World, but he didn't.
Tighe: He did dances with refused after Prince of Thieves. They hated each other, and they refused to even be in the same building. And the producer of Waterworld got the script and Costner, and he wanted Reynolds to direct it. And he literally made them both show up. And they didn't know the other one was going to be there. And he trapped them in a hotel room for an entire day. And he was like, I want you to direct Waterworld. Kevin's going to star in it. Work your shit out. And they sat in a hotel room and they ordered room service. And they worked their shit out, uh, enough to start the movie through pre production. And then they hated each other during production. Because Waterworld, of course, is one of the most famous, like, troubled productions. Kevin's Gate, as they refer to it.
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: And then when it got to post, costner had Reynolds fired because he didn't like the first cut. And Costner basically sat in the editing room as the director after the first.
Ryan: Director'S cut was turned in.
Tighe: Anyway, yeah, that was a big segue.
Ryan: But, uh, there you go. Yeah. Water World's a fucking blowy thing.
Tighe: Uh, you know, having rewatched it expressly, there's some good shit in there. There is some water. The problem it's a flawed movie, for sure. It is flawed.
Ryan: The problem with it is you can watch it now because, again, compared to things of its ilk that are coming out now, you're like, well, this is definitely better than Avatar because this isn't as indulgent as that fucking thing. The way of water. Yeah, I guess so.
Tighe: Also, I think it was that thing that the press heard how bad it was, and they just got all over it. And once it wasn't a financial success, they were like, yeah, this is terrible.
Laura: It's not.
Ryan: It's like Mad Max on the water.
Laura: Yeah, I think that same thing happened with, like, the Canyons. It does look like a better movie, but the press made it seem like it was a fucking nightmare.
Ryan: Well, Dennis Hopper's in it as well.
Tighe: And he's so good. I mean, he's like, he's all the way at eleven.
Ryan: He's just kind of like, yeah, whatever, man.
Laura: Are we talking about Kevin still?
Ryan: Uh, no.
Tighe: Kevin who? Kaufman.
Ryan: Water World. Yeah.
Tighe: Water world.
Ryan: Yes.
Tighe: I'll talk about Water World for a long time. We got to wrap this up because.
Ryan: I'll talk about Waterworld for like, 2 hours. This does look like shit.
Laura: Well, on our Spinoff podcast, uh, we have like four My, two Kevin's.
Ryan: Yeah, there's too many spinoff. The minute I hear spinoff, I think, oh, God. Extra work.
Laura: And I'm like, yeah, cool. So this was incredibly fun. We officially, uh, depending on the edit, have gone over the length of this actual film, talking about it. Um, but that's okay because Warlock the Armageddon is incredible. You're welcome, everybody. Thank you, Ty, for coming over and talking about this perfect film.
Tighe: I will talk about a Warlock movie forever. Either of them. And I love that all of us basically shoehorned some of our best Warlock One anecdotes or things we wanted to talk about. Yeah, we were just kind of like, uh, this is an excuse to talk about Richard E. Grant. Like, great.
Ryan: Lovely. Yeah.
Laura: So, yes, I want to make podcasts about with Nolan.
Tighe: I let's do it. But thank you for having me.
Ryan: Yes, I had a nice great that'd be a great Halloween costume. Just put on a bunch of shag carpet and pick up a weather vein and just go around with a lot of brogue in your voice.
Laura: I like when they're in the airplane and she kind of puts her plane you have to say it in your accent. Like, anyone that attempts to fly is.
Ryan: Said to be a witch.
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: Uh, anyone that attempt to fly is said to be a witch. You see, those steel carriers did go in the air.
Laura: She goes to, like, lean. We were not destined to go into the air. On his furry coat. She smells it and then kind of leans back over.
Tighe: I bet he smells like shit. Yeah, he smells fucking terrible. I love the Warlock in the cargo hold firing shit up and doing magic while the guy's, like, expired cream is up in business class.
Laura: He's.
Tighe: The witchery is a Foot 3000ft.
Laura: The witchery is afoot. I love it. Say it, Ryan.
Ryan: Say it.
Laura: The witchery is afoot.
Ryan: Hooray.
Laura: Thank you guys so much for being here today. And thanks, everyone, for listening and coming, um, to you from the basement of Travis's Bookstore. We, um, have had ty. I have been Laura. We've had Ryan.
Ryan: It's a world of magic Fun.
Laura: And we'll see you next time.
Ryan: Uh, bye. I'm getting on a fucking T shirt. That's an awesome line of dialogue. Wait, what? It's a World of.